New boyfriend of only a month talking about getting me pregnant...massive red flag?

[abwhite100]

So this is a weird one. Met my boyfriend online about 5 weeks ago, all in all have only had 7 dates. Each date has gone really well, we have loads in common, loads of chemistry, laughs a lot and I have genuinely never felt so comfortable and more able to be myself with someone in my whole life. But there have been some massive red flags and I have made mistakes by ignoring red flags in my last relationships and I'm at the stage where I have a little girl to consider and so I want to be sensible.

1st red flag. He is 30 and only had a girlfriend for 6 months, he claims he has never been in love.

2 nd red flag. He told me he loved me after our 4th date. He claims he knew after our first date and has never felt like this with anyone ever before. He says when you know you know.

3 rd red flag. He is very very very intense and has admitted himself he is a jealous person. He has made some controlling comments for example, I have a male friend whom is straight, he told me drinks with him won't be happening whilst I'm in a relationship with him.

4 th massive red flag. He stayed over at mine the other night, we have been using condoms as I am not on contraception as I am really sensitive to hormones and find nothing tends to agree with me. After sex the other night, he said, "you know I really don't want to use condoms, I only do because you want to but I like taking risks" then he kept going on and on in a jokey manner about how he is going to get me pregnant. This gave me absolute goosebumps especially as I said about 5 times that I do not want any more kids at this point in my life as I want to get my degree before even considering it. He still continued to make jokes saying he could pull out but he couldn't trust himself, or he would just not tell me he was about to cum and cum inside me without me knowing.

I really like this guy, I've not felt so connected to someone ever, but this pregnancy talk has really upset me and caused me to think about whether I should walk away regardless of the connection.

Should I discuss with him? Or should I walk?

I'm worried if I discuss he'll say he was only having a joke and put it on me making me look crazy.

Run for the hills. He sounds just like my (abusive, narcissistic) ex. Get gone, OP, and consider it a bullet well dodged.

Point 1 on its own, fine, some people just don't meet the person they want to have a long relationship with before 30. But 2, 3 and 4 - HORRIFYING. Particularly the pregnancy stuff, that is creepy as fuck. GET OUT OF THERE IMMEDIATELY!

God I feel a bit sick, I've been googling love bombing and it's him to a tee. I just worry that what if he is actually the real deal and I am just throwing him away.

This is going to sound mental, absolutely bonkers actually. But when we've discussed what each other like in bed, I had mentioned I like it rough at times and a few times he has slapped me on the face when we are just lying talking, not talking about anything sexual, just talking and he has slapped me in like a jokey way but it's hurt a bit.

Can't believe I've been this stupid. Honestly thought I'd met "the one" pathetic as I sound.

RUN!!! Run for your life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The connection thing is bollocks - people like this mirror you and tailor their responses so they seem 'in tune' with you and compatible. All part of the facade to reel you in. Mind you he's dropping it pretty quickly isn't he - already trying to control who you see. Telling you he loves you so quickly is another way of creating false intimacy. You need to understand it is not possible to build a genuine connection as he is making out after 7 dates. It's all fake.

The pregnancy thing is terrible - of course he wants to get you pregnant - you'd be trapped then and he can up his control.

You would be extremely reckless to do anything other than break up with him at this point. You've got children to consider.

Fucking hell, every single one of your 4 issues is a massive red flag.

Do not ever see or sleep with him again. Finish with him by text today. And block. He sounds terrifying!

abwhite

re your comment:-
"I just worry that what if he is actually the real deal and I am just throwing him away".

Read also about the "sunken costs fallacy" in relationships because that above writing of yours is this to a tee. This also shows me just how very low your boundaries are here.

Please refrain completely from dating till you sort out your own issues through Womens Aid and other counselling. With all kindness that you are currently far too vulnerable emotionally for you to date and its leading you straight into the arms of abusers who will target you like this man has done (and deliberately too).

Oh my God.

The slapping.

Oh my God. It's even worse than I thought. Do you see that that is boundary-testing too? When you told him about the sex thing you handed him a solid gold-plated excuse to physically abuse you and tell you it's your fault because "you like it"? He is going to escalate fast. He is going to do everything he can to get himself moved in/you pregnant ASAP. You are in real danger.

I just worry that what if he is actually the real deal and I am just throwing him away.

I promisepromisePROMISE you he is not. Your life if you stay any longer will be a physically and emotionally abusive hell. Five weeks in and he's already found an excuse to hit you. Please, I am begging you, cut contact now, block him, and stay away from men and dating for a while. You are not in shape to be doing this right now

Please run for the hills. I feel a bit panicky reading your posts, I think you need to cut him out now and if he does anything even slightly aggressive or stalkerish afterwards I would involve the police.

So after the list you gave you still 'really like this guy'.
Get coucelling. Urgently.

Get rid then google the freedom programme and do that.

No, no he is a very good actor who is live bombing you and saying and doing all the "right" things to lead you to think he is the one. He is one giant red flag - everything he is saying and doing is horrific. I mean, it's not NORMAL to slap someone and LAUGH about it when you're only just chatting. It's not NORMAL to joke about stealthing, about deliberately not pulling out. It's not NORMAL to dictate to someone who they can or cannot see. Please run. Please don't fall in to this trap.

Run like the wind

I knew myself this would be the advice I would get. My gut has been screaming at me a bit from the start to be honest but was just trying to ignore it.

I agree... you need to run..

Make a dash for it, OP.

Don't try and talk this through, he will have an answer for everything.

He is trying to invalidate your boundaries in so many ways: hitting you randomly hard enough to hurt is not the same as consensually playing rough in the bedroom, isolating you from your friend -doesn't matter what sex, pushing back against your request to use contraception and belittling your future plans (I.e. that you want to finish your degree before having any more potential children).

The declaration of love is very premature and questionably genuine if he has never been in love before now (so isn't somebody who 'catches feelings' at the drop of a hat.

It all seems very manipulative, creating this premature intimacy. You're a smart cookie, you've recognised all this and have your own future mapped out. You really don't need this guy.

*love bombing. I cannot believe the things he is saying and doing to you ALREADY and you've only known him a few weeks. Imagine what he'll do to you and how he'll treat you in a few months? God op, I PROMISE you he is not the one. He is frightening. His behaviour is utterly abnormal, and abhorrent.

I'm telling you the truth when I tell you this thread is utterly chilling and the hairs are actually standing up on my neck right now.

That you have been trying to ignore your gut is almost the worst part. Never ignore your gut. Please listen to it.

In addition to The Freedom Project, I would wholeheartedly recommend Gavin deBecker's "The Gift of Fear".

Run while you still can.

Gosh that actually sounds like scary behaviour. There is nothing attractive in anything you've said about him. Like others have said RUN !!!

He sounds like a textbook abuser, please don’t ignore your gut instincts, ever

The first post was scary enough. Your update about him slapping you is beyond awful.

End the relationship. Get support around you to do so safely. Talk to your friends and family.

Jesus it gets worse with every update!
Do you want to be a newspaper headline in the near future?
He’s already started with the slaps. Next it will be choking.
Then we’re reading about some poor girl whose boyfriend killed her in a “sex game gone wrong”

Run
Swim
Fly
Drive

Just go.

Now.

He is an absolute arse hole! Zero respect for you. Run!!! And then get some therapy to find out why you fall for abusive controlling men and to avoid doing so again. Do it for you and your daughter.