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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Ghosting and Breadcrumbing: I need advice how to handle it.

14 replies

Willows991 · 19/05/2019 17:11

I will make this very brief. I met a man last year, in between ghosting me he would come back and make all kind of promises. I would take him back and then the ghosting would start and then breadcrumbing follow by ghosting. I have since discovered that he is married, he told him that they are separated and the divorce should be finalise soon.

We have been in communication recently -nothing ever happened between us, we kissed once but that's was it. The arrangements was to have dinner on my birthday (yesterday), I needed notice/time regarding the arrangements , however, he decided to ghost me till around 5 pm yesterday, when he started calling my numbers including landline. I decided not to take his calls. He texted, WhatsApp etc, but did not respond. He called multiple times.

He called me at 1am, I did not answer his calls, this morning at around 7am, he again called, texted and WhatsApp multiple times. Mainly claiming that he wanted to see me/have dinner with me on my birthday etc. He is saying that he is "upset" as he wanted to see me, speak to me and that, "I may not want to speak to him.." etc.

This man has put my heart through hell - I am at the point in my life now that I have no feelings left for him anymore. When we first met, he lied to him that he has never been married, only to discovered that he was married.

Two can play this game right? I am glad that he is now feeling what I went through when he would not answer my calls, texts or emails.

Why am I even bothered?

OP posts:
SittinOnThaToilet · 19/05/2019 17:13

Are you a fish finger?

Willows991 · 19/05/2019 17:16

@Sittin, I take it that you have not come across the word "Breadcrumb" in the dating world? Please google it.

It's worth a discussion.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 19/05/2019 17:20

He treats you badly and has no respect for you or his wife. That should be enough for you to dump him, surely?

HappyHammy · 19/05/2019 17:25

I ha e no idea what breadcrumbing is either but if you have no feelings for him anymore then block his calls, or just text back saying you're no longer interested. Why are you keeping in touch with him, what's the point in playing oneupmanship,

CaptainJaneway62 · 19/05/2019 17:27

He will carry on putting your heart through hell if you don't get shut of him permanently. He a liar and a cheat. I leopard never changes it's spots!

Block him on everything and cut all contact now!
You deserve much better than this OP.

FabulouslyGlamourosFerret · 19/05/2019 17:28

Lol @ fishfinger 🤣

Qsandmore · 19/05/2019 17:30

He’s ghosted, messed you about and cheated on his wife. Plus you don’t care for him and only kissed him once.

Seriously just block his number and move on.

RuffleCrow · 19/05/2019 17:39

Is he worth all this emotional energy?

Is there anything more worthwhile you could be pouring it into? A novel you always meant to write? A song you'd love to learn on the guitar?

supersop60 · 19/05/2019 17:42

Block his number. he's an arse.
Please forget about him - he's stealing your time and mental energy. Don't allow this.

IvanaPee · 19/05/2019 17:45

Why are you bothered?

No one here can tell you because it’s utterly ridiculous. Block. Him.

Willows991 · 19/05/2019 17:46

Thank you for all your messages and advice.

I have blocked him several times in the past. This has been going on since August last year. He would call me from a different number and make several promises and then ghost me again. Emotionally, I was so weak before.

I think I have come out the tunnel and understand that no response is also a response. I just deleted the messages. I also have caller ID on the landline now.

I guess that I am not giving him the ego boost now and will not be doing so in the future.

OP posts:
Bunnyfuller · 19/05/2019 17:48

Block him on everything and move on. He sounds like a dick.

Willows991 · 19/05/2019 17:52

@Bunny, he is a dick!

OP posts:
funnylittlefloozie · 19/05/2019 18:54

I think if i was being stalked and repeatedly harrassed by someone who continually called me from different numbers to get round phone blocking, i would be speaking to the police...

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