How to find non vanilla partner?

[MehIAmKnackered]

I've posted this in the Sex topic butim not sure where it fots best, hence putting here too for traffic. I'm so hoping someone has experience of this.

I've been exploring a more kinky side of me for a number of years and have now been single for a few months. I don't think a relationship with someone who can't be the type of non vanilla person I crave for satisfaction will work long term and that's what I want, a long term relationship.

But...How do I go about finding it? I can't exactly trot off to bumble and include in my profile "I am a bratty sub looking for a caregiving dom please to get into my head and my knickers as well as my life". It would be chaos.

But I dont want to go to the heartache of getting into a relationship and then finding that we are totally mismatched in this area. And bringing it up early on just makes people think that's all I'm interested in, when it's really not- just important to me.

Any ideas?

@DesperadoDan

I’m the opposite, I’m looking for a vanilla guy, hoping the guy I’ve just started seeing is one. I’m sick of men thinking their in a bloody porno, I don’t want anal, I don’t want my hair pulled and I don’t want to be choked thanks. Op, many men are not vanilla, they tend to keep quiet about their kinky side at first so that they don’t put the fear of god into whoever they are dating. I would stick with the usual old sites and when you start chatting to somebody I’d make it clear from the start what you’re into. There are many, many men who would be up for it!

This exactly, I can't imagine it would be difficult to find a 'non vanilla' guy they are absoloutely everywhere!

I finally had the courage to leave my marriage after it got so bad I attempted suicide, I have only left the marital home this year but separated for 6 years then divorced this year, I have realised that although I have been very giving in the bedroom dept I never received it, and I am not strong enough to start getting out there, but I was married for 24 years so I am feeling a bit overwhelmed with how dating is these days, I do now know there is so much more to what I’ve experienced intimacy wise and really want to open my mind to feeling more than I’ve ever known obviously in a safe environment.
So sorry for asking out right , but your comment on the post came up when I googled how to meet someone not vanilla and when I scrolled down your message caught my attention.
Thank you for your time and I hope I don’t offend you by asking

Sorry meant I am now strong enough

What is considered vanilla these days?

2 people mentioned the man pleasuring the woman for hours. I thought that was just plain ol sex.

@Bluebella I don't think your post is offensive at all but when seeking advice you get better replies if you post on your own thread.
Well done leaving your abusive marriage and realising that you deserve more emotionally and erotically.
For me, great sex really started in my 40s after my marriage ended.
I went online just looking for casual sex and it turned into a long term relationship (with great sex).
I think once you let go of your inhibitions and communicate your needs more it really changes things.

I surprised myself by how much more 'kinky' I was than I'd imagined.
So my advice to you is communicate, be assertive and don't assume you know what your partner wants. He may have a kinky side too just waiting to get out...

But...How do I go about finding it? I can't exactly trot off to bumble and include in my profile "I am a bratty sub looking for a caregiving dom please to get into my head and my knickers as well as my life". It would be chaos.

That fetish is so common, it could practically be called vanilla at this point. And I'm fairly certain that most men would be perfectly comfortable with this sexual preference.

Hi everyone, we are closing this thread now as it was a thread from a while back and the OP may not want to have it revived again.