If your partner makes no effort with appearance

[lemonface]

Does it bother you?
I feel like such a shallow cow sometimes but really wish dp of 20 years would get his hair cut and take care of his appearance a bit more.
He washes every day but doesn't use soap or deodorant. He doesn't smell usually but still.
He is fit and healthy so not let himself go physically just couldn't care less what he wears or looks like.
Anyone else

Has his self care changed lately? Or did he never care?

He cared for the first few years

Have you said anything to him over the last 15 years about this?

He's not washing if he's not using soap.

Have you said anything to him over the last 15 years about this?

Yes, he doesn't care and says that this is him

So it's just his shaggy hair and that he doesn't use soap and deodorant?

Is there more that bothers you?

Table manners

Are you still attracted to him?

Yes, but more so when he has a haircut and wears UN crumpled clothes

In your case, you should look past his minor imperfections. That's if he's not abusive and is (in general) a thoughtful kind human.

Okay I am going to try to do that

Bad breath, smelly, unwashed, all passion killers for me. When my ex stank which was most of the time I'd tell him straight out.
There is nothing worse than going on a long car journey with someone whose breath is so bad you feel physically sick or who smells rank.
It's not much to ask, other than that I don't care what they wear or look like.

I hear you! I also have a shaggy haired ‘homeless’ looking husband! Also clean and non smelly. He rarely trims his beard and hair has been cut maybe 3 times this year! It drives me insane. I am also attracted to him when he is tidy with nice clothes on - a rare occasion. Although he has the biggest heart I’ve ever known, is very good to me and is a fantastic dad so I can’t complain too much.. I still do though!

If he doesn't use soap, doesn't he smell?

Mine soap but doesn’t use deodorant. It amazes me how he doesn’t smell. I put on deodorant as soon as I come out of the shower. Maybe it’s the whole hairy pits thing.

Deodorant is a relatively recent thing. For hundreds of years people managed to smell without the use of manufactured concoctions!

(I do use it, but if on occasion I forget can't say it makes any difference. Some people don't smell nearly as much as others.)

I don't use deodorant all the time. I use soap. I smell if I have eaten smelly food.

One of our friends says he looks homeless
He is a good person, loving and a brilliant Dad. Just doesn't care about looks. He is probably a better person than me but its annoying.
He eats loads of food that I would use a knife and fork for with his hands and refuses to back me up on table manners because 'it really doesn't matter '
Why doesn't he see that he would be more attractive to me if he took care of himself.
He doesn't have bad breath and doesn't smell very often just why wouldn't you use soap? And get a hair cut? And eat properly

If he's unattractive to you I assume you're not in the mood for sex with him... So he should figure it out pretty quickly. Smarten up, be attractive to me and we can have sex. He'll be scrubbed up within the hour.

Is he a tradesman by any chance @lemonface? Mine is.. wonder if that’s something to do with it.

Funny you say he’s a better person than you, I say that about my homeless DH too Maybe we just need to learn to love them for there crazy appearance and Ben safe in the knowledge no one will ever try and tempt them away 🤣 To be fair - he does scrub up if we are going somewhere. Maybe the problem is we just don’t go anywhere often enough! x

@Georgeofthejungle

Yes, he is a tree surgeon. He owns only one shirt which he has had for 15 years! He wears a fleece when we go out

On the plus side he is pretty fit

My DH is a joiner. Maybe something to do with working on your own and getting dirty. Can’t beat a cosy fleece. Mine wears a checked padded jacket - you know the type. I think our 2 would get on fine 😂 x

I hear you OP!
He reluctantly puts on clean clothes only after I've taken the worn ones & put them in the wash basket. He'll complain that he's 'only worn them a couple of times' when in fact, he's been wearing them for weeks. They go straight back on him as soon as he gets in from work if I leave them .
He showers every day when he's working but 'forgets' how long it's been when he's at home. Weekends/ holidays he's a crumpled mess...

Also, he owns 3 jumpers, 2 pairs of jeans, a fleece, a million t-shirts circa. 1997, a jacket and a pair of boots.