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Relationships

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Original poster

Trusting your gut instinct?

6 replies

user1470296287 · 10/12/2018 17:29

Hi,
I have been in a relationship for 9 months and it was pretty full on from the beginning and I got swept away wth it.
Lovely man and very generous has bought me lots of gifts right from the first date ie flowers, wine, perfume and candles, followed by flowers every week.
For some reason I have a feeling that it hasn’t been right for me for the last 6-8 weeks and can’t put my finger on why I’ve wracked my brains and feel that I no longer want this relationship, it’s really confused me and got me down.
I finished it today and I feel really shit if I’m honest as he wasn’t a bad person but something doesn’t sit right with me and I feel sadly relieved it’s over.
When I told him he just said “oh I’m sorry you feel that way” and that was it.
Don’t know what I’m asking but feel confused as to why my gut instinct was so strong on this when he never showed me his colours so to speak. We are both in our 50’s perfect for each other on paper but something was missing for me.

OP posts:

SuperSuperSuper · 10/12/2018 18:06

I think that the fact he didn't probe for more detail when you ended it, implies that he wasn't convinced about the relationship either. Perhaps it moved too fast at the beginning and you both got swept up in it.

HollowTalk · 10/12/2018 18:10

It sounds like cognitive dissonance. The gifts etc were giving you the message that he was a great guy, but something else was telling you that you didn't want to be with him. I'm sure you'll realise at some point what it was.

Rainbowshine · 10/12/2018 18:55

Did it feel like he was after something in return for the gifts? Rather than convincing you that he was a good person by behaving like you were important.

Thatsalovelycuppatea · 10/12/2018 22:48

I always wonder why a man feels the need to buy continuous gifts. I see it a sign of guilt Always go with your gut, many on here would advise it too.

Renarde1975 · 11/12/2018 02:37

Well done OP. You did the right thing there. Absolutly.

Lottie35 · 11/12/2018 20:09

'I feel sadly relieved it’s over'...just remember this. It's horrible dumping someone and ending a relationship but if you feel right about it then you can't do anything more, you did the right thing.

Sounds like he probably was sweeping you off your feet because he may not have had much in common with you and/or it was for show rather than substance. I am sure he is a lovely guy but doesn't sound like there was chemistry ...no amount of flowers can create chemistry.

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