Giving Up Dating...

[Skyrabbit]

Right, I'm 46 and I've been single this time for a year now. I've been OLD with no success really.

I've got to the point where, whilst I'd like someone, I just can't be arsed with the whole matching and swiping and first date guff. It takes a lot of effort, and I feel like Cilla Black is in my ear saying 'well Hello there contestant number 78, what's your name and where do you come from?'

I don't seem to fancy anyone, and no one seems to fancy me.

I'm not sporty or religious, so no chance of meeting anyone at 'clubs' or the like, I work in a tiny office, my hobbies are very female centric, the kids do solo style hobbies etc etc. The chances of bumping into my soul mate (bleurgh!) are pretty darn slim.

Can I give myself permission to Just. Stop. Looking.??

And would anyone else like to join me on the Stopping Dating thread?...

Who says you have to date? You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. I’m a guy and I’m happily skipping out on dating for the foreseeable future.

Keep doing the things you enjoy. You happen to meet someone along the way, good for you. But it’s not the be all, end all. Enjoy your life as you see fit.

Oh I know I don't have to date, and quite frankly 85% of the time I'm quite happy on my own, it's more about giving myself permission to give up/not succeed in the societal norm of coupledom if that makes sense?

I'll join you Skyrabbit. I'm not interested in looking anymore. Happy on my own and not sure I'd trust anyone again anyway. I know it's cheesy but I think too much of our lives go by whilst we're comparing ourselves to others. If you're happy how you are just live.

Welcome sausage 😁
I'm going to concentrate more on what I like and what makes me happy, be a bit selfish!
I've met some whapping eejits on OLD, but also some perfectly decent blokes and mahoosive amounts of commitment phobes. It's been, um, interesting. But I feel I'm done with that now (watch me eat my words and reinstall Tinder in a week's time 😁)

Depends what you want. I have been on OLD a while and have stopped hoping for a relationship. Now I just use it for casual dating or FWBs. Work and kids take up most of my time, but I get sex and intimacy from OLD.

I was single for 7 years & until I got (back) together with current dp 5 months ago I'd reached the point you're at.. I was very happy being single. I'd spent the last couple of years really working on myself lost over 4 stone in weight & enjoyed my independence & freedom with the odd bit of Tinder & pof out of curiosity more than actually actively looking for a date.
I found that all my married friends didn't believe me when I said I was happy on my own & their sympathetic "there's someone out there just waiting" etc got on my nerves. I wasn't interested in looking for him & would have happily grew old on my own with just myself to please.. & will do again should this relationship not last!

You do what makes you happy 😃

I'm not at the moment either Sky and we are the same age :). Link hands with me and go la la la la!

FWB not for everyone. I couldn't have a sexual relationship with someone I wasn't personally interested in and a little excited by IYKWIM.

I found that all my married friends didn't believe me when I said I was happy on my own & their sympathetic "there's someone out there just waiting" etc got on my nerves

If you want to do dating, you still could I s'ppse, but be VERY choosy before you meet on a personal level. I find it very hard to read people from online profiles and chat - I tried to give people a "chance" but it didn't work .... I just met up with some awful and dubious characters.

so I didn't bovver any more. A relief all round. But I am a bit older than you.

Also internet dating seems to "work" for some people I think, and not for others. I think I have quite ephemeral tastes and struggle to meet people I have things in common with at the best of times.

I think I meant ethereal ...

Nothing would be more depressing for me than meeting men of OLD for hook ups or FWB type situations but whatever floats your boat I guess.

I'll join you OP. Between work and childcare it's impossible, I don't have the emotional bandwidth for it. Going to focus on my career and DD for now.

I've been single for 10 years with the odd attempt at a relationship here and there. Given up OLD and am quite happy to be single. Yep I miss the intimacy and am sometimes lonely as my dc are growing up so while I now have the time/no childcare issues I really don't have the time, energy or money to indulge in trying to find someone. If HE is out there he needs to come and find me now! Would be lovely but so would winning the lottery! Doubt either will happen but I am quite happy with my family and friends.

Hi Daffo , you fed up with it all as well? Come and join me!

ballyhoo I think I'm similar, OLD just doesn't work for me. I like things like Radio 4 and knitting, and the amount of pisstaking that I get on OLD is unbelievable "hur hur, it'd be like dating my granny". I usually stop short of telling that their interests of "drinking, going out and staying in, and drinking" make me think that they'd be like dating Tommy Robinson :D

jocktamsonsbairn yes, I'm happy to be single, but I miss having someone to tell about my day, or to go to a gig with, or cuddle up to in a cold bed etc. I haven't got the time to go find anyone though either right now, and i certainly can't be arsed to have repeated desultory first dates that are never going to go anywhere.

I'm planning ahead though, and when the kids leave for Uni (which is in sight now!!!) , I'm planning to move to a flat in the nearest city, so there's plenty of stuff for a single woman to do.

God, I sound really sad

You don't sound sad, my kids will be leaving for uni too then the fun can begin!! Same as you!

Having downloaded pretty much all of the dating apps and realising the same people are on them all, none of which I seem to be interested in, I am with you.
I have met a couple of people who were nice but nothing more than that. I just can’t go on a 2D picture and need to actually meet someone in the flesh I think but with two kids and all my friends married, I don’t exactly get out to the kind of places I might meet someone. I work in a very female occupation and go to a ladies only running club so...!
I feel a bit like life is passing me by while I’m swiping away in disillusionment.

I 'gave up dating', went out on a girl's night out and met the love of my life.

Things happen when you least expect and when the pressure is off IMO

sunshine That's it, I've met some perfectly nice guys on dates, but they're just not for me. I'm going to stop the dating apps, and stop thinking that I'll meet someone when I least expect it. Partly because I'm then waiting for it to happen when I least expect it, which means I'm expecting it 🤔🙄😁🤣 And partly Because if it doesn't happen, then I'm disappointed again.

Better to just accept my fate, and get some more cats 😁😁

I'll join you! I am a couple of years older than you and feel the same about OLD. I like doing crafts and sewing, jigsaws etc and men never give a positive response to that! I just get "oh, ok" but I don't want to change who I am to get a man. In fact I'd rather be doing those hobbies than going on pointless dates! I prefer to do my hobbies in the evening, or watch shows I want to watch. Rather than sitting there watching crap TV, just for the sake of having a mans arm around me (I spent too long doing that!). I've done the same as you now and given myself "permission" to be single. I do get what you're saying when you say that. Society thinks single=lonely. For some it does, but I am definitely not lonely. I don't want a FWB because, in all honesty, in my life I have only ever dated one man who I would say was "good" at sex! The rest were too much work for too little pleasure So I'd rather not bother. I work, I support myself comfortably, I have plenty to do in my free time. So yes I have definitely stopped looking. I don't hate men. Maybe if the right one came along (unlikely) I'd give him a chance, but I am making zero effort trying to find him!