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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Right to be a bit worried or overthinking things?

18 replies

yaiotw · 12/11/2018 23:06

My ex boyfriend (together for 20 years) is suffering from depression, we broke up on good terms and have kept up contact, we generally speak on the phone three ish times per week.

In the entire 20 years we have known each other he has always called me when he said he would and if for any reason he could not he always sent a text to let me know he wasn't able to call me.

The last thing he said to me was "I will call you tonight when I get in from work so we can have a chat" (he was supposed to be helping me fix my computer) that was five days ago, I noticed today he has not been online at all since that call five days ago, This is very out of character for him, so much so that it is now starting to worry me. (Not been online on whatsapp, a game he plays, messenger etc)

He uses whatsapp multipul times per day and night because he is part of a group with all his workmates, they use it as their main way to contact each other regarding work stuff/what needs done that day etc

I sent him a message early this morning on whatsapp asking if everything is ok, two grey ticks, sent another an hour or so ago and now getting one tick.

I would probably not be worried if it wasn't for him being depressed, I know he is a grown man and is probably busy but something feels wrong and it prompted me to make this thread.

Am I over thinking things?

OP posts:
fuddle · 12/11/2018 23:10

Anyone else you can contact to ask. Seems like you have a lot of contact for an ex in my opinion. Maybe time to step back once things are clarified. Whilst you are contacting him so much it's not really an ex.

PurpleWithRed · 12/11/2018 23:19

Can you just try calling him?

Rachelover40 · 12/11/2018 23:24

It sounds as though you two are very good friends who care about eachother. If he lives near you, could you pop round and put a note through his door saying you're a bit worried as you've not heard back from him. Then wait a while and take it from there.

I understand your concern and hope all is well with your friend. Depression is an awful thing.

Original poster
yaiotw · 12/11/2018 23:37

Purple.. sorry I forgot to add, I did try calling and it goes to voicemail.

OP posts:
DogDayMorning · 13/11/2018 00:11

I would be worried OP s the lack of contact is out of character can you go round?

JellieEllie · 13/11/2018 00:26

Considering you've been getting 2 blue ticks for the rest of the messages this whole time to suddenly only get one means it's not been delivered. Could be that the phone has been turned off.
Can you not contact his family/workplace?

tinyvulture · 13/11/2018 00:33

I'd be worried too, OP. Can you ask any mutual friends? That would be entirely reasonable in the circumstances.

booboo24 · 13/11/2018 07:01

I would also be tempted to call round, I couldn't just leave this, you sound like you've become genuinely close friends and so you definitely should. I would also get in touch with a family member too, even if things were/are strained, this is far more important than any potential awkwardness. Please let us know once you know anything and fingers crossed he's ok

RandomMess · 13/11/2018 07:04

I wonder if his phone could have been stolen/having issues. However I would be calling around or calling him at work just to be sure.

Musti · 13/11/2018 07:05

That would worry me too. Hope he's ok op.

BonfireOfTheVanities4 · 13/11/2018 08:51

Can you go round and see him? This is what I would do.

Original poster
yaiotw · 13/11/2018 11:38

Quick update (not that there is much to tell you) whatsapp message still has one grey tick, still not been online anywhere, calls go to voicemail. I now live over 100 miles away from him since we split up, so it is not so easy for me to go round to his house, I will if that is the only option but I can't do anything until tomorrow when I get paid.

I do not have any of his family in my contacts anymore.

if I phone local hospitals will they at least be able to tell me if he has been admitted or would I have to be a family member?

OP posts:
Katgurl · 13/11/2018 11:40

Yeah I'd be worried too. Can you call to his house?

Original poster
yaiotw · 13/11/2018 12:10

Just phoned all local hospitals and he has not been admitted to any of them.

OP posts:
thatsepicbro · 13/11/2018 20:24

Could you call 101 and explain with his depression and past your concerned about his welfare and ask if they could check for you as you're over 100 miles away?

tinyvulture · 13/11/2018 23:46

No mutual friends you could ask? Even if you feel a bit silly of embarrassed, it would be worth it..... Really hope he is ok.....

SparklyMagpie · 14/11/2018 11:11

Any news OP? :(

Darfally · 14/11/2018 11:22

Hope everything is okay OP

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