Advice welcomed - help I had sex with his ********

[GinaHiggins]

I’m asking for a very dear friend of mine who is scared to death to use online services. Here is her situation: she started just “dating” a guy who was in the military. While he was gone, she got really drunk and hooked up with his friend. In her defense, she had later found out that he was not so innoscent himself and was doing his own thing with many other women. She felt guilt and really bad however being who it was she was with. She was extremely intoxicated. Now her and the man she was dating are happily together after working through differences. It has been years but she holds the guilt of what happened during their “talking stage.” She had only know. Him just a few months when this happened. She would like to know if this is something she should share with her NOW partner? Or because nothing was serious/exclusive leave it as is.

No she shouldn't. Just no. Talk some sense into your friend.

Leave as is, it was all a long time ago and there's no need to rake the ashes.

So years ago she cheated on an ex and is wondering if she should tell her new partner? No, why should she? What she did is in the past. There's no reason to talk about any of the guys she fucked prior to him,.

Some things are best not said

What everyone else has said. Most people have something in their past they are not proud of and it pops into their consciousness at times, she has to learn to forgive herself. It's long over.

What she did before she agreed to be in an exclusive relationship with this man is her business and not his. If she is frightened of how the current boyfriend would react if he found out, then she needs to bin that boyfriend anyway - if you are afraid of your partner, your relationship is either abusive already or going in that direction. (PARAGRAPH - MN is not doing paragraphs tonight) In a healthy relationship, finding out that one of you once bonked an ex or a friend of the current partner (outside of any monogamous agreement you may have now)is something to giggle about, not a big trauma.

I’m confused. So are you saying that she’s still with the guy in the military whose friend she slept with?? And NOW she’s worried about telling him she ‘cheated’ on him years ago? Possibly before they were exclusive? What has brought up this issue now, years later? Is the ‘friend’ now back on the scene and she’s worried it’ll come out? Did he admit to her that he ‘cheated’ years ago (you said she knows he did) but she didn’t admit her own indiscretion? If he’s likely to find out, she’d be better off coming clean, otherwise it’s water under the bridge.

Gob tightly shut

Men talk to each other that’s all I’m saying. If I was in the guys shoes I’d prefer to hear this thing from my partner rather then my friend saying at some later date “oh I just assumed you knew that me and xyz got it on” then I would be mortified! If it was in the non exclusive stage then it shouldn’t be a problem should it.

If he is in the military he probably still cheating on her your friend now! Sorry but its true. Think your friend needs to look at the bigger issue here, is she genuinely happy with him?