Zero sex drive...please help.

[DownInTheDumpsATM]

I've been married for over 10 years, we have 2 children and every other part of our marriage is great. The massive problem is my lack of sex drive, it's always been low but over the past couple of years it's got much worse, pretty none existant 🙁 I have no clue as to why, the doctor was no help and we have tried talking to 2 different therapists. My husband is majorly unhappy and I get that, I want to fix me but I don't know how. Any help or advise would be amazing. Thanks.

I have had the same problems for a while now and for the first time the other day I actually let myself relax and just enjoy it! I think for so long I've told myself I'm not into it and I want it to be over whereas as soon as I changed my mind set to relax and enjoy, I did! And even better, I want it again! Is it possible you've wound yourself up so much thinking and worrying about it?

Try taking magnesium supplements. That pepped mine up a bit when I had a very low sex drive. It helped for a while but didn't save the relationship though unfortunately.

Are you on the pill OP? Hormonal contraception can kill your sex drive, just a thought.

There’s nothing wrong with you, or him. Please google ‘spontaneous and responsive desire’ and read as many of the articles as you can. So many women rely on whether they just want sex or not, and that’s not how desire generally works.

Is it desire in general or specifically with DH?

Have you tried reading erotic books - not porno but with actual storylines , in box me if you want ideas. Also do massage on your husband as skin to skin contact may make you up your drive.

Can he sort the kids bedtimes one evening while you have a soak in the bath, with maybe a glass of wine, or a cup of tea if you prefer! Get yourself really relaxed and then maybe give each other massages. Being relaxed will make a big difference by itself. Dedicate the evening to being close to each other. If he always wants sex when you're tired or have other things going on, then it is hard to get in the right mindset for it. You need to really make time for intimacy. It doesn't always just happen by itself.