Making low contact work

[LC424]

Advice please (name changed):

For many reasons I'd like to go LC with in laws - happy for them to see DCs and DP and be pleasant but not actively friendly etc.

DP can't see my point of view and think I'm being mean and unreasonable. I don't want to upset DP but also can't be listening to mean comments about myself and my family (often when no one else is listening).

How do people make it work for Christmas/birthdays/visits? How do you keep your relationship good with DP while doing this? Doesn't help that he hasn't heard most of it and doesn't think anything is meant in malice.

Thanks in advance

I shouldn't generalise, and I know how it annoys many Mumsnetters, but in a lot of partnerships, organising the social calendar can be seen as "women's work". It could be useful to leave him, nicely, to keep up with "his side of the family", e.g. you might remind him of his DM's birthday, but buying, writing and posting the card is his responsibility. Similarly, leave him to sort out invitations and the like. As for visits - would a gathering at a neutral venue be better, as in "meeting up would be lovely, but while we've got the builders/ plumber/ electrician in, maybe local coffee shop would be better? Or let him take DC while you are busy with some other pressing matter?
Who knows, if you're not there to be sniped at, inlaws may be impelled to bring out the sniping remarks, as they can't bear not to have a go, and he may come to realise what they're up to?