Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Tinder arsehole

55 replies

BlackMirror · 02/08/2018 15:26

Wasn't sure where to put this but just wanted to tell someone, but can't tell anyone in real life as it's embarrassing.

Was chatting to a guy on Tinder, seemed nice enough, swapped numbers, all the usual. Texting last night just chit chat, he asked to talk on the phone, I said I was too tired, he said cool chat tomorrow.

This morning he's messaged me:

'Black man's meat' with a steak emoji and waving emoji.

Wtf? I have two mixed raced children from a previous relationship so maybe he saw that somewhere, although they don't look typically mixed really. Plus there aren't pics with me and my ex online. I'm disgusted tbh.

OP posts:
Whocansay · 02/08/2018 18:00

I have never heard that phrase before. He is a revolting excuse for a human being, and you dodged a bullet.

What is wrong with some people?

Original poster
BlackMirror · 02/08/2018 18:31

Definitely having a break from online dating

OP posts:
Original poster
BlackMirror · 02/08/2018 18:32

When I read the title I though you were sent a picture or an actual arse hole

I'd have preferred he sent me that tbh Grin

OP posts:
DianaT1969 · 02/08/2018 19:45

I'm tempted to say that you should post his number here and all MNers will deluge his phone with nasty comments. But there's probably a law against it 🙁

SoapOnARoap · 02/08/2018 20:07

What a despicable wanker.

Lucky escape

dirtybadger · 02/08/2018 20:13

I read title as "tiny arsehole" and thought it was about a mans tiny butthole.

But its about a butthole posing as a man.

What a absolute weirdo. Cant believe people like this still exist. Angry

Dieu · 02/08/2018 20:19

Unbelievable OP, and I'm so sorry that happened. What an absolute knob jockey.
I liked the idea of contacting his employer. Then again, I would worry for you that he would link it to you and exact some kind of revenge.
Best thing to do is get him removed from the site, and definitely don't put up any kids' photos.
Hope you meet a decent member of the human race soon Flowers

Mrsfloss · 02/08/2018 20:29

I’m still really confused as to what it means. Can someone inbox me. I must be really dumb

greenlanes · 02/08/2018 20:35

Gosh sometimes on here I think people make a fuss over nothing, but that is disgusting behaviour from him. If he didn't like you having mixed race children then all he needed to do was politely step away. His views and your life are incompatible. But to send a racist slur is very deliberate and designed to be demeaning. I am pleased you have reported him and I hope that tinder do take him off the site. Please don't be upset about it - best you found out early on.

Yankeescot · 02/08/2018 20:51

Mrsfloss,

By typing "Black Mans Meat' he meant that she had been sexually with a black man. So he means that she was a piece of black mans meat. And a really racist, arsehole comment to make and if it wasn't bad enough on its own, he put a piece of steak emoji next to it.

Yankeescot · 02/08/2018 20:53

p.s. OP, luckily you dodge a bullet with that twunt! Good he showed what an tosspot he was right off the bat. Onwards and upwards girl!

Butterflykissess · 02/08/2018 21:05

You know the saying, treating a woman like a piece of meat, well black mans meat as if she belongs to black men or she been with them and hes saying it as a negative thing as hes seen her mixed race daughter. Not sure its hard to understand? very rude of him.

PrimalLady · 02/08/2018 23:06

He definitely must've stalked you and fiund your children. Thats what my mums friend whos children are mixed race used to get called. They substituted black man for the N word though.

I have heard it used against women who have a black partner several times. Disgusting term.

Gretagumbo · 02/08/2018 23:15

What a class A turd.

It’s unbelievable that these people exist, let alone think that they are suitable dating material.

Just imagine him consuming his microwave meal for one, surrounded by used copies of the sun.

I bet he is actually angry that he isn’t dating an 18 yr old supermodel and he probably thinks he’s a great catch.

It truly is pitiful

Verbena87 · 02/08/2018 23:22

Contact his employer too this. He is an absolute bum hole.

YaLoVeras · 02/08/2018 23:24

I can't belieeeeeeeve he's single.

Yupp, mashed potato for one, again, wondering why the supermodels don't fall at his feet.

YaLoVeras · 02/08/2018 23:25

Did the site respond to you btw?

coffeeisaddictedtome · 02/08/2018 23:39

Oh God ! That's awful ! Thank God you didn't end up going on a date with the .... I can't actually think of a word good enough for him ! Bloody weirdo and yes creepy ! X

ALittleBitConfused1 · 03/08/2018 05:50

I wouldnt say its stalking, thats just not accurate. i used old and i always tried to check out their profile on fb prior to dating. Not an in depth search just a nosey at their profile.
I once discovered quite quickly one man was still married and another had only been single for a matter of weeks rather than the 18 months he actually told me. Its amazing how much info a few posts gives you.
One man was clearly a very angry individual, his timelone was full of drunken rants at 2 oclock in the morning.
My fb profile isnt linked to my phone number and has the highest privacy settings so it cant be traced using the number i currantly use.
Im not suprised, disgusted but not suprised, at his attitude. I dated a black guy in my 20s. He was a lovely guy and while my family didnt give a shit that he was black his family certainly wasnt happy that i was white. His siblings were always making racist remarks towards me and his mother wouldnt even meet me because she didnt want him dating a white single mother.
A few people, while we were out, made remarks similar to what this arsehole sent you. Racism, from all sides, is stil alive and kicking, even in these times.
Just be thankful you found out now what a prick he is.

Original poster
BlackMirror · 03/08/2018 06:15

Thank you all for these comments, they've given me needed validation on it. I've never experienced racism for having mixed race children so it's kind of knocked me sideways.
I definitely won't contact his employer as it'll come back to me and we live very close to eachither so don't want to feel worried about repercussions.
Tinder haven't been back to me.

My Facebook isn't linked to my phone number but I can still find friend through contacts so I guess people can do that for me - however my page is all with very high privacy.

He actually asked for my Facebook the night before the slur and I declined as I said I only have close friends and family on there due to having pics of my kids up, he was cool with that.

Just makes me sad there are people like that out there still. Obviously feels inferior.
I got my hair done yesterday and my hairdresser, who is from Brazil, said it's lovely how many mixed race children there are in our part of London and how beautiful it is so that made me feel better.

OP posts:
ErrmWTAF · 03/08/2018 06:25

I agree with a PP that he felt affronted that you didn't have phone sex with him on his schedule. How very dare you!!! Grin

Look up "Bye Felipe" - I think it's on Instagram - and have a read. Very funny and cathartic.

Ryder63 · 03/08/2018 06:39

#byefelipe is fabulous! ]grin]

cakecakecheese · 03/08/2018 07:01

Urgh oh well at least he showed his true colours before you met up with him I suppose.

I know his comment was very upsetting but please try not to let him get to you too much, he's an ignorant racist scumbag who's not worth wasting any time thinking of.

Theycouldhavechoseneve · 03/08/2018 07:03

Just looked up Bye Felipe. Those men are awful! I’ve never been spoken to by a man in that way even if I have turned him down. Horrible experience for OP and every other woman who’s experienced it

numptynuts · 03/08/2018 07:12

What an arsewipe.