Marriage 10yrs +

[BooBreakingAgain]

some frequent posts on MN about living together but living apart, sexless marriages, rubbing along and so on..

It made me think whether this is a natural progression for majority of marriages? (The ones not so happy)

I been married 9yrs and we struggle, and I see ourselves heading towards living together but apart... so sad, but I wonder how that starts? Does it grow slow or is it instant/ triggered by event? I suspect slow, but is it weeks/ months / years..?

It's sad but I do think naturally on a forum you see the bad bits... I've been married 18 years this year and we are genuinely happy, good sex life no major issues. It's not something I would start a topic about though so I don't think that the majority of marriages are crappy (Not that I'm saying yours is!) Just that people are obviously more likely to need support /talk about difficult times than post about being happy and plodding along!

I get your point Fussy..
in real life I have been chatting to some older friends and it made me wonder. I would have never accepted a set up like that, but it never even crossed my mind that those situations are quite common. Or at least now I think they are! I felt quite fortunate in my relationship (although not perfect by any stretch) that is still very emotional, close and worth fighting for.

It is one of those things you never think about / consider until you are in the precise situation and then - this lightbulb moment happens.

I don’t think it’s uncommon but I don’t think it’s a natural progression either.

My marriage (20 years) isn’t like this and neither is my parents (50 years).

My Grandparents were married for over 60 years and were completely devoted to the end.

It’s easy to let things fall to pieces, especially when life is full of kids and work and housework.

You have to try to put in the same amount of effort into the relationship at 9 years that you put in at 9 months. Go on dates, spend time together, have fun, value what’s important to each other. You need to keep seeing each other.

It’s hard work. Usually worth it though.

Parents married just shy 40yrs this year, grandparents would have been 62yrs this year and I am married 11yrs in exactly one month.

It is sad to see so many relationships go tits up but many aren't solid to begin with and built on issues etc.

I agree with PPs - it's not inevitable, but it does take work and effort to keep being each other's partner, and not just parents or carers for elderly parents etc. We've been together 25 years this year -married for 18, and we still make each other laugh and have fun together, both with and without the children. My parents have been married for 47 odd years and both sets of my grandparents for 60+ years before them - all of them very happily - so it is possible. I just don't think that people post on the relationships board unless things aren't good - and if one did, one could be accused of being a 'smug married'

That is so reassuring, thank you!

In seem to have fallen into the trap of thinking that could be a natural progression for marriages.. just by seeing volume of comments on that topic!