Ex husband - advice please

[Pixikitten0123]

Hi I’m new here and just wondered if you could give me some advice. My husband called me at the beginning of March to say he wasn’t coming home and since then I’ve had my suspicions he’s been seeing his ex girlfriend. He was supposed to get his mail redirected but his bank statement arrived here today - I’ve opened it and over the last month he’s transferred £500 into her account with various debits to her local shop too. He’s swearing blind there’s nothing going on but refusing to tell me what the money is for - he was too skint to pay me maintenance at that point? What do you think?

First of all, very sorry for what you’re going through. I was cheated on (exW in my case) and it was rough for the first 6 months.

What do you mean by maintenance? Child support for DC or spousal maintenance? If you’re in the UK, spousal support isn’t the norm these days. Child support definitely is, and you should get a claim in with CMS to assess and collect this (if it’s due).

What are your circumstances? How old are you both and how long married? What’s happened to the house (if you own one together)?

What he spends his money on is only really your business if he actually should be paying you support.

Hi, together 12 years, disabled child of 8 and a son of 10. He’s given her so much money while crying the poor tale to me. No arguments at all before he dropped his bombshell, we were fine. He’s been angry with me since he left, blaming me for everything when he worked away all week. I feel like I’ve been had over.

Wow. He sounds like a prince among men. You’re definitely better off without him but what a horrible shock.

Has he been having contact with your DC? Are you planning to divorce?

If you’re definitely split up and he’s not coming back then sod not having being able to avoid paying child support - if that’s what you mean - go on the CMS website and work out what he owes you, tell him to cough up or you’ll get them to take it from his pay cheque.

You know he’s a big fat liar so while I can completely understand the need to find out what’s going on, it must be driving you mad not knowing, you can’t trust anything he says so try not to engage too much. If you keep trying to get to the truth while he continues to stone wall you, you’re giving him too much power.

Sorry for your situation he sounds like a prick.

1st get some child maintenance if you are not already doing so via the child maintenance people so he can't wriggle out of it.

If he is seeing his ex leave the nasty piece of work too it. Better off without honey get child maintenance company onto him asap and focus on trying to get through this x

I’ve started divorce proceedings. He’s saying he’s going to call me tonight as he was driving when I called. I don’t believe him. Little girl is quite poorly at the moment and he’s been so aggressive all the way through this until now. I just want the truth.

Seems like he is living with OW and paying rent and contributing to food, rather than support his own children

You may never get him to tell the truth so don't hold out for that.
The way he left must have you in shock so completely understandable you are struggling to make sense of it all.

Do you have family support?

Retain or copy the statements. You could do with proof of it during the divorce.

Keep conversation about children and divorce.

Oh he’s not getting his statement, he was warned last week that if he didn’t get his mail redirected then it would be going in the bin. We’ve got the same initials so maybe Royal Mail made a mistake 😂 it’s going straight to my solicitor as I’ve sent my list of reasons but the petition hasn’t been sent yet. How can you walk away from your kids and wife who did pretty much everything? Thankfully the house is mine but he did jump over the garden wall and drive off in the car the day after the phone call. He’d clearly planned this as he drives a van all week and never takes the car key.

Do you work outside the home? If not, or if you work part-time and don't earn much and can't increase your earnings because you are caring for your disabled child, I would explore the issue of spousal maintenance with your solicitor. Also, you mention the house in yours, but as your DH, he may try to claim a percentage of it now or in the future. If you start considering pension sharing, spousal maintenance etc. I would have thought it would strengthen your negotiating position.

Is the car yours or provided for your disabled child (motability)?

I do work full time, I’ve paid for the car via a bank loan in my name, he used to give me part payments for it but only via bank transfer for the last couple of years

If car is on a loan in your name, surely you have rights to the car?

Ok so apparently he’s renting a room from her....

Oh bullpoos he is doinking her. They are going to deny deny deny. Stand your ground, you have him by the balls. Have you registered your vase wig the CSA as they will put a lien on his salary and automatically backdated it to the day he left.

You need to go NC wig him and advise him to dealbwih your solicitor.

I’ve been told I’m adding 2+2 and coming up with the wrong number. 😂 I’ve decided to have no contact with him as it’s all lies anyway - what’s the point? I’ve sent his bank statement into my solicitor.

Set up a CMS claim for child support you don’t need to be divorced to do that and it takes ages to kick in anyway so sooner the better.

If the car is in your name, contact the police and tell them he’s stolen it, which he has. How are you transporting the dc?