Let's talk about sex baby

[guildingthelily]

So at what point do you stop bloody asking/suggesting sex? My husband rolls his eyes at best or worst rolls over and snores. I'm not that hideous physically. In fact I am in much better shape than him by far. And I am 40 and have had 2 kids. My husband drinks a lot. I join in now and again for a drink but not to the same extent by far. Flipping heck, how long before you realise that he just has no sexual urges for you and you might as well stop suggesting as it's bloody humiliating to be turned down every time?

Has his drinking had any em negative effects on his abilities?!
Maybe he has concerns?
(also may just be a selfish twat)

How do you ask for sex? Do you ask him in person, do you make a move? You could always surprise him with oral or a passionate kissing session? How long has it been like this?

Would you say he's an alcoholic?
Will he address it and get help?
40 and resigned to a life without sex.
No thanks.
What does he say when you discuss how you feel about it?

Don't ask about having sex. Have a proper conversation about why you don't. Is it that he's lost confidence because of his fitness, lost function because of his drinking, or lost the urge because of age/whatever.

Some are treatable, some aren't. At least then you'd know.

From experience, his drinking will definitely be affecting his sexual drive. I'd have an honest and open chat about it with him, I'd tell him I can't stay in a sexless relationship and what does he suggest you two do together to improve things, for one, he needs to cut back on the booze.

You need to talk to him about this outside of the bedroom and when he is sober. This is no way to live.

From the opposite side of the fence, you end up having sex with your partner just to keep them happy, then sex becomes completely unpleasurable and just a monotonous task just to keep the partner happy... Then the partner realises this and is even more humiliated as they realise they are only doing it to keep them happy... You cant force someone to enjoy it Im afraid :-(

Im in no way belittling your feelings - low sex drive affects both parties in such horrible ways... Be gentle and see if there is any reason why, he may not wish to discuss with you but he may need to think for himself and try ways to get back into thinking sex is a good thing x

"From the opposite side of the fence, you end up having sex with your partner just to keep them happy, then sex becomes completely unpleasurable"

Probably so, however it would be harder for men to assume this role of the passive unmotivated partner just doing it for their partner. To be blunt, with low libido it becomes much harder to sustain an erection and ejaculate.

He's in a downward spiral.

He drinks and it lowers his sex drive which makes him mad at himself and mad at you (when you suggest sex it reminds him how incompetent he is).

So rather than solve the problem he doubles down on the drinking which makes everything worse.

I'd leave.