OH working away monday-friday loneliness

[sleepyhead24]

My OH has been working away monday-friday he works for a contracting firm in I.T, he's been doing this for 8 weeks now and wow I'm missing him a lot, we have one DC and were thinking about TTC but not now as I don't think I could be alone Monday - Friday with a newborn , I don't have a lot of friends I also have a neurological disorder .
I've told OH to look for another job but he's enjoying his work and seems to fit in well with the company he could be there for years , I'm not happy with this but I want OH to be happy he's struggled with work and fitting in he has high functioning ASD so I'm thrilled he's found somewhere where he can thrive but I feel so lonely and miss him. How do I go forward ? DD is very settled in school, she's 4 and in reception my dad and sister live nearby so I'm not keen on moving away near OHs work.

My DH has often worked away during the week for many years and it’s tough especially when DC’s were young. But he’s paid well and really enjoys the work. I wouldn’t move closer as he could move somewhere different.
Could you and DD go stay with him during the holidays?
It could be possible with a newborn if you have a good support network nearby. Also in IT there’s often an option of working from home 1-2 days a week. Could he do this?

We've done this and I found it awful. You'll get posters saying it's amazing, they're so independent and having the remote control is a dream. As with anything, it depends on your support structure and your personality type. I found the lonliness hard going and I felt constricted with no hobbies or social life as I didn't have anyone to watch young children. Weekends were devoted to cramming a family life together.

For me, there had to be an end point or I would've gone round the bend. Whilst waiting for it to end- spend on babysitters. Take care of yourself- being sole in command for most of the time with no week day support is hard going. You have to have a life too.

"I don't have a lot of friends"

This is the thing to try and change if youre lonely, you'll probably find your OH being away much less lonely if he's not your only social resource to fall back on.

We did it last year for 6 months. Had 1 dd age 1.5 and was pregnant. Found it quite hard but for us it was for a set time and then would be working at home again. Would not be happy to do it long term esp with a newborn.

Hardest thing was how much DH missed with our dd. He thought that she changed and grew every week and he was always missing new things.

FaceTime is great for keeping in touch and a really good routine for calls so toddler knows where daddy is. I found that I needed to be busy and have a structure to my week. This seemed to make the week pass faster and I wasn't wasting days wishing for the weekend.

Weekends were family time. That came before all other plans with family and friends.

I have experience of this too, and completely understand the loneliness

Try to make more friends if you can. I have a lot of friends but somehow never thought to ask them to come over.

As trickyboots says, some people will tell you you’re so lucky you can watch what you want on tv etc etc but the truth is doing it night after night week after week is hard on your mental health. Try to socialise and invite people round to keep you company xx

What about YOUR work? Can you WoH with him away all week?

You say OH, which implies you’re not married, so it’s important for you to WoH.

been doing it for years and it has taken a major toll on my relationships, pay keeps me at it. Most companies I have worked for tend to be flexible, working from home on a Friday makes a huge difference.

10+ years and counting here. It’s easier when the children are older. You need to fill your life with other stuff during the week.

Do you think he has sought out this situation partly because of the ASD? Maybe he likes weekday nights without the pressures of family life - he can just relax on his own after work. Difficult for you though as having a young child will make it hard to socialise in the evenings.