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Original poster

Starting again at 40

26 replies

NC4Now · 22/02/2018 20:59

Possibly facing this, and feeling pretty glum. I did it at 30 with two small kids, so I know I can. But I feel so OLD and worn out. (I don’t doubt that’s a symptom of my present circumstances).

Cheer me up with your tales of life beginning at 40 please?

OP posts:
Ruddygreattiger2016 · 22/02/2018 21:42

Well I'm 45 and starting over with just dc. It's scary but exciting! Life is too short to waste Flowers

Alison100199 · 22/02/2018 21:46

You can do it. I did and feel happier than i ever have. You are still young. Go out and grab life.

ToHullAndBack · 22/02/2018 21:57

My mum has just done it at 60! Madly in love and as happy as can be after a very nasty divorce and 10 years of being on her own.

It's never too late :)

confusedandemployed · 22/02/2018 22:00

I'm nearly 45, split with ex a year ago. I had a few moments of thinking of that was it for me in terms of relationships....been seeing a lovely smoking hot guy since November, all very casual but just as exciting as it was 20 years ago!

Without a doubt it's possible, you're but a spring chicken!

Baubletrouble43 · 22/02/2018 22:03

Started online dating at 40. Met dp within three months. It was love at first sight. Now aged 43 we are still massively in love and have two kids ( twins) and I have never been happier. Life truly begins at 40. My favourite decade yet and I'm only 3 years in!!

Yryo90096 · 22/02/2018 22:14

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thisishard2 · 22/02/2018 22:28

Yryo I agree. I am getting and am trying to wrap my head round the fact that it is very possible I will be on my own for the rest of my life.

thisishard2 · 22/02/2018 22:28

getting divorced

JeffreyNeedsAHobby · 22/02/2018 22:32

I'm a couple of years younger than OP. I've been single for 6 years and honestly feel I wouldn't fit someone in! I'm also not happy inviting someone in to my children's life when I feel I won't have time to get to know them well on their own, without the pressure of kids who aren't theirs for starters.
I also don't want to share the bed, clean up more than there already is or have to put up with sports every weekend - but that's more about the type of guys I see around (which as other posters allude to, isn't often as finding a sitter is a nightmare and costs as much as the night out itself!),

Original poster
NC4Now · 22/02/2018 22:34

Unmumsnetty hugs for Yryo and this.
I was in that situation when I split from DCs dad a decade ago. It’s lonely and sad, and I don’t doubt I’ll feel those things again, but I do have a pretty active social life EOW, go on holiday with friends, or just me and DCs now, go to the gym a few times a week etc.

Are your children still quite little? It does get easier as they get older.

OP posts:
Huntinginthedark · 22/02/2018 22:35

My mum met her dp at 60
I don’t think age is the problem
At least you have dc, I’m approaching 40
Split up from ex, lost the love of my life and feel distinctly crap about it all.
Pretty sure I’ve lost all chance of ever having a family
But I wouldn’t say that Ill never meet someone else, that can happen at any age

dimots · 22/02/2018 22:38

If your children are old enough now to be left without a babysitter, things will be much easier than if they are very young.

It is undoubtedly tough to start again at 40 with younger children. Especially if you want a new relationship. You neither have the advantage of youth or the freedom of a grown up family.

Yryo90096 · 22/02/2018 22:42

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Original poster
NC4Now · 22/02/2018 22:45

I relate to that Yryo. Mine fight, or are tricky together. But now my youngest is old enough to be left alone I can get to the gym for an hour at the weekend while the teenager lies in bed till lunch, or nip out for an hour while he’s out with friends.
You’ll get there too.

OP posts:
JeffreyNeedsAHobby · 22/02/2018 22:49

YY - a lot of people get huge amounts of familial support and the ex takes kids for weekends etc. If you are a lone parent without local family sadly people forget to offer help and after a while you can feel bad asking.
I wonder if there is someone you know who would like to do a kid share? So you have theirs over for a night and swap for you to get to go out? I guess it's tricky with 2 though...

Yryo90096 · 22/02/2018 22:54

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JeffreyNeedsAHobby · 22/02/2018 22:59

Either of them have a birthday coming up? Trying to think of chances to meet their friends and maybe chat to their parents. It's hard though and the longer it goes the harder it feels.

Sorry OP didn't mean to derail.
How did you find the man you are/were with recently?

pezdamona · 23/02/2018 00:24

I went on a date 3 days before my 40th, he then turned up at my 40th party to surprise me (he was hoping to just see me and leave quietly). He ended up meeting everyone that night, over 3 years later we are still happier than ever! I was a single parent and a struggling student but my life changed beyond belief when I hit 40. Best age ever!

hellsbellsmelons · 23/02/2018 10:40

I started again at 41.
And I'm doing it again at 49.
It's been fun and heartbreaking and every other thing in between.
I wish I'd made some different decisions around 4 years ago.
But I enjoyed Singledom.

RubyRed2017 · 23/02/2018 11:34

I'm nearly 45 and been single a year. Like Yryo and others I am not feeling the fabulous. My ex was awful to me and unquestionably it was the right decision to split, however that doesn't make it easy. Day to day it is tough to keep all the balls in the air and I do feel like the odd one out as my friends and colleagues are all coupled up. Its not that I'm sat home alone looking at a wall, I have friends, interests and never enough time to do everything I want to.

Some people seem to find a new partner like falling off a log, well that's not been my experience. I've had my share of interest from men, but not anyone who I could have a relationship with. I tried OLD but didn't click with anyone.

myrtlehuckingfuge · 23/02/2018 18:54

I was binned for a younger model just a couple of months before my 40th. I have to say I am not bothered about finding anyone else until I have ticked off a few things. I have spent my new found time (he has the kids 40% I am lucky) exercising, socialising and going away either with work or to see more people. I look and feel better now than I did in my 20's- perhaps this was for the best- who knows I could have bought some extra years on the planet. I want to get a few sporting events under my belt. Things that I have never had the time to do before! Job's going well too and whilst I do miss the kids, I do relish my time more with them.

ferriswheel · 23/02/2018 18:55

Omg placemarking for all of your top tips.

Solly76 · 23/02/2018 20:29

41 and separated. My little son's dad lives miles away and works shifts that often cover weekends so I don't even get to have a weekend break EOW. Hardly get chance to do anything. I'm always either working or looking after my son.
All friends are coupled up. I'm okay on my own but as my friends are all coupled up they never want to do anything these days. Need new friends.
My boy has special needs so maybe I need to make friends with other single parents of children with SEN so we can get together as a group with the children.
I am hoping things will be better.

tizereyes · 24/02/2018 23:55

@Yryo90096 when you say you wonder how many have ended up like you, do you mean that you regret leaving your marriage (presumably it was your choice..)?

Does the relationship seem less awful with the luxury of hindsight, and do you enjoy being a single mum?

I am asking as somebody facing what you describe!

Hope you make some good friends at the school gates soon SmileThanks

Bluebelle38 · 25/02/2018 00:17

After a very painful split (on/off 10 years), I tried online dating. Met usual plonkers so decided one day to give it till the end the week. On the Thursday night, I received a message from a gorgeous toyboy (3 years younger. .) We met on the Saturday and are now together 4 years. He's the loveliest, kindest man I've ever met and I couldn't be happier.