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Original poster

Getting engaged, DP won't tell family.

25 replies

ClaryFray · 17/12/2017 11:06

DP and I have been together for 10 months, have spoken openly about want for marriage and kids pretty early on.

DP was planning an engagement New Year's Eve, however due to having to find out my ring size had to spoil surprise. (I don't wear any other rings for him to borrow to size.) we were speaking last night about how to announce it.

I said my family would know fairly quickly, and I asked when he'd tell his (would we have to visit, phone call) things like that.

His answer was by the end of January. I was a little disappointed. They don't live far enough away that we'd have to plan a visit. It could be a day trip.

I've got this feeling that he's hiding it for some reason. What do you lovely people think am I being too sensitive?

OP posts:
lucylouuu · 17/12/2017 11:42

that's only a couple of weeks after! i don't think he wants to hide it is not like he has said he'd tell them 6 months later or doesn't want to tell them atall, probably just doesn't want to rush to visit them a day after you've got engaged. i wouldn't get upset x

SwearySwearyQuiteContrary · 17/12/2017 11:44

If other people don’t know, you’re not engaged. Engagement is a public statement of an intent to marry.

Kr1st1na · 17/12/2017 11:45

If other people don’t know, you’re not engaged. Engagement is a public statement of an intent to marry

This

raisinsarenottheonlyfruit · 17/12/2017 11:46

A couple of weeks is hardly hiding it!

Bumbumtaloo · 17/12/2017 11:48

Tbh I don’t see it as him not wanting to tell them, just that he will tell them in his own time.

When we got engaged we didn’t tell anyone until we saw them. We saw my mum first so she was told first. MIL was some time after.

Kr1st1na · 17/12/2017 11:51

His plan won’t work in this social media age. They will end up finding out from elsewhere and be hurt.

Blackteadrinker77 · 17/12/2017 12:24

I'm just shocked that you're engaged after such a short time.

Why the rush?

Pancakeflipper · 17/12/2017 12:27

A few weeks until seeing family is not hiding it (certainly not on some of the threads I've read on MN - several months and years is hiding it).

Angelf1sh · 17/12/2017 12:38

He’s not saying he wants to tell them at the end of January, he said BY the end of January I.e. that’s the latest date he’d be comfortable telling them if you got engaged at the start of January. It sounds to me that he’s saying “we’ll go and visit them at some point in January when we’ve looked at our diaries and figured out a date”. That’s not hiding it, that’s just logistics.

buckeejit · 17/12/2017 12:38

Just ask him why he doesn't want to make a trip to tell them, I wouldn't worry-you are both like,y to have very different thought processes & it's important from the outset to ask & tell how you both feel about stuff

SandyY2K · 17/12/2017 12:56

I think I'd want to know why the delay in telling them.

cheesypastatonight · 17/12/2017 12:57

You sound hard work already!

BoneyBackJefferson · 17/12/2017 13:15

As you are technically engaged why are you waiting to tell your parents?

KinkyAfro · 17/12/2017 13:26

cheesy op has merely asked a question, how the fuck do you come to that conclusion?

TheNaze73 · 17/12/2017 14:22

If I was in his shoes I’d be worried that, people would be concerned about him getting engaged, when you barely know each other. Do you think that could be the case?

VimFuego101 · 17/12/2017 14:28

At the end of Jan I guess you would have been together for a year and perhaps he feels that is a more acceptable period to have been together before announcing an engagement?

BestZebbie · 17/12/2017 14:30

You are being too sensitive.

Ellisandra · 17/12/2017 14:33

Uh?
What on earth is the issue here? Confused

Won't tell family? Well that title is actually bollocks, isn't it? He will tell them - at some point in the month after you get engaged.

Maybe, just maybe, he's sees the engagement as the symbolic commitment between the two of you, and not just an attention seeking event to flash a sparkly ring around? Hmm

Butterymuffin · 17/12/2017 14:34

You've missed the moment now to say 'Why? It won't take that long to pop round'. But it'll be easy enough in early January to say on a free weekend day 'let's call round at your parents' house and tell them our engagement news'. Do that.

Ellisandra · 17/12/2017 14:39

It's not up to her to be micromanaging a visit to tell his family though - don't start the wifework at the first hint of being a wife!!

When I got engaged, I didn't tell my parents. Because we're not close and I'm an adult and I choose who I tell.

It's not actually that big a deal. Yeah sure - happy news. But nothing that needs you to get up at 07:00 New Year's Day and rush off to tell them (show them the ring)

My fiancé probably didn't tell his parents for a couple of weeks - just next time he was speaking to them. I didn't tell my siblings until we had plans to be together - that was probably a month.

Sounds like he's fitting it into usual communication schedule and knows that he usually sees them within a month.

scottishdiem · 17/12/2017 14:41

Only one person on my DPs side knew we got married. We told them all seven months later. Nothing about me or DP. Everything about them. The fact that he wants to tell them is a good thing.

Grunkle · 17/12/2017 17:30

You're engaged to someone who you don't trust to set an appropriate communication schedule with his own family... And/or to have the right intentions in announcing your engagement.

Why are you doing this again?
You know you can actually wait until you know and trust him better?
10 months in a dangerously short relationship to begin moving towards marriage... The fact that you have instantly got your dander up over this non issue clearly supports that. If you knew him well and trusted him this would not bother you because you'd clearly understand his reasons and style with his family dealings.

Are you one of those lasses who has decided how the man in her life is supposed to be/act, and now that the rings on the finger you're going to obsess about how to cajole him into doing everything your way, until the day he loses his mind from it / dies?

Get a grip, and I recommend you closely examine your reasons for wanting to marry someone you don't know or trust

PinkHeart5914 · 17/12/2017 17:34

It’s not “won’t ” tell his family though is it, it’s he won’t tell them as quick as you want him too! He wants to wait just a few weeks after the engagement to tell him family I am really not seeing the problem

Maybe he is worried they will be a bit shocked as you’ve only been together just 10 months which is no relationship at all. He thinks it will sound better if it’s nearer the time you’ve been together a year?

burnoutbabe · 17/12/2017 17:47

not telling his family also means you can't really tell anyone, as else they will find out and be hurt. So he is saying "we won't be announcing it for a while"

We phoned both sets of parents the next day and then celebrated when we next visited them. We the "told the world" via a facebook announcement.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 17/12/2017 20:03

Well, if I were his family I wouldn't be overjoyed at him getting engaged to someone who wasn't even on the scene last Christmas. Is he waiting until after your one year anniversary to make it seem less odd?

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