Repetitive conversations

[Chillspot]

I have people in my life with whom I seem to have the same conversations with over and over again.

For example, my Dad never seems to listen properly to things I say. And so he ends up asking me the same questions every time I go see him. He's a senior citizen and so maybe gets a bit forgetful from time to time.

But then I have friends who seem to tell me the same stories over and over again each time we catch up.

I find it tedious. And just wondered if other people experience this? Or just generally what people's views are on this..

Yes!! I find it tedious, and actually a bit offensive too. Like are you paying so little attention to the conversations you have with me that you don’t remember you’ve told me this before. I’m talking about when people go into detailed stories about what seem to be significant events.

I should probably just say yes you’ve told me before, I don’t know why I don’t.

I suspect you do the same

We all do

I suspect you do the same

We all do

Thanks Shepherd. It's strange isn't it.

I'd like to think that generally speaking, I can mostly remember what I've talked about with most people in my life. So hopefully I don't end up repeating stories etc very often.

But with my Dad, and certain friends, they don't seem to possess the ability to remember what I've told them, or what they've told me previously.

The cynic in me did start to wonder at one point if it's a passive-aggressive technique on their part. Maybe that's unfair, I don't know. I just find it tedious, a waste of conversation and time, and it irritates me!

I have this and I end up nodding along like an idiot even though I've heard the story multiple times!

Probably should just say yeah you told me this before but I never do! Somehow it seems a bit rude to say it when someone is full swing in a story.

On the other side of the coin I have people in my life who don't tell me very important things until months after it has happened! Like engagements, holidays, relationships ect.

Maybe it just shows the quality of my friendships...

Yes Microwaved, I can relate!

I also often just nod along (but in the back of my mind I'm thinking 'this is a waste of life')

I need to chill out don't I !

I like it tbh
If they’re telling me a funny story, or one from the past that has had a big impact of their lives I enjoy watching them and listening.
It’s like watching a favourite film or TV series again or re-reading a good book.

Yes!
Live up to your username

Indeed I should user21.

Maybe they don't have much happening in their lives and their stories don't get 'topped up' with new event/experiences to recount.

With your Dad, it probably is partly an age thing. My Mum comes over every week and always tells the same stories about her friends, church etc. Nod and smile.......

This started to happen so frequently to me that I decided that I must do the same to others and just not realise it.

Well as your dad is getting older you need to get used to this. Old people deserve to be listened to again and again so bear with him. Your day for repeating yourself will come!
As for friends some people genuinely seem to have a bad memory. I remember what people told me 20 years ago but sometimes having that kind of memory is a pain if l would rather forget. Just be patient. Im sure you have aspects to you that are annoying. We all hope others just bear with us.

What I can’t stand is when people whinge endlessly about the same problem(s) over and over again, every time you meet or even text them, but are not at all pro-active.

One of these people whines constantly about how much they hate their job, pay, and their colleagues, yet refuses to apply elsewhere as they can’t stand writing applications or attending interviews. Do any of us?!

I’ve tried to encourage the same person to study part time in the evenings for a Degree to help expand her horizons, but she says she doesn’t want to have any debts. She still lives in her family home, so her debts wouldn’t be as high as some, and could earn so much more upon graduating.

I’ve moved through several jobs, as I just refuse to be so unhappy due to work, and have a postgraduate qualification, yet I’m now studying for another Degree, so her type of attitude really doesn't make sense to me.

The same person goes on endlessly about the fact they are single and don’t meet anybody blah blah blah. I’ve suggested internet dating, applying for First Dates, going out more often, making more of an effort with her appearance, and occasionally looking up from social media and looking at people around them instead. She hasn’t done any of it. I’ve tried being nice about it, and I’ve tried the tough love approach. I’m now fed up after 10 years of the same wailing, and just try to cut off her sentences, as she does nothing to help herself despite many people trying to help her.

Rant over!

I get you OP, I have certain friends that repeatedly tell me the same thing. They just don’t seem to realise that they’ve told me before. I get it that if a drama is unfolding sometimes you don’t know what you’ve told the other person to date. I say yes, you’ve told me that, or ‘last time we spoke you told me up to the point blah blah’ etc. I’m guilty of doing to others too.. I do try and remember where I’ve got to in a story and try to counter it with ‘where did I get to’ or ‘sorry if I’m repeating myself’ ‘have I told you this before?’ etc. I think just nodding and smiling is your enemy here. you can politely say ‘yes you’ve told me that story’. It does rather depend on what’s being repeated though as to your response. I think when I was younger I felt it impolite to not say anything, but now, I nip it in the bud and I notice people doing the same with me.

I can't always remember who I've told what to. I hope that if I'm repeating myself, a friend would politely say that they had heard the story and ask me if there was an update.

I think everyone does to some extent, but some people definitely more than others.
With one woman at the school gate I always seem to have the same 3 minute conversation about 1 or 2 different topics. I'm desperately trying to think of something else to say to her, but because I don't know her very well it's hard to know where to start!

Now I say 'Have I already told you this ?'