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Original poster

DH doesn't help with Uni fees

28 replies

paperboatsandrain · 07/12/2017 14:04

Married , SAHM for 7 years.no joint account, set amount paid in to my account every month, not the best set up I know but learnt to live with it but want to change.
I want to go back to uni next year, but DH won't support financially with the fees and other costs. We have some savings but in his name.However I'm determined to do this myself and build my own career , it feels impossible though, has anyone done this? Can I apply for a student loan( I'm from UK) ?

TIA,

OP posts:
insancerre · 07/12/2017 14:07

You can get a loan that you don't start paying back until you earn over £20.000
But why are your savings in his name?
I would work to get that changed

debbs77 · 07/12/2017 14:10

Sorry but what an arse!

DonnyAndVladSittingInATree · 07/12/2017 14:10

You need to change your financial set up. You are dependant on him and now you’re finding out exactly what that means. It means you are vulnerable to being controlled by him and voila, that’s what Is happening. Change that first.

TheABC · 07/12/2017 14:11

Check out the student loans webite - that should lay out the criteria. Are you in the UK now/planning to study at a UK university. Also, what qualification are you after? It may be worth looking into the professional bodies as many of them offer accredited courses that can be done gradually, module by module and cost less than a standard degree.

Finally, will your DH be obstructive about your study time (never mind the finances!). Who will look after the kids, for example if you have an all-day workshop or exam?

Disquieted1 · 07/12/2017 14:17

The Open university is surely the way to go if you have children. Going back to uni will cost maybe 15K per year and only you can say whether the family could put this money to better use; it might be nothing to you.

pog100 · 07/12/2017 14:18

he sounds difficult and controlling enough that you need to sort this out once and for all before you contemplate a Uni. course with him in the family. By which I mean you have to lay it on the line that he either sees you as a full team with shared finances and decisions, or you separate. The savings are then at least half yours, he has to pay appropriate CM and there situation with fees/grants/benefits etc. will be much clearer. You have to mean it! I have seen too many women struggle with their courses with totally unsupportive husbands, and amazing single mothers who do cope.

FizzyGreenWater · 07/12/2017 14:23

What a controlling prick.

How about you sit him down and tell him that -

  • your family money is your family money;
  • if he doesn't agree, you're better off divorcing, the courts will split it for him, then you can go to Uni and he can discover just how much harder his life would be if you weren't there
-that maybe you'll do the above anyway, as he's proven what a shit he is and you're beginning to rethink this 'family' thing as he clearly isn't signed up to it.
user1484311384 · 07/12/2017 14:34

Agree with people suggesting you need to renegotiate the money/savings issues. Do look into the Open University, it's so flexible and they're very supportive. Achieved my degree in four years and the experience was actually life changing - can't recommend them highly enough.

Gruach · 07/12/2017 14:36

Disquieted1 isn't the OP part of 'the family'?

Gruach · 07/12/2017 14:38

This is the second thread I've seen in five minutes where a poster is having her academic aspirations scuppered by a partner. Angry

Cricrichan · 07/12/2017 14:38

Simple..divorce the prick and take half of everything of more and he can do what he wants with what's left of his savings as well as having to look after his kids for half the time.

Original poster
paperboatsandrain · 07/12/2017 14:46

I come from a small Asian country, got married to him at 21(he was already living and working here) and we settled here in UK. My English will not be good enough but I will try my best. I have passed My GCSE and A/L and was qualified to study medicine back in my country( which is very competitive) but I never got the opportunity, as my parents couldn't afford it.
Anyway My youngest will be starting school next year, so I thought I can go back to Uni, but my husband is not supportive. He thinks I'm not capable of doing this. It will be a waste of money.
However I'm determined to do this. I have a small saving myself I did over the years by cutting down all salon,clothing , outing expenses. I can use this for childcare if I wanted too, or taxis.

I m looking for a degree in health science, I have visited the Open day in at University close to where I live.

I need to be financially secured, then I can move on to the next stage. Most of all I need to prove him that I am capable of earning more than him if I did have a chance.

Thank you for the replies, I will enquirer about modules. It looks like I can apply for a student loan. Husband earns 60k annually will this affect my student loan?

OP posts:
Mrsfs · 07/12/2017 14:48

Look at the open university, you can do it full time there, if that is what you want, and you can get a tuition loan which you don't pay back until you earn over a certain amount.

I am sorry your husband isn't being supportive.

donajimena · 07/12/2017 14:52

We have lots of ESL students on my bricks and mortar uni course who are offered classes in English and academic writing. Worth bearing in mind over open university. Please check if your uni offers these. I am sure they will x

fantasmasgoria1 · 07/12/2017 15:14

A friend of mines husband at the time refused to support her financially but she after much corresponding with student finance got full student support. Speak to student finance and citizens advice.

Disquieted1 · 07/12/2017 15:18

Just realised my post above is ambiguous.
When I state that the money might be nothing to you, I meant nothing to you as a family I.e. You could easily afford it.

Bedtimebunny · 07/12/2017 16:31

What field are you hoping to work in at the end of the course? I ask because you said "health science", if you're hoping to work in an nhs laboratory as a scientist you need to make sure this course is accredited. You dont want to put all that effort in just to find out the course won't get you where you want. (You won't earn anywhere near 60k as a scientist in nhs though unless you get to lab manager position- biomedical scientist here).

Sorry, a bit of a derail there.

If it is affordable and won't impact on the kids then I think he is being very unreasonable refusing to support you. I'd contact the open university for advice, they are the experts.

Half of any savings he has in his name are legally yours, it isn't up to him how it is spent. If he doesn't like it then tough, he should have thought of that before getting married..

LIZS · 07/12/2017 16:39

Household income will affect the maintenance loan , which would potentially be lower due to living at home anyway. It doesn't affect the tuition fees loan as long as you meet the criteria. There may be bursary funding or grants available for specific circumstances from the uni, such as for mature students or to cover childcare.

Do check this course is really worth paying 9k+ a year for though, what jobs do graduates progress on to, are there opportunities for placements , internships or work experience?

Original poster
paperboatsandrain · 07/12/2017 20:04

My husband started with 26k and progressed over 8 years. He doesn't understand my contribution on that. I do not wish to earn 60k from the beginning, but I feel like I haven't made anything for myself.
Recently we bought a house but again it's solely on his name, I'm worried about this too.

I will take onboard everything being said here. OU is a good choice too. But looking at the fees and it's not cheap. Even if I manage tuition fees through the loan, I need funds for exams and other things.

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 07/12/2017 20:47

Have a look at this

www.gov.uk/advanced-learner-loan

You should be able to get a loan. PM if you have any questions as I font always return to threads.

Bedtimebunny · 07/12/2017 21:20

I need to prove him that I am capable of earning more than him if I did have a chance

Sorry, I mengined the 60k thing because of this comment.

What does he say to you when you point out that he wouldn't be on the wage he is if you hadn't been a SAHM?

Half of the property he has bought belongs to you regardless of whether it is just in his name or not. 100%.

Bedtimebunny · 07/12/2017 21:20

Mentioned *

Original poster
paperboatsandrain · 07/12/2017 22:26

It's always I earn so it's my money attitude , it's always been that way

OP posts:
Original poster
paperboatsandrain · 07/12/2017 22:26

Thank you sandy I will check this link

OP posts:
Original poster
paperboatsandrain · 07/12/2017 22:28

Half of the property he has bought belongs to you regardless of whether it is just in his name or not. 100%.

This is true. But still he can sell without my consent, I have no say on it

OP posts:
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