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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

should be the happiest time

21 replies

Ellona · 04/12/2017 09:25

I've recently moved out with my partner n the first few weeks were the best but I feel really home sick n miss my mum( I am a proper mummies girl). Is this normal to feel so down about?

OP posts:

hellsbellsmelons · 04/12/2017 09:30

Why are you feeling down?
Is your partner being supportive?
How old are you?
Do you still see your mum on a regular basis?

whiskyowl · 04/12/2017 09:31

How old are you?

Ecureuil · 04/12/2017 09:32

How far away from your mum are you?
I moved out to go to uni at 18, I was only homesick when I was ill or had spend all my food money on nights out! Never really went back home after uni (lived alone for a year then in with my now DH).
It’s normal to feel unsettled I think.

Original poster

Ellona · 04/12/2017 09:34

Tbh I don't know maybe it's because I can only get to see her once a week due to work schedules.
He is half n half tbf some nights he comes in from work n we have the best conversations n relax and other nights he hardly speaks to me.
I'm 27.

OP posts:

Ecureuil · 04/12/2017 09:35

I lived in a different country to mine so only saw them every couple of months!
Are you happy in your relationship?

PNGirl · 04/12/2017 09:36

Honestly, 27 is unusual to miss your mum if you are seeing her weekly. If it's because you are unhappy living with him that's a different matter.

hollowtree · 04/12/2017 09:36

I'm 27 too and just had a baby so really enjoy seeing my mum regularly! If I didn't, I would miss her. By regularly I mean once/twice a week. Would this be possible for you? Just a coffee and a chat is enough sometimes! No one understands you like your mum!

Ecureuil · 04/12/2017 09:38

Is this the first time you’ve lived away from home?

Original poster

Ellona · 04/12/2017 09:40

I'm happy I just really miss my mum n I'm worried about falling into depression n how that will affect us

OP posts:

Original poster

Ellona · 04/12/2017 09:41

We don't live to far about 15mins away. It probably all sounds abit silly but I just needed to know whether what I'm feeling is normal so thought some advice from you lovely ladies couldn't hurt

OP posts:

Myheartbelongsto · 04/12/2017 09:47

We are all different op so this is normal for you.

In what way do you miss your mum?

Have you told her how you're feeling?

cherrycola2004 · 04/12/2017 09:47

I think it's normal, it's all new etc...

I was 17 when I left home, couldn't wait! We're all different.

Original poster

Ellona · 04/12/2017 09:47

Thank you ladies. It is the first time away.
We could possibly meet up In the week but wouldn't be for long maybe a hour or so

OP posts:

Grunkalunka · 04/12/2017 09:52

It is a big change and if your DP is being "moody" then perhaps living together is not meeting your expectations. It is hard to live with someone when you don't know what mood they will be in - you can find yourself "walking on eggshells".

You need to think about how you want things to be with your partner and talk to him about it. You don't need to wait in every night for your partner -take a few nights out to go visit your mum if that is what you need or have some good long phone calls (especially if partner is in a non talkative mood). You are probably just adjusting to change. How was your partner before moving in - was he always talkative then?

rockcakesrock · 04/12/2017 09:56

I don’t know if this will help as it is to do with training new members of Staff and coping with change. I think that what you are feeling Is understandable.

Stage 1 unconsciously incompetent. Exited about a new venture but with out the skills
Stage 2 consciously incompetent. Where you are now. Fully aware of what you have taken on and a bit overwhelmed.
Stage 3 consciously competent. The realisation that you can do this.
Stage 4.unconsciouly competent. Accepting the new role/change without thinking about it.

The most important thing is to accept that change is not always easy. You are not doing anything wrong, just taking time to adapt. There are quite a lot of resources regarding managing change that you could read.

It is really important that if, after you have given it some time, you find it is not working, move on or move back to your mum. You willl have learned new skills to help on your next move,

Leslieknope123 · 04/12/2017 10:03

It's like giving up cigarettes. It'll suck for the first month but you'll be fine. I'm a similar age but I never see my mum and miss. Her lots. But it makes.me seeing her.more special! You need time to adjust to living away from her! Once that passes then see if your relationship is okay, sounds like you might be taking normal things to heart because you're worrying more (at the end if the day people can be tired...so less chatty) xxx

Original poster

Ellona · 04/12/2017 10:08

@myheartbelongsto
I just miss talking to her really n not seeing her everyday is abit weird. I haven't told her how I'm feeling as I don't want her to worry about me as
she has alot on her plate atm.

@cherrycocacola at first I felt exactly the same excited n couldn't wait to get out but now it's been a while I miss her.

@GrunkaLunka that is wonderful advice. I don't feel I have to walk on eggshells but it is hard sometimes when he does his own thing which shouldn't bother me as I enjoy my own time to. I think I need to have a think about what you've said and talk to him.

OP posts:

Original poster

Ellona · 04/12/2017 10:10

@GrunkaLunka he's never been much of a talker but has his moments. I am a real chatterbox so maybe it's about finding the right balance in a new situation.

OP posts:

mindutopia · 04/12/2017 10:17

Any move is a big transition and I think (assuming your relationship is otherwise healthy and happy) that you just need to give it time. You're quite old to still be living at home (I first moved out at 17, though moved back home for a bit around 20-21), so you've been used to things being a certain way for a long time. It just takes time to get used to a new normal. By 27, I lived in another country a 12 hour flight from my mum, so you're very lucky to live so close and to still see her so often. Just give it time for all of you to adjust.

That said, moving in with a new partner is also a transition. It's not like dating anymore. Every night won't be special or fun. You may not even see each other some days. Your relationship will become a bit more about bills and who needs to take out the bin and less about deep conversations and special times together. You will also start to be upset and annoyed about entirely new things about each other and it can cause some tension. That takes getting used to as well. I think you just need to be patient and give yourselves time to adjust and not worry too much about it all right now.

Original poster

Ellona · 04/12/2017 10:24

@rockcakesrock that totally transfers to every change in life thank you, defiantly taking this on board.

@leslieknope123 you've hit the nail on the head with me worrying. Thank you for sharing that with me, makes me feel alot better about the future :) x

OP posts:

Cricrichan · 04/12/2017 13:45

I loved living away from home. The freedom, being able to do what I wanted. And also loved when I first went to live with a boyfriend.

It might be the change that you're struggling with or letting go of your comfort. It might be that your bf isn't right for you. You've only just moved so give it some time and see how you feel. If it's not right then you can always move on or move back, but I wouldn't worry too much about it.

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