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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I don’t think I’m ever going to meet someone

29 replies

ChaChaChaCh4nges · 01/12/2017 20:04

I’m a single parent and I work full time in a high profile, stressful job. And I’m never going to meet anyone because every time I start talking to someone they’re put off by the DC or my job. I’m alone on Friday night and so lonely.

OP posts:
RainyApril · 01/12/2017 20:15

I'm not sure that I've got anything particularly wise or helpful to say, but I didn't want to read without commenting.

First of all, there's a lot of us out here in the same position. It's shit isn't it?

Secondly, you can't honestly know what's around the corner and things can change, you have to always be hopeful about life I think.

Thirdly, why are men put off by dc and a great job? I would suggest that they are men who aren't worth having.

What are you doing to meet people? You need to be proactive, no one will knock on your door.

All easier said than done, I know.

MissConductUS · 01/12/2017 20:19

Your situation is certainly challenging, and I can understand why you are discouraged but it would be a mistake to give up hope. I think you need to seek men who have similar circumstances to your own. A carefree bachelor will be put off by your situation. A single father with a career should be more understanding.

How many children do you have and how old are they?

Original poster
ChaChaChaCh4nges · 01/12/2017 20:20

I know I have nothing to complain about - I have my children, my health and I can support a roof over our heads. I just wish I wasn’t doing it alone. I’d love someone to want to buy me a Christmas present.

I tried online dating. Never again.

OP posts:
Original poster
ChaChaChaCh4nges · 01/12/2017 20:21

Three children, all still at primary school.

OP posts:
meowimacat · 01/12/2017 20:27

Oh hun this time of year is awful when you're single. I'm a single mum, my first year being single in about 8 years. I'm alone on a Friday night too. But you know what? You need to stop thinking that nobody will want you because you have DC because that actually isn't true. Yes it does limit the amount of guys who will be interested, because not everyone wants to take on other peoples children. But there ARE people out there who do. I have felt that despondent feeling for a long time. Even though right now I'm still single, I joined Tinder the other day (for the 100th time, I usually delete it soon after as I hate the idea of online dating) and am already talking to a guy with no children who's a teacher who is actually showing interest in me even though I'm a mum with two DC. You just need to sift through all the idiots to find the decent ones, and yes it can be depressing at times.

There are so many people in the world, you need to either get out there and join some groups where you're meeting people, or get back online and not take it all too seriously. xxxx

Original poster
ChaChaChaCh4nges · 01/12/2017 20:31

I’m just too old for it to work.

OP posts:
userxx · 01/12/2017 20:47

You're never too old!!! How old are you?

Original poster
ChaChaChaCh4nges · 01/12/2017 20:49

42

OP posts:
Fairylea · 01/12/2017 20:52

You’re never too old. My mum is 70 and has done a lot of online dating in the last 20 years since she’s been divorced and has had two longer term relationships from it. They didn’t work out for various reasons but it can do - I met dh online after I got divorced! - you just have to keep at it.
Kiss a lot of frogs and all that. If you give up you’ll definitely never meet anyone. I would just consider it a hobby - much like reading the paper online everyday or whatever. Check online everyday, see what’s about.

I remember being so lonely after my now ex left me. I was nearly 30 with a 6 year old dd and to make matters worse I’d just been made redundant and couldn’t get any other similar type of job. I ended up working all the hours god sends in a minimum wage job in a hotel just to keep my head above water. I was so depressed I literally thought my life was over. Gradually things became better though. Joining plenty of fish was the best thing I ever did! Met a lot of weirdos but then eventually met now dh who was my kind of weirdo... been together nearly 8 years now and have one child together as well as my now teenage dd.

SJM72 · 01/12/2017 21:03

42! You're just coming into your prime!

userxx · 01/12/2017 21:08

We are the same age ;-). I'm most definitely not too old and the same goes for you. Don't get me wrong, it's nowhere near as easy as what it was 20 years ago but we could meet someone next week and be with them for 40 years!!!

letsdolunch321 · 01/12/2017 21:15

You are not too old. I am 51, met my partner 2.5yrs ago on a dating site having been cheated on after 21yrs of marriage.

Give it a go again, even if it is just for entertainment on a boring Friday night

trappedinsuburbia · 01/12/2017 21:22

I feel your pain, im 42 as well and I think having young kids is sooo hard when it comes to dating as they still need so much time and attention.
No suggestions, just your not alone, my youngest is 4 and im not anticipating being able to actually have a relationship for quite a while !

Homesunderthehammer27 · 01/12/2017 21:22

If you have a mindset that you won't meet anyone, then you probably won't but....

Internet dating is a minefield, although there are plenty of women on MN who have met fabulous men this way - including me at the grand old age of 46.

Try it again!

Choccywoccydoo10 · 01/12/2017 21:26

Havent read the comments yet but was feeling exactly the same as you. In alone this Friday night and it's awful feeling lonely. Before D'S dating was easy, now it's so hard. Obviously my son is my priority but a great relationship would be lovely

Boringnamechange1 · 01/12/2017 21:50

Haven't got any advice I'm afraid but just want to let you know you're not alone, I feel exactly the same. I have a 6 month old, 6 year old and no job so you're a better catch than me FlowersWine

Insomeotheruniverse · 01/12/2017 22:04

Yes you absolutely can meet someone. I’m the same age as you, a single parent with a full time job and have been separated from my long term partner for just over 2 years. I’ve spent most of that time by myself and have got used to being by myself and had actually become happy to be by myself.

I fully expected to be single forever and wasn’t looking for anything when suddenly I find that a recent friendship I’ve formed is turning a corner and developing more romantically. It has knocked me sideways and I feel like a love struck teenager all over again.

I don’t do online dating, never have. It is possible to meet people/potential love interests through work, through friends, in the supermarket, joining clubs...etc the more people you speak to the more you’re opening yourself up to opportunities. I met this new guy through an acquaintance who I don’t usually mix with much.

Say yes to any opportunities to get out and about, be happy and charming people will flock to you. It works trust me.

RainyApril · 02/12/2017 06:34

I'm older than you op, and still don't consider myself too old to find love!

People on here often say that online dating is a numbers game, to meet lots of people and see them as potential new friends or a funny story to tell your friends rather than overinvesting and then being disappointed.

The other thing is Meet Up, I know several people who have met partners through Meet Up groups.

I know it's a cliche but it's certainly true that if you keep doing what you've always done, you'll keep getting what you've always got. You may well be single for a long time yet if you're not being proactive about meeting people.

Ellisandra · 02/12/2017 08:56

If high profile job also means a bit of spare cash, and you didn't like OLD, how about an old style dating agency?

I'm your age, child and very full on full time job, getting married to a man I met on Match 4 years ago.

Flowers for now though, some days it does feel hopeless and impossible, even if people are saying it can happen!

MissConductUS · 02/12/2017 09:05

I also married a man I met on Match many years ago when the website was only a year old or so. It was free at that point.

What really makes internet dating worth the effort and the inevitable disappointments is the fact that it broadens the scope of the men you'll meet far beyond your immediate area, work and social circle. DH lived just far enough away that our paths never would have crossed any other way. We've been married for almost 20 years, have two great kids and have been very happy. I was divorced and in my mid 30's at the time.

Trills · 02/12/2017 09:08

If you are lonely and against online dating, can you think about trying to make new friends, or to "upgrade" some acquaintances to friends?

Having people to meet up with or just chat to or message about something you saw on TV can help with the feelings of loneliness.

RainyApril · 02/12/2017 10:01

Friday evenings are the worst though. I hate leaving work with all the excited coupled-up people, looking forward to their lovely weekend plans. For all I know their plans involve dusting and putting the bins out, but I imagine them quite differently. It is hard op. Feel free to come on and have an anonymous moan. But if you want constructive advice the only thing that works is not giving up and meeting as many people as possible.

Original poster
ChaChaChaCh4nges · 02/12/2017 16:40

Thank you all. An old fashioned dating agency sounds more my thing. Does speed dating still happen?

OP posts:
MissConductUS · 02/12/2017 17:37

Does speed dating still happen?

So it appears.

Speed Dater UK

Choccywoccydoo10 · 02/12/2017 18:49

missconduct I've done speed dating, God it was an awkward disaster. I went with a friend and just the most toe curling awkwardness!
We do joke about it now though. Least i gave it a go to boost confidence though!