Is he controlling or am I over sensitive?

[Lilly931]

So my partner and I got together in June and found out in October that I was pregnant (was using contraception but it failed) not an ideal situation but happy regardless. Ever since we have been together he has become really possessive and is constantly asking me what my plans are for the day seconds after I have woken up and he will go in a mood if he is back from work before I come back from having coffee at a friends. We recently got into an argument and he pushed me back ( very gently but still I’m not happy about it) he said that i scared him into doing it because I was angry and shouting . Every time I try to discuss with him how his constant asking what I’m upto and why I’m not texting him every minute of the day when he’s at work he turns it around and makes me seem ungrateful and that he thinks I’m taking advantage of him. I’m not sure what I want to get out of this post. I’m doubting everything at the moment.

Yeah controlling.

What are you going to do about it?

Yep. Controlling. If he's already pushing you physically then he's likely to get much worse quite quickly.

Pregnancy is a common trigger for the start of the escalation of problems with abusers.

Don’t listen to his crap - you didn’t make him push you. Get out. It will get worse and worse.

Lilly

His behaviour is controlling and controlling behaviour like he is showing you is abusive in nature. He will not change. You are seeing what he is really like and pregnancy is indeed a common trigger for abusers to exert their control.

Its not you, its him. You did not make him push you; he did that of his own choice, you did not make him do that.

Womens Aid are well worth contacting in your circumstances and they can help you further on 0808 2000 247

Controlling and on his way to becoming physically abusive. He's already blamed you for his physical action of pushing you.

You need to start making plans to leave. Get some help to do it safely.

Bloody needy and smothering and controlling. Get out while you are still you, before he changes that and your self esteem nose dives. Also you say he pushed you back, that implies you pushed him to begin with, don't do that.

Oh Lilly you're not over-sensitive (although I'm sure he'll tell you that you are).

This is a big red flag I'm afraid. Abusers can't just step back to being the person they were before this happened, as much as you (both) may want that to be possible. You need to get you and your baby out of this relationship in order to be safe. I'm so sorry, it must be very hard to come to terms with . I would second the advice of the posters suggesting Women's Aid to make your plan.

What they all said.

He's v v controlling, and is well on his way to becoming physically abusive.
He is already gaslighting you, and blaming you for his abusiveness.

Take it from someone who was in a horrifically abusive relationship for 4 years......this is how it starts, and it gets worse from here.

I know this is probably hard to read...but you need to leave him asap.

Thanks for all your advice . Oh by pushed me back I meant backwards .

Leave this piece of shit now.

Just out of interest, what contraception were you using that failed? Was he responsible, could he have sabotaged a condom?

This is all too familiar. He’s a controlling abusive twat. You need to leave him as it’ll only get worse. Think about it, he’s putting his hands on you whilst you’re carrying his baby. No matter how “gentle” he was he still physically pushed you. This will get worse and worse. Please leave, there’s tons of support out there to help you. Call women’s aid and look into their freedom programme, it’ll open your eyes.

Take care

He pushed you when you're pregnant? Leave as quickly as you can. He is dangerous to you and your child

That is not normal behavior, please leave as fast as you can..good luck

This is abusive behaviour, which will only get worse. Get out now.

Ring Women's Aid - they give brilliant advice. 0808 2000 247