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Original poster

I need to slow this down don't I?

18 replies

datingdora · 30/11/2017 22:36

NC'd for this as friends on here who have strong opinions on this. I've been dating my guy for the last two months - I like him a lot, a lot, a lot, you get the picture...we see each other 3-4 times a week and so far it's been amazing....I have young children so childcare isn't always easy for me so he has been coming over when the children are in bed l. He says he'd like to stay over with a view of meeting the children. I should say that I think he'd be wonderful with them but is it too early? He's talking about spending Christmas with us and whilst in theory I'd love it in reality it may not work. He's defininately a fast mover and very keen. I know there's no answer per se but I'd be interested in hearing from others and how you handled it. I love spending time with him
And would love to spend time with him and my kids

OP posts:
Garlicansapphire · 30/11/2017 22:37

Way too early.

TheHeartOfTeFiti · 30/11/2017 22:37

Go with your gut and slow it down.

Garlicansapphire · 30/11/2017 22:38

You dont know him at all - if it doesnt work out, how many men are you happy to introduce to your kids?

routineplease · 30/11/2017 22:38

If you were your DC age would you like to share xmas day with a man your mother had known for 2 months?!Hmm

Barbiesears · 30/11/2017 22:38

Much too fast. I'd be wary of a man wanting to play happy families so fast.

TammySwansonTwo · 30/11/2017 22:41

Waaaaaaaaay too early, and absolutely no to spending Christmas with them. It's only been two months, you barely know this person really. I'm sure you're a good mum and just caught up in the buzz of a new relationship but it's not fair to bring a new person in so early in a relationship, especially not at Christmas. If he's serious about s future with you he will understand why it's so important to wait. I can't imagine anyone thinking this is a good idea tbh

Isadora2007 · 30/11/2017 22:42

I met my now dh in September (innocent meeting and spend two days no physical stuff happened) then didn’t see him again til the last week in November. We were kind of phone dating as we spoke most nights for those 2/3 months. We then spent a week together when he met my children. We became engaged at the Xmas and married the following summer. That was ten years and two kids ago.

There isn’t a perfect formula... and sometimes fast isn’t “too fast”... what does your gut- not your friends- tell you?

Original poster
datingdora · 30/11/2017 22:42

Yes I don't think I disagree and that's why I've not taken the step. I'd like to clarify that I don't introduce men to my kids willy nilly - I'm quite new to the dating scene after my divorce. Think he's keen so that he's not lonely which makes me feel bad but he's not my responsibility. He has plans for Christmas Day and a few days before and after it is just after that. He can come over when they are fast asleep. In my mind I thought 6 months would be a sensible introduction date.

OP posts:
MiracleCure · 30/11/2017 22:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PenelopePear · 30/11/2017 22:45

Far too early. Give it a year before he stays over. Trust me, you'll be thankful you did

Olikingcharles · 01/12/2017 03:44

In my experience if they come on so full on in the beginning it usually crashes and burns just as quick. Take it slow if it's mean't to be it will be.

Boredboredboredboredbored · 01/12/2017 06:10

I am in a similar position as in new to dating after my divorce, dating somebody for two months too who I really like. We however are taking it slow, we meet 1-2 times a week but talk everyday. My dc are 13 & 14 and he hasn't met them yet, said it's completely my call on this. I do plan to take us all out for a meal towards the end of the year for them to say hi to each other but all of xmas together? No way!

I've rushed into my marriage and do not want to make the same mistake again. Savour it op and slow it down.

rizlett · 01/12/2017 06:24

If you want this relationship to last the best thing you can do is to slow it down.

This shows the man that you are a woman with high values and therefore someone he'd consider a keeper.

[which is often the opposite of what we might think they think.]

TheNaze73 · 01/12/2017 07:39

Put the brakes on.

3-4 times per week is very excessive. Seen friends plough headfirst into these boom/bust relationships, call it love when it’s clearly lust & they sizzle out.

If it’s really meant to be, reduce the amount of dates. If he really cares he’ll get it. Good luck Flowers

Charley50 · 01/12/2017 07:44

Yes slow it down. Another thing to watch out for us when you have dc at home you sometimes end up just having the boyfriend round, as you can't get a sitter. It's good to go on dates and see how they are when they're out and about. Does he want to take you out, introduce you to his friend etc?

GreenPurpleRed · 01/12/2017 07:46

Isadora did you have dc before you met your dh? Because if not you can't compare. I quit my job to follow dh backpacking after 3 months and are now also married 10 years.

BUT adding dc changes everything and I think you owe it them OP to slow it right down.

Bluntness100 · 01/12/2017 07:51

Agree, spending Xmas with your kids after two months together isn’t on. After two months why is he so keen to meet them and spend Xmas with them? Nearly every single person I know would think that is not just too much but incredibly intrusive. People can hide who they are for two months. Just hold back right now as I think this is an alarm bell.

Not spending the night is good, you really don’t know him well enough yet and your kids would be scared to wake up and meet him in the night.

At least six months, if not longer before he is introduced. If he cannot wait for that to meet them and be with them and pushes you, then you Know you have a problem on your hands.

Original poster
datingdora · 01/12/2017 22:28

Glad of the words.....I called him today and we spoke about slowing things down....he was completely cool with it and understood....he actually agreed with me when we discussed his children (they don't live near)....he's going to continue coming over for drinks and chills when the kids are in bed throughout the week....we do our own things at the weekend and this works pretty perfectly actually....we discussed Christmas and he's actually going away to see his family so that alleviates any concerns I had...taking it a day at a time

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