Blackmail?

[LouWal]

So my dad has been looking into buying a new car. Today he rang me and presented me with an option of me paying money towards the car and in return he would take me to and from work everyday. Now don't get me wrong, I don't mind contributing (tho his proposed amount was more than what it would actually cost him to take me to work). I was considering it until he told me that if I didn't want to pay that amount then he could go ahead and buy the car but wouldn't be able to give me any further lifts - anywhere - as he wouldn't be able to afford it.

It kinda felt like blackmail to me.

Does anyone see it that way or am I over-reacting?

Are you already able to get yourself to work? Or has your father been running you?

It is blackmail. From what you've written he's saying give me money towards the car and I'll take you to work don't and I'll get the car but won't take you anywhere. If he can afford it why would he need your money?

I generally get the bus but if the weather isn't great I would sometimes get him to take me in or collect me. It could be twice a week or once every few weeks. My journey involves the bus and a bit of a walk.

It’s not blackmail

He wants to charge you to go in his car. If you want to go you pay. You’re an adult?

So he’s under no obligation to take you for free.

Oh good, you don’t need him to drive you then

Unpleasant that your dad is doing that?
Maybe suggest a small amount per lift instead of one large amount for the car?

I'd just take the bus and use that cash to pay for driving lessons if you've not yet passed your test.

What sort of money are we talking? Uber is tenner a go.... my family would never do something like that. It's may not be but it sounds very mercenary. If it's 3-4K he is looking for I'd be inclined to book a cab 1-2 per week it would probably work out cheaper...

I don't have a problem with contributing Laurie, especially if he was going to take me everyday (currently he is not).

Yes, I'm an adult. Probably should have tried driving a long time ago but the confidence just isn't there.

And While not quite blackmail I do think it's manipulative/coercive and you shouldn't stand for it

Oh gosh no, nothing in the thousands. 75 a month I think it was.

It isn't blackmail but it is him saying quite clearly that he expects you to pay for your lifts in future.

If I were you, I wouldn't pay him a lump sum towards the car, but I would, in future, only ask him for a lift if I was really really desperate (e.g. bus not running) and in those circumstances, offer to pay him petrol money.

You'll probably find that if you only ask him for a lift once every couple of months or so, he won't expect you to pay, but it sounds like he's getting fed up of you asking so often.

Bus pass is probably cheaper tell him that he might lower his expectations seriously he expects his child to buy him a car? My dad bought my first car for me I'm 42 years old (Yes I should have passed years ago but I didn't have the cash so he gave me and my sister our inheritance early to do what we wanted and I chose to drive)

No no no don't do it.
I would doubt that in a few weeks or so your dad would get a bit fed up/be restricted by being your chauffeur every single day-twice a day and it would all fall through.
Continue getting the bus and walking but perhaps take an Uber when the weather is really bad.

Hi,
Are you living with your dad then?
If you are happy with the bus and occasional lift,just contribute the amount you had originally planned and he should be happy with that.
To expect you to pay so much more and then make this ultimatum is wrong.
And you're not always going to be ready to go home at 5pm,you might do overtime,go shopping,gym,night out etc,would he still pick you up then?
And do you really want your dad picking you up every night anyway?
Stick with your original amount.
And reconsider the driving lessons with a sympathetic driving instructor😊🚗

I think he could ask you for fuel money...but not money towards buying a car that's not yours.

It's a bit mean to say he'll never give you a lift again and not in the spirit of being a nice dad.
My dad would never do that.

That isn't nice.

I wouldn't pay him and get the bus. Hopefully then your dad will feel bad for trying to get his own child to pay him for lifts.