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Original poster

Daft Tinder question

16 replies

Sadik · 13/11/2017 17:40

This is probably a silly question (given that the aim is to meet someone!) but do you worry about 'outing' yourself on Tinder when messaging people. (As in who you are / where you live.)
Circs are that if I'm asked what I do its quite hard to answer without it being obvious - I run a small business which is the only one of its type in the area.

I guess it's not really a big deal - I'm messaging a guy at the moment and for sure I could find out that info about him with a couple of phonecalls from things he's told me - but I'm still weirdly twitchy about it.

(Only person I've dated since splitting up with ex-H was friend of a friend & went to school with lots of people I know, so came with 'not-a-nutter' references even though I'd not met him before . . .)

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Original poster
Sadik · 13/11/2017 19:43

Anyone?

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TheCowWentMoo · 13/11/2017 19:46

But surely the point is to out yourself? I wouldnt normally give my address but have no problem saying my job etc. The aim is to get to know them so you can't really do that without them knowing who you are?

Original poster
Sadik · 13/11/2017 19:50

I suppose that's what I feel funny about - them knowing where I live. I realise it is silly though given all my customers obviously know! I think I just find the whole thing a bit wierd . . .

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DianaT1969 · 13/11/2017 19:56

I wouldn't tell him a location-specific job until after you've met. You can be vague and say "I'm a beautician/shop owner/accountant in the next big town". After you've met you can say more if you want to.

Original poster
Sadik · 13/11/2017 20:19

I've sort of fudged it for the moment - though tbh I guess if he was interested enough to ask around he could figure out who I am. (I live in a very rural area so we're bound to know people in common.)

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frillysocks88 · 13/11/2017 20:58

Does tinder not show how many KM you are away anyway?

Original poster
Sadik · 13/11/2017 21:03

Yes, but that's rather less specific...

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PeacesofAte · 13/11/2017 21:04

I had the same problem, and found it difficult too, so fudged it for as long as it took to feel comfortable with outing myself. Top tip - I did paid-for Tinder, as I’m so rural there are very few people locally on Tinder that I didn’t already know, so I could show as being based wherever I chose and where I knew I’d be happy to travel to for dates.

ravenmum · 13/11/2017 21:10

I'm also pretty easy to find if you know my job and nationality, and also did not want the random dick pic guys knowing where I lived. It's different when you have a professional relationship with people, as they don't know if you are living with a big muscly husband, and are hopefully thinking about you as a professional, not as a potential partner. Just kept the chit-chat vague and moved on to a meeting pretty swiftly.

Original poster
Sadik · 13/11/2017 21:34

Yeah, that's very much it. Mind you, I have a distinct twitchy feeling the guy I'm chatting too right now is more likely to send me remote Reiki healing than dick pics (better, but not a lot).

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Original poster
Sadik · 13/11/2017 22:37

How far are you willing to travel PeacesofAte? I've currently set the limit at around 25 miles - very much within the distance whereby I'm likely to have common connections with people.

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PeacesofAte · 14/11/2017 02:34

I’ve met someone now - he was in London and I’m up north 😂
I do travel a lot for work though, so was there a bit anyway.
I didn’t mind travelling further for the right person, and was quite looking forward to some fun weekends away dating too - but I met DP on my second ever Tinder date!

MistressDeeCee · 14/11/2017 03:19

Doesn't Tinder match you up with possible love interests using location + FB? That being the case, you will likely be given suggestions re someone you know anyway. & if they are being suggested to you then no doubt you are being suggested to them ie, you will see each other's photos as a potential match. & will either be FB friends or, have mutual FB friends. Tinder isn't that private, especially if you set your required match distance to say within 20 miles. I know a friend whose brother came up as a potential, another whose cousin came up. Neither knew the other was on Tinder. But they do now.

MonaChopsis · 14/11/2017 07:00

I'm not on Tinder at the moment, but when I was I fudged details... For instance, if you Google my first name and my (small, rural) village, you learn far far to much about me. So, I told guys I lived near another small village about 2 miles away. Not technically untrue! And then they couldn't Google me quite so easily.

So do a bit of digging on yourself, and figure out what you can fudge to muddy the water just slightly.

Original poster
Sadik · 14/11/2017 08:40

I don't mind at all seeing / been seen by people I know MistressDeeCee or having common connections. I'm much more twitchy about someone I don't know at all / have no common FB friends with if that makes sense.

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Original poster
Sadik · 14/11/2017 08:41

And congratulations on your Tinder success Pieces!

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