Stuck in the middle! Partner and my adult children

[Returnfromdublin]

My (young) adult children live at home and my partner (not their dad) is getting frustrated with the lack of chores they do around the house; stuff left around, not clearing up the kitchen etc.I feel stuck in the middle. Any suggestions from anyone who has been there as to how to deal with things?

I don’t blame your DP, I would be fed up too. Your children are more than capable and old enough to tidy up after themselves, why don’t they? I appreciate they probably don’t want to but who does? They need to learn how to be fully capable adults and that includes taking care of yourself/household chores. They are showing no respect for you, your DP and your home by treating it as a hotel. They are probably still mired in child mode but now is the time for a family chat about how they are now adults and need to behave like one.

Currently in the same boat. Family meeting to agree suitable chores, and suitable allowance to reflect the input to the running of our busy home!!
They know I work hard and if they want to reap rewards they need to contribute in the form of manual labour!!
Dc choose a room every few weeks and that is their responsibility to keep tidy.
Bathroom =keep bin empty, toiletries tidied away, towels folded.
Loo =mats tidy, always loo roll, blind up /down .
Kitchen =dishes washed /put away, table wiped, floor hoovered.
Kids sitting room =toys away.
Adults sitting room =toys away.
Dh has his chores and I have mine!!

I think I need to have a family meeting. I agree that they need to behave in an adult manner and clear up after themselves but I don’t want it to turn into WW3 in the process.

At the moment I seem to be doing everything and DP is doing moaning!

How long has your dp lived with you?

Why are you dong everything ? They are adults they need to pull there weight. Tbh I’d be fed up too

At the moment I seem to be doing everything and DP is doing moaning!

Agree family meeting to agree the way forward. Suggest this also includes a share of chores for DP, so he is 'helping' rather than 'moaning'.

I have this except my DP is their dad and it’s me who is moaning while their DF runs around after them. He will not see that it is not doing them any favours to cosset them. He says they have a lifetime of chores ahead, why make them start now. And that they have enough stresses in their lives (they have the usual 20 year old anxieties but are also in peculiarly stressful situations).

He says how hard is it for him to eg do the laundry? Why not?

He says they can never use the house like a hotel as it is their home and always will be

I say he is wrong. And I look like a mean horrible mum who doesn’t look after them.

Bloody nightmare and I wish they could live away from home. Good luck OP

Why is it that so many DHs and DPs complain about (or complain against) adult children not doing chores, yet never step in to do them themselves? Do they think women have special 'housework' genes? I was brought up to believe that ALL members of the household did chores. Pocket money was contingent on doing them.

If they live at home, they should help out. Even if they are working, but especially if they aren't. It isn't just your job to look after them. It's also your job to help prepare them for life (or they'll never leave!).