Although dh and I have been together for 18 years, I wonder if I am a bad wife to him. He says I never back him up with the children (never? surely hyperbolic!) but when he is being unreasonable I don't think it's appropriate for me to do so.
Today we had a huge argument because I "took sides" with ds, who has HF ASD, and was upset with the noises his sisters were making. Dh basically told ds to deal with it, instead of giving constructive ways to help solve the problem, or at least be consistent with house rules (if someone is irritating someone else, that person needs to go elsewhere or stop - seems simple enough).
We hardly ever fight, but we don't talk through our problems, either. It all just gets swept under the rug and ignored.
My parents split when I was 12. My father was abusive. I don't know how to deal with arguments in a constructive way. I don't know how to communicate. It feels ridiculous to say that after being in a relationship for so long! But this has become a huge elephant in the room and I don't know how to change things. I feel like dh and I are in a rut and need new tools.