Venting about my mil

[Worldsworstcook]

My mil is a devil straight from hell and I joke not. She's 94 and the only thing that keeps my DH in contact her is guilt. And even then it's me who talks to her. If he says something she doesn't agree with she makes electric shock sounds and screwy motions at her temple because he has MH problems.

Dr Phil once said if someone makes you feel worse about yourself and has the power to make you think negatively cut them out of your life .... and you know since we have reduced our contact life has got better.

His memories of her have all been bad, abuse phys&mental, threatening to put them into care in a daily basis. And the worst ... idolising one son and despising the other 2, my DH and other bro, to the point she would say she would rather DH got cancer and died if it came to choosing between him and her golden child son.

She contacts us when she has a problem, we solve it and never hear from her again. It sounds dreadful and because we are anonymous ican say we long for her death. Isn't that horrid? Everyone she needs she charms, people say she's lovely and when they leave she rips them to shreds. I'm a calm tolerant person but to me, who likes everyone because everyone is nice if you look hard enough, she's the devil incarnate! Lovely people die before their time and this demon goes on ... and on .... and on

My advice is to go completely nc. Even if she is old and needs help, you don't have to put up with this. She sounds an awful person, cut contact altogether in my opinion. Help dh to get rid of the guilt (may need counselling) and get on with your lives without the nastiness. I had to cut my toxic parents off 20 years ago, it's not easy but it can be done. Sounds bad, but I love my life without them and it means my dc haven't been affected by them like I was.

She sounds awful. Just because people get older they don't turn into sweet little old ladies if they've always been horrible, so don't feel guilty because of her age. Keep reducing the contact and if she wants something say "Get (golden child) to do it." Go NC or minimal contact and let the old witch reap what she's sowed.

I agree with Darkly. Her age has nothing to do with it - she's always been toxic. She will always BE toxic. Don't let her advancing age guilt you into thinking you have to answer her needs.

I'd go NC or absolute minimal contact and love the suggestion that when she asks for help tell her to get Golden Boy to do it.

Thank you all for your kind understanding. I dare not utter these thoughts outside our home. I sometimes try to play devils advocate - she's old, maybe she's mentally ill but it's all bollocks and I don't know why I bother - she's just plain evil and really should never have had kids. FiL always said she had tricked him and he he lost his whole family over her till death. This is sounds more dreadful. She was taken to hospital recently with jaundice and the consultant thought she had pancreatic cancer and told us he would do tests. Turned out to be gallstones. My DH cried and the Dr thought it was with relief but he was actually gutted because she only needed small op to remove them. For two days she showed traces of vulnerability and humility ... then a sentence containing the words gallstones and the evil hag blossomed before our eyes. I have a plan in my head to go to her grave when she goes and tell her everything I think of her, no holds barred. In my darkest moments - when she's at her worst - I think I'd whisper them in her ear as she dies. I feel twisted but when it comes to her I feel irrational .... and I'm not that person!

I think you need to step away completely and would suggest that your DH could do with some counselling.

She'll be dead soon enough. In the meantime if your DH really feels obliged and can't go no contact then read up on grey rock. At least he can protect himself a bit.

I can empathise with you. For me, the problem with having people like this in our lives is what they do to OUR minds. The negative feelings can really take hold of us if we're not careful, which isn't at all conducive to living a happy, healthy life. I would encourage you to try to stay calm and focus on maintaining a harmonious life - for yourself. Don't let her make you hateful like her.

Yup soon be dead, this too shall pass

You are all fabulous. They say sharing is cathartic. I can now testify so is ranting - thank you all for your kind words and support!