New guy always late!

[teaandcakeat8]

I'm dating a new guy and it's going well; we see each other quite a bit (every other day or so) - going out for dinner, to the pub, etc.

However I've noticed that he is bad at timekeeping.

He'll often text me an hour or so before we are due to meet and ask to meet later - e.g. 8.30 instead of 8.

He works long hours and has a very responsible job so I understand he can get stuck at work. He also splits his time between two cities so at the weekends can be late due to public transport. He is very apologetic, always lets me know as far in advance as possible and keeps me up to date with progress. But I guess I feel like I'm spending time hanging around waiting for him! It's usually no more than 30 mins late but I'm a very punctual person.

Other than this he is attentive, lovely and I like him a lot.

I guess I want perspective on if I am being a mug, or if this is ok?

I think if there's genuine hold ups and he is contacting you eith enough notice then thats a lot better thsn just not turning up for ages and leaving you hanging. Are you in the right place to have a conversation about this. It doesn't need to be you having a go, or issuing ultimatum, just highlighting that this has happened a lot and could he make a real effort to only make plans he can confidently keep

Well so far it has been four times; twice were train delays (true, I checked) and twice stuck at work. Obviously I don't know if this is genuine but he has let me know well in advance.

Hope you are never reliant on trains and have a job where they expect you to stay late

You checked the trains so know he wasn't lying...what exactly is the issue?

This is not a red flag

My husband is late for absolutely everything in the world. He’s amazing though, so I guess you need to decide if your new man might be worth it or not

Four times out of eleven or twelve?

A couple of times I have literally met him off the train though.

Also we do see each other a lot - so a lot of the 'dates' are more casual e.g. Coming to my house for a bottle of wine. When we have gone out for dinner he's always showed up on time.

Normally I'm intolerant of bad time-keeping, but of the 4 times it's happened, twice he's been caught up at work (can happen in a lot of jobs) and twice was a public transport issue (not under his control unless he's already cutting it fine). As he keeps you informed of progress I'd see how things progress in the next few weeks. That's not to say you should suck it up, it would irritate me too, but that I'm not convinced he's necessarily a flake.

Perhaps it's my issue - the two times I've met him from the train I'm counting him being late but I guess it's not really - he has had a prebooked ticked with an eta and then the train has been delayed, which I know is true as I was at the station.

you could try always suggesting a later time (say, 30min) when the trains are involved - he could wait for you then if he's early. OTOH when it's work you could wait - so it's a compromise.
I'm often late, I really don't think it's 'lazy' as someone said, some people are better calculating times than others plus in a big city it's near impossible to include all eventualities, and I always believe that I will have enough time with 10-15min to spare. NOt always possible to haev a longer leeway either.

But I would also say that for those who are absolutely intolerant of lateness, choose a partner who is similar! I'm often late but I'm also tolerant and usually happy to wait (if there is a cafe/shops nearby - not standing in the street in bad weather!)

There are two types of people. If it effects you & your feelings, tell him

I am almost always on time / early when I'm meeting my boyfriend for the theatre, or other timed activity, like joining his family at home for dinner.

I am frequently 15 mins "late" when there is no fixed time event. I say "late" because on those occasions I will say "about 20:00, could well be after". I have a job that means I can't guarantee to leave - though it's usually OK.

I don't see an issue with this guys.
2x are trains - they're just shit.
2x work - you need to be realistic.
8x no issue - so he isn't one of these people who just can't ever be on time.

I hate it too. I did get turned off a man I was dating when he turned up an hour and a half late once. I had been paying a babysitter for that hour and a half. And while I sat there waiting for him, I just got turned off. By the time he showed up, we went out, but for me, I knew we were done. Another guy, as a gentle gentle hint, I sent him this and it worked, he wasn't late again. Lateness is not a trait I find endearing.

2x are trains - they're just shit.
2x work - you need to be realistic.
8x no issue - so he isn't one of these people who just can't ever be on time.

From your title I was expecting much worse.
This is an acceptable level and reason for lateness IMO.

But if it's not acceptable to you, you are allowed to stop seeing him for any reason you like. YOu don't need a "good" reason.

Ex H is an appalling timekeeper. Just can't ever be on time. It should have been genetically bred out his grandfather was killed slipping under a train as he was late and ran for it.... But no. I regard it as a sort of selfishness and it does my head in, he says he will return the kids at tea time and that can be anything between 4 and 7pm, kids always late for activities with him and have learnt to lie to him about start times so he's not too late. Maddening and disregard for others. Your bloke sounds like he's had good reasons though. I once dated a human alarm clock who would say "you are 3 mins late" when I'd travelled across London on the tube.and was always exactly on time....reliant on the tube I just don't know how he did it
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