Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Flirting then unkind

29 replies

Badmoms · 31/10/2017 14:32

A man I see occasionally through work has been flirting with me for the last few months.
This morning we bumped into each other in the canteen and he was unkind to me, basically telling me I’m not as attractive as another of our colleagues. Why would he say that? 😕

OP posts:
Doubletrouble42 · 31/10/2017 14:34

Because he's a shithead. Move on x

Sn0tnose · 31/10/2017 15:17

Somebody that spiteful is not someone you want to get involved with. Mark it down to him being a massive dickhead and move on. If he tries to flirt with you again, shut him down immediately.

Even if he was trying to 'treat you mean to keep you keen' (which is an appalling way for one adult to treat another) why would you want to get to know someone who is so emotionally stunted that he can't just, you know, be nice?

SandyY2K · 31/10/2017 15:21

Is he of sound mind? He sounds like an idiot.

AdoraBell · 31/10/2017 15:23

What the others have said. It's nothing about you, he is just being an arsehole.

InternetHoopJumper · 31/10/2017 15:39

Really inappropriate for a coworker to even comment on the attractiveness of another coworker, especially in a negative way. Warn him that comments on your appearance are unwanted and that if he does it again you'll have a word with HR.

lollipop7 · 31/10/2017 15:42

Because he’s a total dick.

Behaviour like this is really disturbing if he’s older than six. Sounds do like he needs a sweet cup of tea and a psychiatric assessment to me.

XJerseyGirlX · 31/10/2017 15:46

OOh i had one of these. A guy once flirted with me, I had a bf at the time and was very polite when saying so. Straight away he started commenting on how awfully skinny i was and he thinks "real woman" are a size 12 and over. Strange backtrack !! Ignore him.

schoolgaterebel · 31/10/2017 16:12

It's called 'negging'

Trying by to bring you down so you are less confident and therefore more vulnerable to his advances. It's a common thing, done by arseholes (once you start recognising it, you realise how desperate and pathetic it is)

NC4now · 31/10/2017 16:18

Sounds like you dodged a bullet with that one.

monkeywithacowface · 31/10/2017 16:20

Agree it sounds like "negging"

He's a massive twat that needs a wide berth.

beesandknees · 31/10/2017 16:21

Yes this is negging.

Stay far away from him

TheNaze73 · 31/10/2017 16:26

I think negging too. Can’t believe people fall this old chestnut.

He’s an arsehole, move on

Biddylee · 31/10/2017 16:40

Sounds horrible. Ignore him.

Blanchitsu · 31/10/2017 16:51

Is he 15?!

What an arsehole. Whatever his reasons, as someone said it is inappropriate for a co-worker to comment on your appearance in this way.

I remember in high school and beyond, men being mean to me and a friend saying it's because they fancied me. But in the end I married the guy who was, you know, just straight up nice to me from the get go. Would say I looked lovely and want to be with me and compliment me.

I'd tell this guy to his face that he's a dick then ignore him.

whothefuckhas5children · 31/10/2017 16:53

Nagging.
DO NOT FLIRT with him.

DO NOT ENGAFE with him again.

He's knocking you down to make it easier to pick you up. He'll continue the cycle while your confidence is eroded.

whothefuckhas5children · 31/10/2017 16:53

*negging stupid autocorrect!

LesisMiserable · 31/10/2017 17:26

My 15 yo DD is experiencing this atm with a 17 yo. Sounds like this guy hasn't grown out of his teens mentally yet

Lily2007 · 31/10/2017 18:32

I've had a man turned nasty after I told him off for his flirting as he was married with a pregnant (and glamourous) wife with a planned baby. Seemed to think I was obliged to have a relationship with him. Wife totally obviously, online saying how wonderful he was but didn't have the heart to tell a pregnant woman. He did swear to me he would stop his behaviour but I'm not naive. If you've rejected him that could be why. Best avoided.

Ohdearducks · 31/10/2017 18:35

Yup he’s negging you, pathetic little saddo can’t get someone to date him on his own merit so has to resort to nasty mind games to manipulate women.
Bin the fucker off he’s got no respect for women.

WhiteDog · 31/10/2017 18:35

So do men who neg do it on purpose or does it come naturally?

beesandknees · 31/10/2017 19:34

So do men who neg do it on purpose or does it come naturally?

Well, does it matter? It's a red flag regardless of whether it's intentional.

I'm sure it comes naturally to some, but there are also so-called "pickup artist" manuals out there that teach negging as a pickup technique.

It's basically a way to pick out the most vulnerable, damaged women and encourage them to seek approval from the man who's doing the negging. In this way, the pickup artist hooks the woman in and eventually can manipulate her into sexual favours as she tries to prove to him that she is worthy of his positive attention

It's pretty sick stuff

IfyouseeRitaMoreno · 31/10/2017 19:37

I saw the title and automatically thought “negging”.

Either that or he’s realised that things aren’t going anywhere with you and got nasty in rejection.

IfyouseeRitaMoreno · 31/10/2017 19:38

In this way, the pickup artist hooks the woman in and eventually can manipulate her into sexual favours as she tries to prove to him that she is worthy of his positive attention

And they say women are the manipulators!

Guiltybystander · 31/10/2017 19:42

Ignore this asswipe from now on.

VaselineHero · 31/10/2017 19:55

I’ve been negged and fallen for it too following the end of another relationship. I guess I was pretty vulnerable and he could sense it.

Stay away - god it was the worst period of my life. Endless mind games played by a totally inadequate man. I still have to see mine at work after finally extracting myself and he genuinely thinks HE’S the victim! I can’t understand how his mind works at all Halloween Confused

Swipe left for the next trending thread