really struggling

[sad9999]

Have told controlling dh who I think has had an affair I want a divorce. He is away for a month and I have asked him not to contact me. Why am I struggling and desperate for him to contact me.

Bless you... Probably Because you're up late, tired and weak at this moment in time.

Get sleep, rethink tomorrow - get strong!

I am a mess. He is very controlling and not easy to live with. I was so happy the day he left. So after an email argument I told him all contact would be through solicitors.

Mess yes. Strong you can be.

What control does he have on you? Emotional? Financial? House?

Probably all 3

Well you're only mission and decision is how to become independent on the house and financial situation Asap.

Then decide if you still need that fucker emotionally. Doubt it! Get strong, get doing. You have your own destiny in your hands.

Thank you

Feel better after some sleep but still very lost

You CAN do this. Write down the things you find difficult to live with in regards to you OH, then next to each comment write how it makes you feel, and then write how you will feel when without. Hope that makes sense. It will put your mind at ease when taking major decisions. Massive hug.

I rewatched a recording I made of him talking to me or rather at me it helped

I used to record my ex husband berating me and being a grade a cunt and listen to them in moments of weakness.

It really helps!

Do you work?
Can you be financially independent from him?
Keep yourself busy.
Look at solicitors in your local area. Womens Aid can help locate good ones that deal with abusers.
If you don't have your own bank account then get to a local branch and open one.
Contact CAB and find out where you will stand when you separate.
Is the house in joint names?
Get a few estate agents round to value it if you own.
If you don't then get looking at rentals where you have a support network (if you have one).
Talk to family and friends and tell them of your decision.
It will help make it real and they can help you emotionally through your separation.
Get practical to keep your mind off of things.
You have a while to get yourself sorted out if he's away for a month.
You could move your things into storage until you find somewhere?
Could you move in with family or friends until you are on your feet?
Lots of things to think about so get writing a list.
And write down all his faults.
How he is controlling. How that makes your feel etc....
If you need professional support then speak to Womens Aid.

Lots of useful advise. Need some energy and confidence. Do work money won't be an issue but he will be

He claims he doesn't want a divorce we can work on it. Not sure I have the energy

Watch that video again, OP, get some rest and when you're feeling a bit stronger read what @hellsbellsmelons said and make some plans to get out!

How very dare he wear you down to this! When you say you think he's had an affair, what do you mean? How long have you been feeling like this?

*like this!

Join us in the NC (no contact) thread on here. We're all in different situations but there for the same reason, to stop ourselves contacting toxic guys...so we can help you keep from messaging him. Hugs xx

It gets better I promise. Best thing I ever did was leave an ex that sounds just like yours. Didn't realise how strong I was until I needed to do it. It was fucking hard and I felt shameful and I've never been as low as I was at that moment but here I am. Get out and don't look back. Good luck xx

Thank you. He bought a work colleague a necklace and I have seen lots of emails to her. Chatty ones to his special friend

It doesn't matter what HE wants.
He makes you feel like crap.
You know it's not right.
He's cheating.
Take your time.
Do what YOU want get out if that's what you need to do.