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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Advice needed.... he has lied to me

4 replies

springduck · 15/10/2017 22:49

I have been with DP for just over a year and he is the most kind, gentle, genuine and honest man I have ever met. Our relationship is great and we have almost no problems. He is 20 years older than me (I am 21 and he is 41.)

He has a female friend who has had a rough time with various medical problems and family issues and early on he told me that he has lent her money in the past and that she had asked for more lately. He assured me that there is nothing going on between them and I believe him. He knows their friendship makes me uncomfortable but I understand he feels he has a duty of care to her.

I recently asked him if he was still lending her money. He said he wasn't. But I also looked on his phone and saw that he had been lending her money. The messages are innocent other than this. He openly talks about his relationship with me to her and there is nothing untoward going on in any other respcet.

However I am extremely unhappy he's lending her money and also that he lied to me about it. I know I had no business looking at his phone but my gut was telling me something wasn't right and it was correct.

How can I deal with the fact that he has openly lied to me about this? Should I confront him? Or should I just accept it for now as his business?

OP posts:

Josuk · 15/10/2017 23:22

You are dating him. And I presume you are not living together, and have a joint household. And that it’s his own money he is lending.

None of your business, really. The fact that this sort of thing is making you insecure is something that’s more worrying. Why is that?

NotTheFordType · 15/10/2017 23:24

You're 21 and he's 41? He's probably got multiple girls on the hook.

If you're looking for a LTR with marriage, kids etc then look elsewhere.

bastardkitty · 15/10/2017 23:27

How much money? Every month? Does she have a child?

AndTheBandPlayedOn · 16/10/2017 02:31

He is investing, quite literally, in another woman. I would imagine their relationship was more involved than what he is telling you. It is a bit crowded in your relationship.

You found out he lied. Now you know he is a liar. What other lies has he told, is what I'd be wondering. At this point you don't need the answers or proof. The trust is gone. Call time and move on, imho.

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