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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What's the hardest part about being single for you? Mine is.....

29 replies

cupcakesmakeyouhappy · 09/10/2017 08:12

.....this morning for example. Starting a new placement and feeling nervous, anxious, hoping everyone will be lovely. With nobody to express that to or anyone to say....good luck, you will be great. Not feeling sorry for myself (only a little) just times like this make you feel REALLY single. It's ok I have wished myself luck haha!
Interested to see what you lovely people miss or what you find hard, being alone?

OP posts:
CharlotteBilberry · 09/10/2017 08:16

Oh, good luck!

I don't like coming home to my empty flat.

ShatnersWig · 09/10/2017 08:31

Rarely speaking to or seeing anyone on a weekend with perhaps the exception of the evening because although I have loads of friends they all have families and children and so spend their time together.

CharlotteBilberry · 09/10/2017 08:44

It can be so hard, and if you try to speak to anyone about it, they always suggest ways to make friends. Which is well and good, but few friends are available at the weekend.

Beerwench · 09/10/2017 09:57

I'm feeling it more keenly now my dd is older and having more of a social life on her own or in fact a better one than me.
I have been single whilst bringing her up apart from one 2 year utter disaster, when she was older.
I find coming back to an empty place, or having a free day and all my friends doing family things, which I don't want to gatecrash, so it's a choice of don't do anything or do it alone, that's hard.
And having someone to just take the load off now and again, everything hinges on me and sometimes that gets to me. But the positive side of that is it's all done my way with no comprises.
Another thing I find extremely irritating is there are some out there who view long term single women with suspicion and assume because I'm single I'm some kind of sex crazed harlot who can't be trusted. Thankfully as I get older and fatter this is becoming less of an issue.......Grin

Good luck with your placement! Flowers

missludgatecircus · 09/10/2017 11:59

I was single for years and one thing I found really helpful Re coming home to an empty dark flat was to put a lamp on a timer!

It somehow made a huge difference to open my flat door and have a light already on and looking cosy rather than lonely and dark.

Worth the £4 cost!

beachcomber243 · 09/10/2017 12:04

When I am ill, really feeling unwell. Would love someone to make me a drink, do some shopping and cook a meal. Thankfully if happens very rarely.

The rest of the time it's brilliant.

BubblingUp · 09/10/2017 12:13

Having someone to drive me home from a colonoscopy.

NameChangedAndForgotOldName · 09/10/2017 12:20

When Its hard (2 of my 4 kids have Sen) and I need a proper hug

Worriedrose · 09/10/2017 12:20

I'm really ill today and have been working like a maniac
I would love someone to cook me a nice supper and bring me a hot water bottle 😢

But I have also stayed in a very unhappy relationship and I might have got those things but I was very fucking lonely in other ways

madcatwoman61 · 09/10/2017 12:21

Having to ask for help with things I can’t lift on my own.

MidLifeCrisis2017 · 09/10/2017 12:34

Lol BubblingUp, that was one of mine!

Changing the quilt cover.
Simon Mayo on Friday evenings with everyone phoning in about the exciting stuff they're doing - I have neither a partner nor family nearby and Friday night sucks. Rest of the time I'm fine.

Graphista · 09/10/2017 12:51

Beerwench same- dd 16 nearly 17 and I barely see her - which is kinda as it should be, we still have days out together etc but it's not the same.

Want someone to share stuff with, do things with - and Sex, good honest know what makes each other tick sex! Grin

M4Dad · 09/10/2017 12:53

I don't like waking up to any empty house. I'm fine and comfortable at night as I enjoy my own company but for some reason feel a bit lonely in the morning.

stevie69 · 09/10/2017 12:57

To be honest, I find it all around amazing and I can't think of anything that's hard.

I guess that I'm just not wife/girlfriend material Blush

jeaux90 · 09/10/2017 13:29

Single mum here I think the only thing hard sometimes is the pressure financially, it all comes down to me with nothing from my dd's father. Other things like a cancer scare was hard but I could have asked a sister or close friend to come with me etc but I chose not to for some reason.

Isetan · 09/10/2017 13:34

I love being single, I love being a single parent even more. God, the compromises I made in a relationship were just not worth the ‘rewards’. I like the idea of a relationship more than I would the reality and for the foreseeable future, I’m not prepared to compromise to accommodate another person or upset the dynamic I have with my child. I missed singlehood more than I do coupledom.

I’ve never bought into the notion that being single is less than. If being single isn’t your bag, that’s ok but don’t squander the amazing opportunities than being single affords you (investing and understanding yourself without distraction).

Graphista · 09/10/2017 15:05

There are pros to being single yes but comparing being single to a bad relationship is different to comparing a good relationship to being single.

I see friends in good relationships and I want that for myself

CharlotteBilberry · 09/10/2017 16:15

I do sometimes find that frustrating as well, Graphista - it isn't as if someone would rock up on a relationships thread about a selfish or lazy or abusive husband and sternly remind the OP that some people are single and lonely, but someone unfailingly has to do it on 'single' threads!

Original poster
cupcakesmakeyouhappy · 09/10/2017 18:51

Thanks to those who wished me luck 😊
I have dd's so I guess, I don't know what coming home to an empty place feels like but imagine it can be lonely. I sometimes feel this way when dd's are in bed. I often go up to bed at the same time.
Weekends are the hardest when everyone seems busy. My weekends are spent with my dd's as their dad doesn't parent! I miss day company sometimes.
Oh yes, being ill is hard isn't it?! Worriedrose hope you feel better soon!
jeaux90 I can relate to this. Hope you are well. We bottle things up when it comes to our health but really we shouldn't as we need that support sometimes. I always thing I never speak about things like that as I have always only ever had myself to rely on, so no point.
It's nice to have MN in my life. I have posted a couple of times recently and I really appreciate this site for not feeling so lonely.
It's nice to read some good points about being single too. Shouldn't forget them :)

OP posts:
Batulay · 09/10/2017 18:56

Beerwench I so agree with your last paragraph, I've been single for 10 years and on the few occasions I was talking to a guy, the moment I tell then how long I've been single they just find their way out. Like why is it so inconceivable that a woman can have self control in that sense?! Urgh so annoying

Fanciedachange17 · 09/10/2017 19:22

I'm with Isetan and Stevie in loving being single and not believing the sacrificies within a relationship are worth it. And I so love not being pawed at or groped. Or lied too. Bliss.

I love the freedom to make my own choices.

ASqueakingInTheShrubbery · 09/10/2017 19:28

On the whole I loved being single, and in many ways much preferred it to being married, but I did miss having someone to share trivial things with - Morris dancers in town, seeing a squirrel close up, the sort of incidental things that aren't important to text a friend about, but would have been enhanced if they'd been shared. Coming home to an empty house and waking up alone were two of the best things for me, as was doing something I was nervous about without having to cope with anyone else being around.

underthebluemoon · 09/10/2017 19:29

no sex where can I get a FWB?

Shayelle · 09/10/2017 20:39

There is literally not much I dont like about being single I have to say. Sorry Grin

happypoobum · 09/10/2017 22:31

I agree with Isetan

The only things I miss are having someone to do things I don't want to do, like go to the tip or mow the lawn.

And the financial pressure - but then I don't have to worry about some fuckwit spending money willy nilly out of a joint account. I cannot see myself in a relationship again, I am just way too happy being single and do not want to compromise.

The idea of having to meet and get along with someone elses extended family is just awful. I don't know how people do it over and over again.