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Relationships

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Original poster

Can a relationship work with a 10 age difference?

36 replies

missevelina · 08/10/2017 15:52

I started spendig time with a man 10 years younger than me about 6 months ago. I'd been single for 5 years after ending an abusive relationship and he was only recently single after a 3.5 year relationship.

What started as a bit of fun for both of us has very quickly turned into something serious. I have completely fallen for him and him for me. It really is the most perfect relationship I have ever had and neither of us were expecting to feel like this.

The only thing that niggles in my mind is the age difference. I am 35, he is 25.

Do relationships like this ever work?

OP posts:

Aminuts23 · 08/10/2017 15:55

I don’t see why not. But it will depend on whether you’re at the same life stages and have the same goals etc. Go for it

Annelind · 08/10/2017 15:55

I would say that at your respective ages a relationship has as much chance as any with both parties the same age. Good luck!

79andnotout · 08/10/2017 16:04

depends if you want kids! Have that discussion asap.

TheNaze73 · 08/10/2017 16:05

I think as long as you have the same life goals, all could be good in the hood.
I’m male & at 25 babies, marriage & all that was the last thing on my mind, so if you can get over that hurdle it really could work.

Original poster

missevelina · 08/10/2017 16:11

Thank you for the replies.

We've had the marriage/babies talk...both of us feel that marriage is something that we could want in the future, but it isn't a priority to either of us.

As for babies, neither of us feel like we want to be parents. I have known for a long time that I didn't want children. My worry is that although he doesn't want them now, he is still young and could change his mind.

I'm overthinking things, aren't I...

OP posts:

Mrsfluff · 08/10/2017 16:13

I hope it can!! My boyfriend is 8.5 years younger than me and we've been together a year. We get on brilliantly and are a real team, we are incredibly happy. We had the children chat very early on, as I don't plan on having any more. He says he doesn't mind. Could that change? Yes, but I'm not going to plan my life in what ifs. Good luck OP.

Annelind · 08/10/2017 16:18

My advice is to enjoy what you have! any relationship can end at any time, regardless of age. If it lasts 20 years or 2, it is a complete relationship! revel in your current happiness together!

MyBrilliantDisguise · 08/10/2017 16:21

I suppose it depends on the guy. My son is 25 and is just starting off in his career. I know his plan is to work abroad and to have children in quite a few years' time. I think the time constraints on a woman of 35 are quite significant. It's quite usual for a guy of 25 not to want children; that's not to say he won't want them when he's older.

Ttbb · 08/10/2017 16:25

I would be worried about him changing his mind, most men do.

surferjet · 08/10/2017 16:27

I’m sorry op, but I can’t see it lasting. He’s way too young.
If he was 45 & you were 55 then it would stand a chance, but not at the ages you are now. He’s just starting out & you’re coming to the end ( in terms of fertility )

Just enjoy it while it lasts.

IHopeYourCakeIsShit · 08/10/2017 16:27

I think much depends on the particular couple.
At 35 you are probably fairly sure about the kids issue although there may be the turning 40 biological clock thing, who knows?
At 25 I would imagine most blokes don't think about having children.
I think you just have to go with what is right at the time, My first dh was 20 years older and the marriage failed because he thought I 'was young enough to mould into the perfect woman' (big mistake) my now dh is 8 years younger and we have been together for 20 years.
Do what makes you happy.

HoneyWheeler · 08/10/2017 16:27

There’s 10 years between my husband and I - very happily married and we rarely think of the age gap!

Heratnumber7 · 08/10/2017 16:30

My parents had a 10 year age gap. They were married for 50 years.

The younger partner in such a relationship is likely to be a widow/er for quite a long time though.

dertyyuoih2 · 08/10/2017 16:34

There’s 8.5years between us, I am younger though. I was 21 one my met my DH and he was just 30. He had already been married and had one child. I’ve alwsys wanted marriage and children and I was quite upfront about this when I met him as I knew our priorities could be different.
He had always thought about more
Children but not been bothered either way as his ex was 9 years old than him and she never wanted anymore.
We’ve been together 8 years, married for three and have a 2 year old together.
Age doesn’t matter as long as your priorities are the same and your values are the same!

LoverOfCake · 08/10/2017 16:36

I think it depends what life stages you're at when you get together. Difference between 40/50 is less significant because on the whole you've both lived a decent chunk of life and are generally past the stages where e.g. Children are being considered etc. But the gap between 25/35 is much bigger in essence because while one of you will have lived a large chunk of life the other is potentially just starting out, leaving uni, thinking about careers etc and children are just a distant memory still.

I think that most of us could quite easily state that we were vastly different people at 35 than we were at 25.

Copperkettles · 08/10/2017 16:36

My close friend (of 38) just married her partner aged 28. They've been together 4 years. I have to be honest, I wouldn't swap shoes with her but they are extremely happy and have been loved up since very early on in their relationship. I can see them lasting.

IHeartDodo · 08/10/2017 16:37

Yeah the only issue I see is the children one...
Aged 24/25 my DP didn't want kids (we got together at 21&22 and are now 27&28), we actually broke up for a while for that reason. He then changed his mind and is now really keen to! (talks about where the "little dodos" will play when we find a new house etc).
He even talked about having a vasectomy when he was 23/24 ish, so good thing he didn't.

NewDaddie · 08/10/2017 17:03

Agree with dodo the only potential issue is kids. Life stage is more important than age number and at 25 & 35 you're likely to be far more similar than different. Ime

Cookingongas · 08/10/2017 17:20

10 years between dh and I. We’re into year 14 now, and going strong (though not without challenges)

CoyoteCafe · 08/10/2017 17:27

The younger partner in such a relationship is likely to be a widow/er for quite a long time though.

Not if the younger partner is a man. Quite the opposite.

I think it could work, and the only age related issue is him changing his mind about wanting children. I think that 25 is plenty old enough to know one's mind about it, though. Even though a lot of men that age don't feel any immediate desire to make babies, I think that a well adjusted adult male knows if at some point, some day he wants to be a father, or if he could picture quite a happy life for himself without needing to impregnate someone.

I wish you well. I'm in my 50s and my friends and I are starting to really be able to enjoy our relationships without all the complications of raising children and teens. It's GREAT!

scoobydoo1971 · 08/10/2017 17:44

My husband is 11 years younger than me. I met him at 32, married at 33. Two kids later and I think age-gaps don't matter if you are otherwise on the same page. At 35, you still have a window for kids if you want that. Age is just a number and what other people think of your relationship frankly doesn't matter if you have found someone amazing.

scrabbler3 · 08/10/2017 18:08

10 years isn't much when both parties are over 20ish, especially if you agree re children, and stick to that agreement.

EivissaSenorita · 08/10/2017 18:11

It could. My husband is 10 years older than me. The key thing with relationships is you both wanting the same things out of life. If you have that it can work.

MistressDeeCee · 08/10/2017 18:50

OH is 10 years younger than me. But I'm 54 he's 44 so obviously we're not in 'should we have a baby stage' which possibly makes a difference. But I can't see why relationship shouldn't work, everyone has different tastes, his may be older women

miaows · 08/10/2017 19:10

I am with my partner nearly 3 years. I am 42 he is 30. At the start I took each week as it came never planned too far ahead. Even now I still do that in my head but we do plan now more for the future. He doesn't want children and for now we just enjoy each other and the relationship. No relationship is guaranteed I am out of a 15 year marriage. Go for it - I am happy and in a great relationship and I am glad I did.

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