Is this normal?

[Mumof234]

Hubby and I have been having issues for a while, but I'm now starting to wonder if his behaviour is the root cause.

Is it normal for him to...
*Tell me not feel disappointed
*Be angry when I ask him why he is vaping out the window (when he said he would never smoke in the house)
*criticise my parenting (often in front of the children)
*stands and watches me get the children ready for a day out and then moans when we don't leave at the exact time he wanted
*throws things when annoyed/frustrated
*tells me I don't clean enough, even though our house is pretty clean and tidy (I think he has ocd)
*gets angry for me doing things a certain way (even if it is the same way he has done it)
*is spiteful
*makes snide comments
*calls me names

Some of these happen occasionally, but all of the above have happened in the last 3 weeks.

Am I flogging a dead horse by trying to make it work?

Nope none of those things are normal or ok (apart from maybe vaping as that’s not smoking I guess)
He’s emotionally abusive and controlling and views you as a subordinate.

All of that within 3 weeks?! Not normal or acceptable, you can't carry on like this.

If the love has gone between you, it takes two to try and fix it, it's not up to you to be the only one flogging the horse, dead or otherwise. The throwing things and anger, lack of cooperative parenting etc. sounds like he has no respect for you.

I would clearly state all of the things you have listed (tbh with the exception of the vaping out of the window thing, it's not great, but at least it's not cigarettes and he's making a bit of an effort without having to stand out in the cold) and tell him he sorts it out within say 6 weeks or you will leave him.

If he's interested in fixing things he will have to accept being called out on any bad behaviour and he will have to agree to some couples counselling or risk his family splitting up. Good luck, don't take any more of this shit from him

Of course, that's only if you actually WANT to fix it. I'd be out of there in a shot but the fact that you have to ask sounds like you do still love him in some way. For your own peace of mind drawing a line now and saying "no more" at least gives you a starting point to say "this is your last chance" and you will know you did everything you could to make things work by having some boundaries and being clear about what you expect from a supportive partner, and that any failings are on him.

What might have happened in the last few weeks to make him act like such a dick?

You shouldn't have to put up with that. I know what it's like just to ignore because it's easier in a way but it but it doesn't help long term.

Does he usually help with chores and child care? Men often have to be directly told to do stuff like this (annoyingly!) and (even more annoyingly) praised for doing it. If he's just barking orders at you whilst he's on his arse then something's very wrong.

It seems like it is normal in your relationship but it's not ok to be constantly criticised by him

All of this behaviour is completely normal - for a horrid, abusive relationship. Now you need to decide if this is how you want to live and if this is the example you want to have for your children.

OCD is a miserable anxiety disorder which, contrary to popular belief, doesn't magically turn someone into an arsehole. If he wants it to be cleaner why is he wasting time trying to change how you do it when he could just clean it the way he likes himself (which is more likely what you'd do if you had OCD)?

You can't 'make it work' if this is how he thinks it works, unless you will tolerate being treated like this. Think about what you want vs what you're getting.

Thanks ladies.

He has been acting this way for quite a while now (probably 3 years), this is just 3 week snapshot. We did try counselling 5 months ago which helped for a bit but we only did 6 weeks (due to money) and the issues above were never really addressed because of other problems. He has slipped back into these 'habits' and I'm not sure I can put up with it any longer. He won't discuss our issues without talking over me or telling me that I need to change as I don't do things right (ie his way).
I now need to find the strength to work out the next step. Not easy due to lack of money (and family living miles away), and my daughter has just started and settled at school.

He’s abusive. So counselling won’t work.

Sorry

This is wrong,he is being an abusive bully and may not even recognise it himself..

Firsty, OCD isn't about wanting a clean house.
Secondly, vaping out of window isn't smoking in the house.
Thirdly, why does it matter if other people think its normal or not? If you don't like it, you can walk away.