Kind Acts

[hatty44]

My DH and I have been separated 2 years for a number of reasons. He is really keen to try again, for the sake of the whole family. I feel very unsure and am not making any promises but we seem to get on a lot better now some of the pressures have gone and wonder if he is right we should be trying.
We live separately and I would never change this unless 100% sure.
He suggests we start by doing kind acts for each other every week, something to make the other one's life a little easier. I'm struggling with ideas!! Maybe that says it all!
Any wise mumsnetters have any ideas? I don't have a key for his car or flat so can't get in to do anything there otherwise that would make things a lot easier...

Maybe exchange keys first then?

I don't actually want a key to his place. More looking for ideas I can do remotely.
I may start with booking a massage, he is having trouble sleeping (as am I hence still being awake....) or ordering some of that sleepy pillow spray to be delivered. Acts that make us think of the other person is the idea

Won't it just turn into internet shopping?

What's wrong with a few dates? Tell me to sod off but I'm not really catching the rationale. HE wants to reconcile so HE is insisting on this thing you sound a bit bemused by. Shouldn't he be wooing you if he wants you?

I think that all sounds a bit forced and tbh cheesy. I think spending some time together would be better.

I think it's quite nice. Make him some dinner he can warm up and leave it on his doorstep? All my things like that would tend to be around food because I'm a feeder

He may be very keen but you don't appear to be. Don't forget you seperated for a reason and he's bound to be showing you his best side just now if he's hoping to win you back. You managed to get off the wheel, think very long and very hard before you jump back on again.

hatty44

re your comment:-
"He is really keen to try again, for the sake of the whole family".

Ah that old chestnut; he's very good isn't he?. He's trying to tug at your heartstrings here, it all seems very manipulative from him. He is an ex for very good reasons and needs to stay an ex. Is probably as well fed up with not having anyone to look after him.

You also do not appear to be keen. Infact I would now consider raising your current too low boundaries with him even higher and stick only to e-mail conversations about the children and no other subject.

Such entitled men really do not change; he may well be acting "nice" enough for just long enough to draw you back in. Then he will default to type.

He's keen to start again and thinks you should do kind things for him...

Is he kidding? That's not how it works!

And how is he going to react when you're back together and tue pressures mount again? Because that's life, they will.

Think long and hard about why you split up with him. Don't be guilted into getting back together for your children.

If you're interested in the idea of getting back together the kindest thing you can do for each other is go to couples counselling to find a better way to deal with pressures in future.

Kind acts sounds horribly forced and as a PP said, just tit for tat Amazon orders most of the time.

I'm also bemused that he fucks up your marriage (by the sound of it?) but you should be kind to him

If you're interested then go on a date and go to counselling. The kind acts will follow naturally if the resulting relationship is a good one.

If he is so keen to 'try again' has he actually done anything? What is he proposing to do for you?

What were the problems when you were together and what has changed since then to make you or him think they will not arise again?