Online dating weirdness

[lizzieoak]

I really would like to meet someone. Years on my own and haven't met anyone in real life. So every few years I look online and this happens;

The men look drunk
Some look like women
They're my age but willing to date women up to 10 years younger
They're holding beer in their profile shots (exh an alcoholic so that's very off-putting to me)
They actually are the exh (saw his profile this morning, so can't use that site now - plus why is he on here when he has a gf?!)
They have posted photos of themselves hunting/fishing/camping
They have too many teeth
They look dull as fuck
Have I mentioned a few are dressed as women?

How do those of you who've done this successfully wade through all this?!!

I also feel it makes me a bit vulnerable. If I post a photo then when out and about some random guy will see me and know I'm looking, which feels weird.

The very few who appealed to me were looking for younger women (so not my type after all). The sole man left standing looked a sweetie but don't think we'd have much in common.

I met my DH online. It was definitely his photo who attracted me rather than his profile, which definitely didn't have much in common with mine. I messaged him and we completely hit it off. Sometimes, absolute diamonds aren't very good at selling themselves in 100 words or less.

Having said that, if he'd been wearing a dress and swigging from a bottle of White Lightening, I don't think I would have messaged him!

That's a good point - I'm a diamond and I'm crap at writing profiles! The one man standing was a trifle podgy (I am small), was laughing in all his photos but in a sweet self-deprecating way.

My ex describes himself as a social drinker and kind (he's very verbally abusive) so the lies people tell (themselves too) are off-putting. But that could be said for real life encounters too.

I met my hubby to be online, and it was his pictures I went for, more than what he wrote. He had really lovely eyes...

Anyway, when I was doing the online dating thing (at the ancient age of 33) I had such strict standards even my mum suggested I was setting my sights too high! I had a list, anyone who didn't meet the standard was an instant no. (Tinder made that really easy lol!)

My list included:

no football shirts, no posing at football stadiums
no pictures on 'lads' holidays
no group shots where you couldn't figure out which one was the one you were looking at
no annoying really narrow jaw line facial hair beard thingys. (don't know why, just makes me cringe!)
no 'hilarious' fancy dress or comedy cross dressing
no pictures of him with his wife, especially not on their wedding day
no shirtless pictures, especially all in the gym (i'm really not a gym bunny)
no posing with guns or flashy cars that obviously aren't theirs
no fishing
no posing with z list celebs
no headless torso shots
no one who's profile says 'im married but my wife knows I'm on here'
definitely no one who's profile says 'i'm married and my wife doesn't know i'm on here.' Ugh.
no one who says 'the kids in the picture are my sister's, honest'
no one who says 'i dunno why it says I'm 34, I'm 21 lol'
no one who says 'i'm just looking for a quick hook up'
no one who's profile description is done entirely with emojis.
no one I dated previously
no relatives
no one I've turned down previously

The list went on and on, but basically I was looking for someone kind, genuine, smart, funny, who didn't take themselves too seriously. Anyway lots of people told me I'd set my sights way too high, and I was looking for a mythical creature which didn't exist, but I wasn't bothered, I was happy to stay single rather than go out with someone I knew wouldn't make me happy. And in the end I found my lovely fella, who is really rather wonderful :) So my advice is to keep your standards high, and keep going. They are out there, you just have to really wade through a lot of crap. But when you do find someone lovely, it will have been so worth the effort, and the two of you will be able to laugh about the horrors of internet dating together!

Good luck xx

My ex describes himself as a social drinker and kind (he's very verbally abusive) so the lies people tell (themselves too) are off-putting

I'm yet to meet a genuinely kind person who describes themselves as kind. They just are. It's part of their nature. It's not something they think about. Have you seen the recent thread on red flags? Makes interesting reading if you haven't.

Thanks :) I do have a bit of time free coming up (can't imagine using precious after-work time wading through them) so maybe now is the time to give it a go.

Just not on the site the ex is on!

Yes, I did look at the red flags thread! It was very useful reading.

I think I'm alert to the red flags I've seen before (gets drunk, no friends, bigs himself up - dates one guy who was, like another poster's fella, sad that he somehow wasn't Prime Minister), but worry a bit I'll miss new ones.

I met my now partner online ! His pic grabbed my Attention but once talking he has the sweetest personality kind caring loving

I met my dh online, and shock horror!! I messaged him first!! I found it easy - ignore people who had a profile picture which shew something I didn't like, and look for someone with a 'kind face 'and also an atractive one we hit it of straight away. Our personalities are so simula. He's still my best friend, and I feel so greatful for online dating! To think id never have even met him otherwise!