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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is this normal?

16 replies

Barbaro · 19/08/2017 20:18

For an ex to stay in contact with an ex partners parents and family when they were only together 3 years and the ex cheated on said partner?

I think it's odd and a bit out of order, but maybe I am odd? I could understand after a longer relationship but not after cheating.

OP posts:
RaeSkywalker · 19/08/2017 20:20

Obvious question- does th family know what happened?

SerendipityFelix · 19/08/2017 20:23

Who is this person to you for you to feel you have any right to judge whether it is or isn't 'out of order'?

Completely depends on the individual circumstances, what the people concerned have in common etc. Staying in touch with an ex's family is not abnormal at all if you all got on well when you were together. I was invited to my ex's sister's wedding - because she wanted to invite me, we'd become good friends over the time I was with her brother! Her brother had been a bit of a shit to me - but that didn't impact on the relationship I have with her.

SerendipityFelix · 19/08/2017 20:25

Sorry it's not clear from your OP who cheated on whom

Original poster
Barbaro · 19/08/2017 21:52

Family knows. The ex cheated on the partner. The ex wants to stay in contact with the partners family. It's my boyfriends ex.

It's not a big problem I just find it weird and wondered if anyone else did.

OP posts:
Original poster
Barbaro · 19/08/2017 21:54

To be more specific, I would also find it weird if an ex of mine wanted to remain in contact with my family. Kind of think once the relationship is over then it's just a bit awkward to be around the family.

OP posts:
Nancy91 · 19/08/2017 21:57

I don't think it's that weird really, if her family and him were close during the relationship then I think it would be odd to just stop talking to each other.

Desmondo2016 · 19/08/2017 21:57

My husband's ex wife cheated on him and stayed in contact with elderly mother for a while but it dwindled out after a while. They had been together a lot longer than 3 years tho but I agree with you, it annoyed me. Unjustifiably maybe, but it did. The rest of his family had no time for her tho.

Original poster
Barbaro · 19/08/2017 21:58

Oh it doesn't annoy me and I definitely wouldn't say anything, I just found it unusual behaviour.

OP posts:
Mushroomburger17 · 19/08/2017 21:59

It's not weird in itself but I'd be horrified at their lack of loyalty to their son.

HoundOfTheBasketballs · 19/08/2017 22:10

I think a lot depends on whether there are children involved.
I am still very close with my exes family, not that I cheated on him although the split was difficult.
Part of the reason, not all of it though, is because we have a child. So I see a lot of them to facilitate their relationship with my DS.

Desmondo2016 · 19/08/2017 22:18

You say it doesn't annoy you but in your OP you said it was a bit out of order which would surely suggest it annoys you a bit?

SerendipityFelix · 19/08/2017 23:22

Sorry just to clarify, your current boyfriend's ex cheated on him but she is still matey with his family? (Only they're both 'ex' in this scenario, I thought the cheating was the other way around when I first replied!)

If it doesn't bother you why is it even an issue to raise - clearly it irks you somewhat! Honestly from your point of view I completely understand some slight jealousy/insecurity, it's common for us to feel that about our current partners' exes, especially when their exes where the ones that rejected them. Would he still be with her if she hadn't cheated, does she regret what she did and wish they could reconcile, is that why she's still in touch.... that would all be going through my head. But equally it could just be that she genuinely gets on with his family and they have stuff to talk about/do together independently of her previous relationship with him.

So no, I don't think it's necessarily 'out of order' in her part at all. But it is reasonable to feel uneasy about it, that seems pretty natural. Have you talked to your partner about how you feel about this, what does he think about the situation?

Happytobefree17 · 20/08/2017 02:14

Is your partner still friends with his ex?

Original poster
Barbaro · 20/08/2017 07:23

Nah he's not friends with her. I think she does regret what happened, that's the way it seems at least, but he's not going to go back to her, that's why I'm not annoyed about it.

I only asked because I was just curious what other people thought. I guess out of order wasn't the right term to use but I couldn't think of anything else at the time.

OP posts:
junebirthdaygirl · 20/08/2017 09:55

If there is dc involved staying in touch often happens but no children no involvement..l think.

Original poster
Barbaro · 20/08/2017 14:38

Oh yeah if kids were involved it's not weird, they have to be able to see their grandparents.

Cheers though everyone, guess it's just personal preference then in a manner of speaking.

OP posts:
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