A giftless anniversary...

[SassyPants19]

Im throwing a first world problem out there, but how would you ladies feel, if on your 8th wedding anniversary you received absolutely sweet 'F' all? We got married on his birthday, so we often celebrate those over our anniversary. But on this rare occasion he was:
a) in the country
b) fully made aware of the fact that it was our wedding anniversary
c)that we were going out for a boozy lunch together as a treat (organised by me)

Now, we did go for lunch and it was a boozy affair, we had a giggle but having bought him an epic birthday present and then an amazing anniversary gift...I get nothing. Absolutely nothing - not even a note written on a scrap of paper. It's not so much the greed of a gift that fills me but the lack of thought? I seem to spend so much time banking away those passing comments and storing them up for wonderful thoughtful heartfelt gifts but when it comes to me...Nadda! Is it wrong of me to be a tad hurt and a little disappointed?

That's men for you. It probably didn't occur to him that you were expecting a gift.

Some people express love through gifts. Obviously you are one of them. Look up love languages.
I would just enjoy the day for what it was. 8th isnt a big one or anything.

Oh come on, the OP bought him a great anniversary present - surely that was his cue to say "Oops! Let's go and get you something!"

I wouldn't think anything.
I wouldn't expect gift on a wedding anniversary.

That's not men for you. That's thoughtless arses for you.

I'd be totally pissed off. You'll probably be accused of being grabby but it's the total lack of thought not the lack of expenditure.

I would be hurt too. I don't always get a gift on the day but always would be given an iou for something if DH hadn't had the time or money to get it in advance, or wanted me to choose it. We are big anniversary celebraters in general in our family though, we celebrate ours and my parents' with cards and gifts.

You're probably right. I did mention in passing that a little note would have been enough...but still nothing! He's tinkering with a project car or sailing all the time, so not much thought for anything or anyone else at the moment.

That's so sad Sassy. You have been so thoughtful towards him. It's pretty shit of him to not give you something.

I'd tell him how upset you are.

What has happened on the other 7 years?

If he doesn't bother and you do, then why did you expect any different and what have you done about it before?

If he usually does - what's his reason this year and is it forgivable?

TBH your point B speaks volumes - that you emphasise that he was aware, even though he can hardly forget as it's his birthday! Suggests that you know celebrating it isn't a big deal?

My fiancé had a happy 20 year marriage with his late wife - never did anything more than go for a cheap (what they could afford) meal out together. Gifts weren't important. No gifts doesn't mean you don't care. But they were aligned.

I think you potentially have an issue that former anniversary gifts were "masked" by his birthday. Does he actually know that he's been getting anniversary gifts?

What conversations have you had about this before?

Tip of the iceberg I think though, with your sailing comment.

I just did an advanced search and on another thread a while back you said you'd sorted the presents issue out in your relationship by you always emailing him a list to choose from.
Did you email him a list for this anniversary?
If you did - he's a thoughtless shit and I'd be having serious words about that.
But if you didn't email, I think you need to consider that you've given him the easy way out in the past and he genuinely didn't think there'd be a present exchange.
Of course, then he should have said "I'm sorry, I didn't realise we were swapping gifts, I'll get you something today".
So I'm not trying to totally excuse him!
But honestly, if you're going to actively allow your husband to abdicate most of the responsibility for getting you a gift - this is how it's going to end up

Does your Dh buy you gifts spontaneously at any other time of the year? Even a chocolate bar or something small that he knows you like? It seems sad when it seems you have put thought and effort in to the presents.

My OH doesn't buy me anniversary, birthday or Christmas gifts. We've been married over 42yrs.

I've given up any expectations! I'm never disappointed😁

He's tinkering with a project car or sailing all the time, so not much thought for anything or anyone else at the moment

That's your bigger problem isn't it ?

Some men treat they partners like teenagers treat their mothers. " get out my life / leave me alone / it's my life I can do what I want " then " I need £20, can you run me to Lucy's and pick me at at midnight, why isn't my washing done " .

Kr1stina😁

Yeah not men, just a person who doesn't really care enough.

Way to put all men in the same bracket, my mum forgets there Anniversary most years, my dad never forgets and always buys gifts

I don't think we have ever bought each other anniversary presents and we've been married 14 years. So it wouldn't bother me at all. Some people think anniversary gifts are important. Some really don't. The lack of a gift does not necessarily mean your dh is thoughtless or doesn't care.

OP, I'd suggest you celebrate his birthdays from now on in the same way he celebrates for you, get him nothing, that way you won't be disappointed when this happens.

My hubby doesn't really buy me gifts - so over the years we have evolved a system where I have a gift list I come up with of things I want that I buy around that time. To be honest it works out better as I get the exact things I have been wanting for a while. I also include things I would like him to do on my list (this year it's have some alternative therapy to help with some of his medical problems). My hubby is very generous with me so it's not him being thoughtless. He's just not as big on gifts for occasions like anniversaries etc.

Well OP seems to have disappeared anyway.

She already has the same system as you ittakes according to her previous thread.

I bet you have everything you need...do you not?

Be happy that you have a good marriage. We buy each other gifts if and when we see something the other one might like but we have NEVER bought each other an anniversary gift. It's nice to do things when it's not expected.

My ExH on the last anniversary we had didn't get nothing (I wasn't expecting much either)he got an item I wanted, but instead got a cheaper version of it in the Sale. He could see I guess I was mildly dissapointed, and gave me the receipt to swap it for the one I did want. When I went to swap I discovered he'd spent just £9.50 on it, so couldn't afford the version I wanted. I also walked past a Mother's Day bundle and realised how much he'd spent on her and that he had taken the chocolate box out of it and wrapped it for me. For me it wasn't that I was being grabby and precious, but that he was historically tight fisted and frankly financially abusive, and I couldn't shake my anger at the thought of him skipping gaily out of the shop with a smug grin on his face having got away with spending less than £10 on his wife of more than a decade. We're now divorced.