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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Living with Ex

3 replies

user1496940061 · 17/07/2017 17:39

We are going through separation and still living in the same house until we sell and move on ! plus we have 2 young children.

Our attempts at being civil do not appear to be working - no rows as such just no real communication and no sign of this changing. This makes it hard for all of us.

In summary Partner did the dirty and I can't get over this and hence not being the most friendliest of people to the EXGF

Any advice on making the best of a bad situation? For everyone's sake!

Thanks all

OP posts:

Original poster

user1496940061 · 26/07/2017 11:53

Bump.
Any advice as I'm struggling !
Thanks

OP posts:

CockacidalManiac · 26/07/2017 12:13

I lived with an ex for about a month after we split up. She had initiated it, and I just couldn't cope with her dating while I was still there.
I had to get out as my mental health was being destroyed; I moved back in with my mother for a couple of months until I found somewhere to rent (and was well enough again to do so).
I'm sure that some people have managed to do it though.

Isetan · 29/07/2017 10:49

What are your expectations? Write them down and ask her to do the same and try and negotiate. Civil is a really good start but don't confuse civility with togetherness, you aren't, your relationship is over. If communication is difficult, then forcing regular communication will only cause more tension. What needs communicating and how often? If it's things to do with your children, draw up a schedule which takes care of those repetitive tasks, so there is no need to be in constant communication because it's mostly been agreed in advance. If it's about money and assets, get professional advice and support.

I know it's difficult with betrayal being the backdrop to your split but break ups take as much work, if not more, than relationships because being kind and generous to someone who has hurt you isn't easy. Detaching emotionally from your STBEX and focussing on your children's needs and what they need from you, amidst a very difficult time for them, is the goal and ecuring an apology, remorse and an acknowledgement of your pain from your Ex isn't. That's why detaching emotionally from them is so important.

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