Breaking up advice

[Alison100199]

I've been seeing someone for around 9 months, full on, absolutely lovely in many ways. However, there have been a few red flags along the way and have finally made the decision to break up tonight.
I'm feeling sick and awful about it and haven't done this for twenty years. How on earth do I tell him? He's staying with me at the moment and will know something is up the minute I get home.

Stick to the truth, don't complicate things with excuses or half truths and ask him to leave. Life's too short to spend with the wrong people and it's been a short relationship so far, so no awkward ties to sever.

Don't be unkind. Just be straight and honest and walk away.

You're right. I don't know why I feel so awful about it. I guess I've always been conditioned to say yes to everything. I'm worried how he might react. I don't think I will be unsafe but I've realised I don't really know him.

What are the red flags that you're seeing OP?

I've been in that situation very recently and made a complete hash of it. To make matters worse, he kept sucking me back in and it dragged on and on. I think if you know it's not right, you have to do it. Like Brahms said, life's too short.

He has very poor boundaries, especially around alcohol - helping himself when drunk etc and getting drunk when he shouldn't. He is also not working and living with his parents after he had to sell his house. 4 years later he is still there. But he is also kind, funny, great in bed and apart from when drinking, respectful.