Has anyone ended a relationship with someone while you are both still in love?

[user1498579797]

I ended it with my boyfriend of 27 months yesterday because ultimately we don't want the same things in life.

I have always been cheated on in the past and the men would just leave me for someone else. But this time we are still very much in love but just don't know how to carry on. Its so hard, its killing me.

No but suspect I am going to have to end a relationship with someone I love because he repeatedly does something I have asked him time and time again not to do.
It's tough one

I did, it was and still is really hard the only way I managed it was deleting & changing every way of contact we had, it's been a long time I have a DP & we have a 12 year old and are very happy but I think of the ex often.

Yes.
Right person, wrong time for both of us.
Sometimes the David Essex song 'winters tale' plays, and Christ! It takes me back!
Bleak,cold snowy winter in the depths of rural glos.
Perfect fit! .

Yes. It's horrible. You wonder if you're making a huge mistake or making the right decision. Torn in two. Wanting a future with that person, that just isn't possible, no matter how hard you try and make it work or compromise. Sometimes love really isn't enough.

What were the different things you wanted?

I haven't personally but have close friends who have recently done this. Essentially she wanted children and he never did and neither one wanted to hurt the other in the long run. They both seem okay on the surface but think it will take a long time to heal.

Yes. He definitely didn't want children and I definitely did. It was awful and then I married someone else and was very unhappy for a long time. I had 3 beautiful children who are now grown up and I still feel bad for choosing such a bad father for them.

Yes, I have. It was a long time ago but it was so hard at the time.

We were together but he dumped me because he didn't think I cared about him as much as he cared about me (I was rubbish at talking about or showing my feelings). It was only when he dumped me that I admitted to myself that I loved him. I spent the next few weeks trying to win him back but he wouldn't believe me. Until one night he turned up on my doorstep in tears saying he'd been stupid and had a one night stand with someone and it made him realise how much he loved me. So we were back together. We moved in together and we were very happy (20 years later he still talks about this period as the happiest time of his life) and were planning our engagement. And then the one night stand contacted him via his friends to say she was pregnant and it was his baby and she was keeping it. Not good but it got worse. Once the baby was born, she said he had to choose between me or the baby. If he wanted to see his child ever, he couldn't be with me (it was pretty obvious by then that she wanted him to move in with her). He chose me. But I couldn't live with a child growing up not knowing it's father because of us wanting to be together. It seemed too selfish and I knew it would tear us apart eventually. So despite being in love and happy, we split up.

That happened 20 years ago and I'm still in touch with him (in fact he was just texting me tonight), although we had a long time when we didn't have any contact. He's never married, neither have I. I sometimes wonder what might have been, I know he does too. He's still the person in my life who loves me unconditionally. Maybe we'll be one of those couples who end up reuniting in their 60s/70s. But right now my life has changed dramatically (for the better) whereas his has stagnated and I think all we have in common is the past and unconditional caring for each other.

Wow Hundred your story actually made me cry.

Did you ever find anyone else come close to that love you had?

Yes. It broke me, I kept stress vomiting for about 48 hours which I've never experienced before or since.

Got into a rebound relationship shortly after, saw recent ex, went home with him knowing what would happen and shagged/cried all night.

Deleted his number and all his friends' numbers the next day because I couldn't stay away. Told new bf immediately and he dumped me (fair).

Got into next terrible rebound relationship which turned out to be abusive and controlling but I couldn't leave because I was so scared I couldn't handle it again.

Was stupid. Be single for a while if you do it.

Surprisedbutpleased17 sorry!!!!! I didn't mean to make you cry.

I did find one person but it didn't last. He was separated and going through a nasty divorce with 2 DC, and he just wasn't ready to be in a such a serious relationship. I loved him so much though, to be honest I think I probably still love him. He broke my heart and I swore off men for good. I actually left the country and went to work overseas for a few years. I'm back in the UK but still celibate. I just can't face opening myself to the risk of such hurt again. So now I'm one of those women who is all career and no lovelife. Unfortunately I'm allergic to cats so can't turn into crazy cat lady.

Hundred - can you not get together now? The child will be grown up

OP this is your 3rd thread.

Be honest, you broke up with him because he doesn't want to be in a relationship with someone with children. Is happy to have the child free bits but doesn't want to make it work with someone with children because he's done his child-rearing and is in his 50's and heading to retirement.

The answer is simple. If you want a casual relationship then carry on seeing him casually, meet without the kids and disregard them. But if you have genuine feelings for him then this relationship has no future because he doesn't want to be a part of your children's lives. And as the youngest is only four there is no actual future in a relationship like that.

FWIW he's not wrong for not wanting to be a step parent, it's not for everyone. But why anyone would think it is a good idea to be in a relationship with someone who does not accept them and their children as a package is beyond me.

Yes.
He had children and didn't want anymore.

I didn't have children and I wanted them.

I ended it.

He said he might change his mind.

I didn't want to risk that.

OP - very brave. BRAVO TO YOU

Hundred you sound so much like me. I think that's why your story touched me so much.

I loved my ex so much but he was terrified of us turning into his unhappily married parents and wouldn't commit. So I left. But I never stopped loving him.

We're now back in touch but it took a long time to get here. Even now if he told me he'd finally met the one, I'd be happy for him because I love him but I think my heart would break.

Yes. It was a good decision, but it wiped the joy from life for a long time.

Yes. Distance was a factor (we're talking an entire continent's worth), and there was no plausible way for either of us to move without giving virtually everything else up. We loved each other, but ultimately neither of us were prepared to do that.

Even now if he told me he'd finally met the one, I'd be happy for him because I love him but I think my heart would break.

I totally get this. My ex told me recently that he's been seeing someone for 7 years (!) and he was away (while he was texting me) meeting her parents for the first time. I have such mixed feelings. Part of me is glad he's found someone but part of me hurts and I don't really understand why. I don't want to get back together. There is so much water under the bridge that I don't know if it could ever work. So much hurt and so many rows. Maybe it's a case of I don't want him but I don't want anyone else to have him. I know he adores me (crazy fool!) and is so proud of me, and he knows me better than anyone. He really has seen me at my very worst yet he still loves me. For the moment, I just text occasionally and keep my distance. He keeps asking to meet up (he lives 200 miles away but has been working not far from where I live) and I keep making up lies why I can't. I don't want to cause any trouble with his GF (yet at the same time an awful part of me wants to). Very mixed feelings indeed

Not yet but I will be doing if things carry on the way they are at the moment 😞 we have a 6 month old aswell, never felt so down.