Help

[Jultay]

I'm currently lying in bed crying in this beautiful day.
My hubby has been so miserable and tired this weekend and every weekend. I came home from work yesterday and asked him to put up 2 shelves and put a fan together ... he did nothing but moan moan moan saying the shelves and the fan were cheap shit .... I originally bought dearer ones and he told me they were too expensive and to take them back.
Today we have been for a walk with the dog and he's been moan moan moan again ... it's too hot ... the dogs a pain in the arse etc.
He works 13 hour nights and never moans about work or is tired in the week and has chance to sleep for a few hours in the night but never does.
As soon as weekend comes he's totally different .... tired moody and doesn't want to do anything . I'm beginning to think he doesn't like spending time with me and prefers to be at work .
Some days we don't see each other at all due to me working.
My only day off today has been SHIT and I'm starting to get very fed up ... am I being unreasonable ?

YANBU

Have you tried asking him what's wrong? Why he seems so moody?

Your time off from work deserves to be relaxing and fulfilling. My sugggestion - next day off go and do something fun on your own. But that's just a short term fix

He says nothing up with him ( always same answer ) he says he hates the sun but when it's raining he hates that too ....
It makes me so sad as we spend so much time apart due to work our weekends should be great .... but they're not 😩

Can't help thinking something or somebody at work makes him happier than I can 😪

Unfortunately some people are just joy suckers.

I think you need to stop changing things to make him happy. Prime example - shelves were too expensive. You changed them. Then they were too cheap. So you can't do anything then, eh?

But I think you need to tell him how you're feeling. You feel he's in a bad mood and that you can't seem to do anything to make him happy. Stop trying to make him happy. Make yourself happy. and if that means you leave him, then that's what to do.

I actually have the same conversation every weekend and sometimes during the week.

I find my DH quiet and moany but when he talks about work it sounds very upbeat and funny so it makes me always think why don't I get the same feelings from you at home?

I asked him today if he feels different at work to when he is at home and his reply was he can't see any difference, I said I can't imagine him being this none talkative at work because of the stories he tells me.

I just get the same answers as you, so it's very frustrating but when they just deny what else can you say?

I'm glad you have started this thread because it's not just me that feels this way.

So bloody frustrating isn't it when you can't get a proper answer ... I'm beginning to dread weekends ☹️

I would just leave him to it for a few weekends, go and do some of the things you enjoy doing and he can stay at home feeling moany and miserable. It's not your job to make him happy, especially at the response of your happiness.

His feelings are not more important than yours and I'd be inclined to just leave him to his moods.

I agree that you need to leave him to his whinging and do something fun, you can't keep letting him ruin your weekends.

Is this a recent thing or has he been like this for a while? It may be that he's deliberately being an arse to get you to leave...

It sounds like he is just using you to offload. Guys often put on a facade at work.

That's what I have told my self, that at work he is wearing a mask but as soon as he gets home he feels like he can relax enough

At 1st, some times still do, think it's me and the kids but now I'm starting to see that I have the real him at home and he feels that he doesn't have to talk all the time etc, we've been together since we were 16 have 3 children I don't know why I struggle with this!

I let myself get very effected by other people moods and I don't know why?

Why is he making decisions about the budget on the shelves/fan?
And why aren't you putting them up yourself?

Your husband could be a total arsehole, but there's not enough background to tell.

I'm very at the thought of him rejecting the first shelves then complaining about the second... but what's the context?

Maybe he's an arsehole making everything you do wrong.
Or maybe you overspent the agreed budget, and his complaints at the difficulty of constructing cheaper items wasn't a pop at you but frustration at only being able to afford those.

Is this how it always goes between you?