Can I go to the police?

[PhDPepper]

I am married and my DH is a solicitor. He thinks I should go to the police about something that happened when I was 16. I'm not sure they'd be interested.

I went to a friends house he was older than me, I was 16, we were watching films and he offered to give me a back rub I said no and thought I should probably leave. I went to the loo and he locked the front door.

I came back into the room got my bag and I can't remember how but he got me onto the floor and was on top of me, the only reason he didn't rape me was because his Dad rang the house phone. I got up and unlocked the door and ran down the street with no shoes on.

I called my mum and she picked me up but she didn't think it would be something the police would be interested in so I moved on had counselling etc. However I keep coming back to it. It totally changed who I am.

Sorry it's a bit long!

I think many women have stories like this and didn't report anything.

I sometimes think the police should do a sort of amnesty and get everyone to report and they will get loads of names coming up over and over and then they can go after them. Doubt it will happen.

My feeling is with what happened to me is that they'd not be interested. I think men have different ideas about what the police are interested in? They seem to think these things are serious and rare when that's not it at all. I mean they are serious but very common.

I don't know whether you should report it. I'm sorry. I wish we all could and something would be done though.

Agree with Queen.

Ime men haven't the faintest clue what girls and women go through daily when it comes to sexual assaults (including near misses and threats of assault). Your dh is probably expressing his love for you by urging you to report something that, to him, is an appalling act of rare violence but to most women is almost routine.

I highly doubt the police will help you feel better about what happened. I'd focus on counselling and moving on from what happened tbh.

Your dh might also benefit from some counselling. For example he does need to understand that telling a survivor they must report isn't actually a super supportive thing to do. Your experiences belong to you - you are the one who gets to decide how to deal with them.

Best wishes. I'm sorry that happened to you. Xx

Thank you, I think it just shocked him beyond belief when I told him. I think it happens far too often and my heart goes out to all the ladies this has happened to.

I wouldn't. What good would it do for you? Most of us have had something similar happen but you have to put yourself first and the only way you can do that is let it go and move on. Holding on to things only hurts you. Going to the police will only hurt you. There's nothing they'll be able to do about it and you'll have upset yourself for no reason.

Yes it's sad that this is the answer though isn't it.

I agree with stamps thing about your partner needing to understand that reporting etc may well not be what's best for you, and you are the person who gets to decide.

I dont think going to the police would help. What sort of outcome would you hope for? Counselling might be a better route?

I think that yes, you should go to the police. He nearly raped you and he locked you in. Maybe he's done that before or since. If he has and he's reported, then the fact that you've reported it will help.

What do you want to do? What do you need to do? What outcome would you like?

I agree with Cricrichan. Hopefully he hasn't done this to anyone else, but if he has, this could be a pattern. You don't know if someone else has reported him but they were told the one report wasn't enough or something.

I don't know, but if you report it does it HAVE to be pursued? Can it just go on a file somewhere? While he scared you and assaulted you, it may not be "enough" for anything to come of it. Hopefully it helps you though feel like you did something.

Maybe you could talk to a nice female police officer and see what she thinks?