Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

D*** pics

26 replies

Mojoey · 30/05/2017 16:24

Basically I received a face book message from someone I don't know claiming that my fiancée (who I've been with 8 years and we have a son) was on a dating site.I didn't believe her and told her to prove it..and wow I wasn't expecting what she sent me,screenshots of his account..he had sent her his number and d* pics (that were taken in our bed)we have since separated because I can't trust him...he doesn't think he's done anything wrong,he's blaming me for the split but I can't trust him.any advice

OP posts:
grungeneverdied · 30/05/2017 16:30

Stay separated. Any level of cheating is cheating doesn't matter if he was only intending to flirt and never meet. Self respect and value about all move on 👍🏻

FizzyGreenWater · 30/05/2017 16:32

He doesn't think he's done anything wrong?!! Grin

I'm sorry but I have very little advice other than well done on dumping him (I presume you did) and well done on not trusting him.

He blames you for the split? Well, presumably if he really is so dense as to not understand how sending dick pics from your dating profile when married counts as 'wrong', then I'm not surprised he is blaming you, He sounds so thick he probably has trouble actually understanding the difference between himself and another person. Does he catch sight of his reflection in mirrors and stop and look utterly puzzled? Grin

Carry on as you are doing. Concentrate on finances, maintenance, sorting access etc. Don't discuss anything else with him - he blames you? Let him whine and laugh in his face, or offer to write down in verrry short easy words why it is Wrong To Be A Cheat. Ignore him as much as possible.

Good luck and well done on getting rid.

Adora10 · 30/05/2017 16:32

9 times out of 10 such revelations are usually correct; go back go what, a man that is dishing out pics of his dick on dating sites, really, surely you can't be that desperate.

weatherbomb · 30/05/2017 16:36

print it and send him a copy then block & delete. You can sort contact with ds after he realises that sending people his number and pics of his dick is not conducive to a stable loving caring relationship. Cheating bastard.

Original poster
Mojoey · 30/05/2017 16:48

I tried to find out why he did it and all I got was"I'm not interested"I was mortified when I was sent the pictures and I saved them and sent them to him...he wasn't phased..Didn't care..I don't understand him

OP posts:
absolutelynot · 30/05/2017 16:57

it's a great tactic he's using, in psychological terms it can extend to "denial of reality", in as much as he is refusing to accept that this is an issue in the hope you start to think it mustn't be.

ultimately however, your relationship and specifically you mean little to nothing to him, all to lose but not willing to regain it once its potentially lost.

who needs to live a life you will lead, where you will doubt his whereabouts, what he's doing, how long it takes for him to do something and even if he never did anything in real life, he will always have access to smart technology and will ultimately do it again.

this is an issue, the fact he doesn't care doesn't mean you shouldn't or don't have a right to.

this from the person who left after she hunted high and low for whats he knew existed, only to be confronted by a brick wall of 3!!! different email addresses with 3!!!! different passwords. in a day and age where familys are together can be a rare and special thing, it certainly doesn't mean it is the happiest outcome for all involved.

absolutelynot · 30/05/2017 16:58

also he must be quite arrogant, there is nothing remotely attractive about a penis! why do they insist on sending these veiny images like we sit there going "phwoar! look at that!"....just me??? but yack yack yack!!

Aquamarine1029 · 30/05/2017 17:09

He doesn't think he's done ANYTHING WRONG?! That right there tells you everything you need to know. What an absolute cunt. Move on and have a great life. Without him!

Original poster
Mojoey · 30/05/2017 17:13

Thank you x I will move on..I'm not gonna lie it hurts after 8 years.

OP posts:
absolutelynot · 30/05/2017 17:19

it will Mojoey, in your mind your relationship was in a totally different place from his. Now you are the only person grieving the loss of "your" relationship, it will be difficult to do that alone. But not impossible. He will undoubtedly p* you off in a million different ways these next few weeks, so he will help in some ways :) stay strong

Vagabond · 30/05/2017 17:21

Lucky escape. I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but believe me, you're lucky you know this information now. What kind of an asshole sends a pic of his cock to someone else? What a tasteless jerk. Don't be tempted to stay with him because he's blase about it. The guy is a total loser.

hellsbellsmelons · 30/05/2017 17:32

Oh it's crap.
I saw all sorts on my ExP ipad and phone.
On my match profile my opening line is 'if you think it's big and clever to send a picture of your dick over the WWW then please don't contact me'
Not that I've ever signed up properly.

I hate all that.
Crikey they teach it at school now not to do it.

His reaction is awful and you are better off away from him that's for sure.
Of course it hurts.
It's 8 years of your life.
A lot of history and a child.
You will have down days.
You will crash once the shock and adrenalin wears off.
So look after yourself.

yetmorecrap · 30/05/2017 17:36

I dont think you need to ask OP, I would imagine this is a red flag for 99% of mumsnetters, married or not. What the hell makes guys think this is a great thing to do. Its absolutely bizzare.

Original poster
Mojoey · 30/05/2017 17:59

I've kicked him out and he's carrying on with his life.while I'm here with his son who is heartbroken.I don't feel down atm not even shed a tear yet.he said it's not cheating because he didn't actually meet anyone.

OP posts:
FizzyGreenWater · 30/05/2017 18:03

Just stop listening to him.

As for understanding him - stop trying to do that too.

There isn't anything to understand except:

  1. he wasn't the person you thought he was
  2. he is very very stupid
  3. he is a nasty selfish cheat.

Be sad, be surprised, but don't spend energy trying to look for more 'reasons' than this. It's very simple - you didn't know it until now, but he's a nasty little shitscrape cheat who has been found out. And that is the explanation.

Save your energy for your DS and for sorting out the practicalities. You will be better off, much better off in the long run being away from this loser.

MandMand · 30/05/2017 18:12

If he's still insisting that he's not done anything wrong, and it doesn't count as cheating, ask him how he would feel if you had messaged other blokes on a dating sites, and sent them photos of your vagina? If he's not totally, absolutely fine with you doing that, why on earth does he think its OK for him to do it?

TheNaze73 · 30/05/2017 18:13

For what it's worth, I think it's cheating. A lot of men wouldn't though

WaitingYetAgain · 30/05/2017 18:19

Even if one does not consider it cheating, it's still emotionally checking out. What woman wants to put up with not being her husband or partner's number one (unless you have an open relationship)? I'm sure if you were the one sending pics of your bits and chatting to men, he'd not be too happy about it. I think it's worse when the person won't admit what they've done.

Original poster
Mojoey · 30/05/2017 18:33

He's admitted it.he can't understand why I've reacted like I have.quote from him..what's done is done get over it!!!

OP posts:
TheNaze73 · 30/05/2017 18:37

So, the $64,000 question is now what?

He's not exactly remorseful & doesn't seem at all bothered. What are you hoping to achieve? I don't think you'll get the closure you need from him sadly, as you have such varying stances on this

JK1773 · 30/05/2017 18:38

Urgh he sounds vile. You're well rid x

WinchestersInATardis · 30/05/2017 18:54

Ugh. He sounds awful. The 'Its not a big deal/Its done' thing is horribly disrespectful. He knows very well just how bad it is; he's using the argument about whether it's bad or not to bully you into giving in over it.
You're well rid.

Flumplet · 30/05/2017 18:59

I will never understand why men feel the need to send pictures of their little dinkies to people. It utterly baffles me. I'm sorry you're going through this OP, as previous posters have said, continue as you are - you're better off having got rid.

Original poster
Mojoey · 30/05/2017 19:01

I think I'm still a bit shocked by it all..has anybody else's other half done this...I am well rid..he definitely ain't coming back here.

OP posts:
LittleGreenPear · 30/05/2017 19:07

Yes I agree with him when he tells you to get over it

Please do just this. Alone, building a great life for yourself

Best piece of advice I can give you is to stop talking about it with him. He's also right when he says what's done is done. He chose to send classy pics of his cock to a stranger and now he is reaping what he has sowed. It's done

You've done brilliantly to boot him. You obviously are a woman who knows her worth and boundaries

Swipe left for the next trending thread