How to warn DP about his colleague

[blueflower30]

Hello all. I need some opinions please. My DP works for a company for the past few months. They recently hired more people and my DP got close to one of them. According to my DP he is very helpful when no one else is, trustworthy etc. This has led to my DP oversharing with this new person, complaining about everything that goes wrong within the company, talking bad about their supervisor , you get the picture. I have as a principal that he should not trust so easy people who he barely knows but apart this the colleague has done some things that i find worrying. He told to my DP how the supervisor asked him to take over his role when he will quit his job( i can not believe this in a million years, the supervisor has no intent to quit and if he had i can not believe he would ask the new guy who works there for a month to take his place). He is also saying things that seem intimidating towards my partner. For example he was "joking" that the supervisor contacts him all the time and sends messages to the rest employees through him. He made sure to mention that he has no idea why he never contacts my DP, implying that the supervisor doesnt like him . He also mentioned to their boss things said in a personal conversation , work related and took credit for what my DP had suggested. When i tried to warn my DP to be more careful of this colleague he end up blaming me that i dont like it when he makes new friends and i am trying to find something wrong. Do you think i overreact ? And how i can approach my DP when he wont listen anything i say?

Well I don't think you're overreacting, the guy sounds two-faced and slimy to me, but if your DP really won't listen to you and somehow managed to turn it around on you I don't know what more you can do In these sorts of situations often the only thing that will make any difference is when the two-faced person DOES turn on their so-called friend (I have in the past tried to genuinely warn friends about similar things, but they tend not to accept they could be wrong until it's too late), but given that he really overshares with this colleague and complains about their supervisor etc what him "turning on" your DP looks like could be very messy! I hope someone else has more useful advice, or that it will come to nothing, but I think I'd have an uneasy feeling about it too if I were you.

I'm not surprised your DH got close to this other person as these manipulative types are able to get close to people quickly and extract personal information out of them to be used against them later. I see your DH as a victim of this colleague. This other person is already driving a wedge between your DH and the supervisor. It's orchestrated.

Your DH may be embarrassed to admit he is being conned. Really, your DH should be taking notes, what the co-worker said, when, about whom. Bet you dollars to donuts your DH will lose his job over this. He will need to have meticulous notes to defend himself. He should, of course, keep his distance, but not totally. Keep your enemies closer and all....

Also, I bet this co-worker isn't very good at his job. These types usually aren't.

OP be vary wary. And please try to to talk to your OH about his colleague again. My sister made a mistake of oversharing with her mentor at her recent job and she got sacked because she was "creating a negative atmosphere." My sis felt left out because she was placed in a team full of men who were quite chauvinistic and would often leave her out and give her the silent treatment because she was just the intern and so just wanted her to do their errands (e.g. "Go to Pret and grab me a sandwich" etc) and not actually do any work. Even though, she often refused, they would ask her again the next day and roll their eyes when she'd refuse. She was clearly competent as she was hired after completeing the internship and was placed on the same team Andy yet the constant requests for a Starbucks coffee etc persisted and she carried on refusing and just got on with her job. Needless to say, her colleagues didn't like this. And her "mentor" always seemed very busy during office hours but always took the time to sit with my sis during her lunch breaks. My sister really appreciated this and ended up sharing too much because the mentor provided a listening ear. I did try to warn my sister that there were certain things she shouldn't share with her mentor but could with me if she wanted as she needs to speak to her mentor about work-related matters and not raise personal concerns about specific individuals unless she has clear evidence of office bullying. She didn't believe and thought I was being paranoid and I then kept my reservations to myself. Her mentor passed on the info that my sis had shared in confidence and it led to my sister being sacked as she was still in the probation period. My sister has never been sacked before and despite being a very confident person, even she was verging on depression due to the termination and because she was shocked that her mentor had stabbed her in the back.

A similar thing happened to my mother-in-law, albeit in another country.

She joined a new company, was befriended by a colleague and when said colleague got himself into trouble at work she left with him in protest. She then was conned out of over £20000 of family savings which to this day she's not been able to get back. Only then did she believe what he husband, son, sisters and friends had been saying all along.

Extreme but very sad and she'll never be the same again.

I think you are right. Office politics is a tricky game that can go disasterously wrong as you are sensing.

Very often in companies its best to chant the comany mantra and keep your thoughts to yourself. Speaking out/whistleblowing/etc often ends in you being sidelined,black balled or otherwise..

You are very right to be concerned

I think the saying is: it is easier to fool someone than to convince them they have been fooled.

Thank you all for the replies. I tried to talk to him again but sadly he wont listen. He ended up arguing with me and supporting his "friend", telling me that i cause a problem because i am jealous . Note that another thing the colleague did ,is keep forgetting to leave some important paperwork that my partner needs for work. But he of course can not see anything wrong, "its because the colleague is tired and forgets" I can understand to forget once or twice but the whole week ? I guess i will just have to leave it because every time i try to tell him anything he turns against me