Erm.... lack of sex

[aldilover]

My husband is complaining we need to have more sex and that I the only time we have sex is when I've had a glass of wine or 3. If I had wine every night I'm sure he wouldn't see an issue but I only drink once a fortnight .

There are issues of performance anxiety that have frustrated me over the years and he won't go see a doctor. So after a long day running after 5 kids the last thing I want to do is have sex.

We love each other and we do chat about it but we can't find a solution to this. Any help is more than welcome.

You both need to show willing on this & meet half way. He needs to see a Dr asap. If he doesn't, he's creating his own problem

So you're only having sex once a fortnight?

Yes

Bigger issue than having sex once a fortnight jumps out to me - why are you only having sex after drinking? That really very strongly suggests you don't really want to but find it easier to do because you are drunk.

Bigger issue than having sex once a fortnight jumps out to me - why are you only having sex after drinking? That really very strongly suggests you don't really want to but find it easier to do because you are drunk.

Do you know if the drink helps because it relaxes you, or because of lowered inhibitions, or perhaps as offred says, you don't actually want to do it and find it easier when drunk?

My DW for last few years is mostly only interested when she is particularly relaxed (she has been diagnosed with stress in last few months), so drinking or a nice hot bath tend to be very helpful.

Another thing I've been trying to arrange but haven't managed, is to have a day off just the two of us, so DC at childcare, nobody else around all day, no housework or errands that need doing, no pressure to have sex either but just spend a relaxing day together and see what happens

Hi, thanks for the responses.

The wine definitely makes me more relaxed. I have a medical condition which keeps me in pain. When I go to bed at night I'm still in pain and it takes me a while to get to sleep. I can't take stronger medication because I have the kids to look after.

My husband works a 70 hour week (out of choice). He is great with the kids and if I need him for something he will leave his work to help me out.

I find him attractive, we go out together more often than I expected to with 5 kids and I definitely don't believe we are in a rut. But perhaps he does.

Sometimes I tell him just to suck it up and live with it. Our marriage is really enjoyable apart from this issue.

Is the issue then the pain and your workload?

No-one who is exhausted and in pain is going to want sex TBH.

Offred I try to tell my husband that but he think I'm at it and I've gone off him

I don't think there is a solution which doesn't involve me having sex just to keep him happy. I enjoy sex when we do have it.

Maybe try him spending less time working, and more time helping you relax, that might help you both out?