Talk some sense into me !

[sproutsmum]

Got rid of a nasty bloke that was out for everything he could get and to make as much of a mess of the rest of my life as he could , I went no contact about nine/ ten months ago but tonight for some reason I'm missing him so much. He was really good at lovebombing at the start and it made me feel good , but I worked out that it was all bull, urrrrrggghhh some one give my head a wobble , I'm looking at the phone and thinking about it!

STEP AWAY FROM THE PHONE!

List every single horrible thing about him on here. We will wobble your head until it falls off!

Nooo Op!!! You've done so well to get this far. Don't give in now. If you text him one of the following will happen:

He will ignore your text and you'll feel rubbish.

He'll respond unkindly, saying he's moved on, tell you to get over it blah blah...

He will respond and hoover you back in and you'll feel rubbish when it all starts going wrong again, and it will go wrong again.

Alternatively you can carry on with nc and your life will get progressively better without him in it. Don't take a leap backwards. You'll regret it.

Builds me up , I love you , you're so ..... insert compliment here , then very quickly and quietly will say something to try and knock me back down , e.g. Fat , stupid etc

Flirted and was touchy freely with my mum when he was pissed off with me
Was touchy freely with other women when he thought I wasn't looking
Always lying about everything
possessive accusing random strangers of looking at me wrong
Always wanted to know where I was but was shady as f*ck about his own whereabouts

Got absolutely hammered when he'd got a bee in his bonnet about something
Viewed every female as asex object
Arrrgh he's a very bad lad , but could be very charming if he wanted to be !

I'm gonna go and find a shovel and bury the phone in the back garden and pay my dog in bacon to guard it from me!

Didn't acknowledge my birthday in any way
Didn't seem to care when I had major abdominal surgery,

( still trying to be strong , trying to keep busy and away from the phone )
You ladies are very right though , it won't end well.
I'd definitely feel crap if I made the call.
I'm lucky in some ways that he is Really unlikely to ever just pop back up, this craving gets better right? Eventually?
😞

Delete his number for god sakes. Try to look ahead at the consequences of contacting him. Inevitably you might feel good for a short time, then he will make you feel like shit again and you're back to square 1.
Men like this deserve to be alone for the rest of their lives.

Yup , I know you are right. I'm being ridiculous.
Some people just get right in your head though.

Logically I can look at it and see he's a wrong un and I'd be giving the same talking to, to any of my mates if they'd said the same about a bloke.
I'll get rid of the number , he's blocked everywhere else.

Get in touch with someone else, and old friend or family member you haven't talked to in a while. You are craving the dopamine rush you get, so do it in a positive way with a healthy person :) He was a dick, don't give him the pleasure.

He was a brand new and shiny friend of a close family member so when it went bad he helped make a mess of the family I had around me , that was hard ( I had a rubbish childhood but I thought things were ok) they decided the sun shone out of him so I had to keep away from them too. I believe they're still "mates" but as for craving that rush , yes I am .
I won't contact him , I am finding it hard to stop wanting to though.
It felt like amazing chemistry, even though looking back it was all bull on his side , I would just like him NOT to be in my head anymore.
I fell for it , hard, and I feel like a twat for listening to it and an even bigger twat for still being effected by it.

I realise I sound like a pathetic teenager.😞
Reading about limerance , maybe that's it , he wasn't anything special to look at , I'm struggling to work out how I got it so bloody wrong.

Christ he sounds really abusive! Well done on getting rid!

What a horrible destructive man. He was never nice op he was a manipulative controlling twat.

Yes definitely a case of limerence, I have been there myself. It will pass, you have done so well. In limerence, the only person you keep hurting it yourself. Like a wound on your arm which you keep opening. Don't do it. Be kind to yourself, let it heal x

Thank you ladies , sometimes some perspective is helpful.
I'm trying to find things to fill my life up so I don't have time on my hands to dwell.
I think it's hard to separate the elements and see things clearly when you're in the middle of it.