Emotionally unstable ex - access to our children..

[CookingMamama]

Without going on too much, we were together nearly 10 years, 2 children.

History of emotional abuse, jealousy and one incidence of violence. I eventually got the courage to leave when he would stop paying our household bills to fund nights out and regularly not come home after nights drinking (our baby was newborn).

We have been co-parenting reasonably well up until now but I fear this was mainly due to him believing we would eventually get back together, this has been made clear to him now that we have no chance of this happening. Since then I have had late night phone calls, messages, emails telling me how depressed he is, life isnt worth living etc.

Yesterday he text me saying he was on a bridge and wanted to jump, left me a voicemail saying he loves us and hes sorry. I called his dad to get in contact with him (and didnt engage with him directly).

He would be due to see the children over this weekend, I dont want to see him and didnt want to stop the children seeing him but I am worried about him having the children given his mental state. His parents are away this weekend so cant 'keep an eye' please help. Should I withhold contact?? Im worried he could use the children to hurt me, i.e. not bringing them home or that he will just be neglectful given his low moods.

You cannot leave your children in the hands of a man with suicidal thoughts. Refuse contact, or arrange for him to meet you all at a suitable public venue. Keep the texts and voicemails as you may need them for court evidence. You cannot predict his moods precisely so you need to seek an arrangement with him informally or legally through the courts about supervised visitation until his mental health concerns are stabilised. In fact you may be helping him in doing so because he is forced to seek professional help which he needs if he is going to parent these children.

No way unsupervised contact.

Your dc cannot be around him in his frame of mind.

Contact the police and/or SS to explain the situation and ask for advice. The next logical emotional blackmail step is for him to threaten to hurt the children.

I dont feel like he is genuinely suicidal, I think he is most probably trying to force me to talk/communicate with him and manipulate my emotions. I obviously cant be sure though so need to look into my options now.

A public place may be a good idea actually as my eldest is old enough to understand he should be seeing him tommorow. The thought of seeing him though makes me feel sick.

Absolutely do not let him have the kids unsupervised. Contact social services or the police.

If I contact social services for advice/guidance will that go on their records? I really dont want that on their systems for school etc.

I don't think you could let him have unsupervised contact OP.

I am so sorry, and I'm not trying to scare you, but just in case he goes down the family annihilation route Absolutely not worth the risk.

If he told you he was suicidal then you cannot leave your children with him unsupervised. Doesn't matter if you think he wasn't genuine. What if he was? And what if your children were with him at the time.

I would contact social services and get some help with this.

Why would you not want this recorded by SS? Your children are going through something significant. School will need to know about this so that they can support them.

Please do the right things for the DC and contact SS for advice and to ensure they are aware.

What you share with SS will not necessarily be shared with school unless they deem it relevant. And what the school knows will be filtered and only key people with have access to that information.

But if their father is emotionally trying to manipulate them, then it can be useful for school to know so they can understand any comments DC make.

OP can you buy yourself time this weekend? Is there a way to cancel contact today? Can you tell him DC are sick, come up with a last minute plan you'd forgotten. Then you have a bit of time to think about what you should do.

If you can't cancel then definitely stay with the children.

I let stbxh take DC when I was worried because I couldn't stand up to him. They were fine but the worry was horrendous and in hindsight I put my children at risk.

Next time he threatens suicide call the police.
It needs to be logged and I would certainly get ss involved if it involved the safety of my kids!

Next time he threatens suicide call emergency services. The police will turn up. If he is genuinely in a bad way they will help, if he's emotionally abusing you he will get a bollocking. More importantly he will realise you won't be manipulated. Do not tell him that this is what you will do next time.

I would want a contact centre used. I'd be worried his parents left him alone with the children, as they will just see their son as a good man.

Keep the texts. Screen shot them too.

I would see a solicitor Monday and not let the children see him today.

His parents have gone away the day after their son threatens to jump off a bridge.

No way would I allow his parents to supervise.

His has downplayed what he has said to you.

What a horrible situation for you OP. I agree with all the other comments here - your children are too precious to be left alone with your Ex at the moment. Hope you find a way through this today.