What would you make of this (Facebook related)

[mrsnec]

We're planning a trip back to the UK and haven't been in years. We have little contact with our relatives and few have met our children.

DM and MIL are putting pressure on us to visit certain people who apparently are really interested in the children and love seeing photos of them and really want to see us yet they declined my friend request on fb.

I questioned this and was just told they don't use it very often but I don't know what to make of it or how to play it?

Are they the same generation as your mum and MIL? Because none of my relatives of that generation really "get" facebook.

Why not tell your mum and MIL to pass on your phone number or email address to the relative in question and they can give you a call or mail to sort out a visit.

I'm getting a picture in my mind of your Mum talking to her second cousin twice removed saying "Ooh, mrsnec and her baby are visiting next month, you'll be eager to see their baby right?" and the relative going "Erm... yeah of course" while thinking the opposite

How old are they?

I had this for a couple of years while still with DS Dad (separated now) - we spent the whole of our holiday trailing round everyone who had expressed an interest in seeing us. The last 2 years together I'd had enough and just let people know where we'd be staying and what days/times we'd be around if they wanted to visit...it knocked a lot of it on the head. The whole FB thing is the same...if they want me, they know how to find me

One is my DH's aunt. Mid 60's. Apparently asked to see more photos of the children because dh never posts any.

The other is my DSB's fiancé. Same age as me.

Both are fb friends with other members of the family. It's the fact that if they're not showing as pending that must mean they both declined doesn't it?

And it's different sides of the family.

They'd only show as pending if they'd requested you. Go onto their page, and see if you can send a request. If you can, they've declined you. If not, they've either not seen it or ignored it.
I'd just state that on this day and that day you'll be free at x place for anyone who wants to visit. If they don't turn up then tough.

Just looked again. One declined and one ignored. Both have email and phone numbers but haven't been in touch. I know they don't really want to see us and are just saying the right things but I wish they were honest.

It's my first holiday in 8 years and I'm dreading it. Mum4, I have told everyone this is the first and last time we're doing this.

Just send them each a framed photo!!
No way would I be using my holidays for this!!

Don't visit. Tell people that you're going to be at a place and time and whoever wants to see you can come to that. That's what a friend does when she comes over.

There's a couple of events they might be at as well as us and I wasn't planning on arranging anything else but even so it feels a bit false to me and even telling people where we're going to be I still feel is a bit much because it means I have to stick to my plans just in case.

Just plan your trip for yourselves - people can come to you if they're genuinely keen. I hate this false familial harmony that seems to be triggered where children are concerned; you should have seen all the fawning from extended family members who emerged out of the woodwork when our little girl was born last year (this from people who I largely hadn't even spoken to for at least 5 years prior). Archly, I note that none of them have displayed much interest since either. I suspect the novelty value aspect is what's driving the responses from your family members too, OP. As I say, I wouldn't allow it to dictate your plans - I suspect that those same people will be likely to leave you hanging in the wind, or doing all the running around on their behalf.

If they're on FB, they should know how to use it surely, even if they don't go on it very often? If they can't be bothered to accept your friend request which would enable them to see your pics and updates, then why would you go out of your way to visit them in your holiday time? I certainly wouldn't bother. Maybe they just ask after you to be polite to your DM and MIL and have little or no real interest?

Those are my thoughts Darkley and I actually don't have a problem with that but if that's the case I don't see why I should make any effort for them at all and I wish I could make DM and MIL understand.